That Shining Barrier

G’evening, friends! I write to you now as Monday afternoon slowly bleeds into Monday evening…it has been a long day and I am wearied, yet now I am at home and it is time to rest. What a wonderful concept, rest! And I have been meaning to write this entry(or something like) for the past day or so now, but this is the first time I’ve had both the opportunity and the energy to do so. Of course, now that I start writing, my interest begins flagging(or perhaps that is my appetite speaking?). Nevertheless, I shall write.

Firstly, a small digression on commuting. I have a reasonable length commute compared to some(30 minutes in the morning, about 40 in the afternoon), but for Houston that’s not bad at all! But one of the most common complaints I hear from people here in Houston is the abysmal traffic(which is true) and the shockingly long time it takes to travel anywhere(which is also true). For some reason though, I really do not mind my commute that much and I started thinking on it recently…and it really is purely the fact that I quite love listening to my music(with the sporadic sermon!) as I drive. I make (far too many if you ask most people) mix CDs with my most favourite music…and I tend to buy CDs off Amazon now and again too…so I have a plethora of music from which to choose and freshen my rotation as desired. Am I odd? Most certainly – but I find the relaxing – and at times exhilarating – nature of the music I listen to is a boon to my soul. And of course – a gift from God. It’s odd, because I even find myself not wanting to talk to people while I drive anymore, because then I have to pause my music. This is probably a good thing, as distracting myself with my phone on the Houston roads is not entirely wise. Still – I wonder at myself. Why do I prefer music to talking to a dear friend or sister or parent at times? Possibly because my drive home tends to be my decompression time…as I slowly let the stresses of work bleed away as I drive on. The open road and a good tune. Quality combination, yes? Anyways, this digression is utterly silly, I acknowledge. I just wished to do a little self-reflection in a public forum, which is occasionally acceptable. Key word being occasionally.

Now secondly? The bittersweet ache that comes with nearing the end of a beautiful book. I am currently reading a book that is most remarkable in many ways and if I dare to try and name the numerous recommending qualities of it, I risk marring its beauty with my poor words. Maybe later I shall try. But this book…I started reading it approximately a week ago. Last Wednesday I believe? And now, I near its end(literally, all I have left is the epilogue!!) It is very short, less than 250 pages, and I have made my usual mistake of rushing ahead through a book as a bull rushes through the undergrowth of the meadow. But there comes that moment that I have faced many times before – when I am reading a book for the first time and realise that I am nearing its end. As often as I may reread a book, I can only read it for the first time the once. And that feeling…nearing the end…it is as if you were at the symphony, watching Tchaikovsky’s 6th being played to the height of its pathos and knowing you would never again experience such sublime beauty again. That piercing feeling of mingled grief and anticipation. Yet, while reading a great book – its promises are not yet fulfilled until the end is reached. So the end must be reached and so its finish comes. The end may linger, but it will come. Even with this book I am reading, I have been lingering these past few nights, trying not to let myself finish it, trying to stretch out the staggeringly beautiful read. But – do I not want the culmination? Do I not want that final promise fulfilled? Do I not want the boat to surge up the shoreline and touch that white sand? We linger, yes. But the joy will be greater when the book is closed. And now I have severely mixed the themes of this paragraph and I shall cease. To sum up though, I do have actual grief at nearing the end of this book. No more to read. No more to love. But without reading this book, its beauty would not be observed.

Thirdly? Because I did have a third random topic to talk about, but I for the life of me cannot remember what it was. Well, I will make up a new topic then. I recently have been much enjoying my communion with God…and I wish so much that all of you could be as enamored of Christ as I feel I am. Even this morning was remarkable. I usually set my alarm for 4, but almost never get up right away. I struggle and sleep for a while…before finally showering and grabbing a few quick minutes in the Word. Today though – I was wide awake by 3:55…you may think “horror of horrors!” but it was indeed a great gift that God gave me – it meant by the time I had showered and made my lunch and warmed my coffee, I had 38 minutes to read! (yes, I checked – so in awe was I). So 38 minutes to dive into the Word and enjoy a quiet few moments with my God. How shall I complain of the mundane worries and wearisome burdens that I bear…? This morning, I received that special gift of extra time with my God and it was beautiful. So unworthy am I. So loved am I.

Now…with such a shockingly random assortment of reflections…I shall take my leave and make my dinner. (Or rather…heat up my leftover meatloaf and mashed potatoes!!). My heart burns for the love of my Lord. Go under the mercy of God, dear friends.

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