A momentary beauty and a fundamental truth encourages me in this day that feels so real and present yet I know by tomorrow it will be yet another wafer thin page quickly fading in my memory to mist. But does that fact that the existing moment in the present is quickly shoved aside to become ever less important in the grand scheme of the timeline that rushes stubbornly in one direction mean that moment is in actuality less important or is it only a trick of perception? I would argue so though it is difficult to state my case when I can say for almost certainty that if this earth still spins a few hundred years hence there will be no one left alive who remembers my name (and certainly not my face). I’ve had the thought myself when looking at old photo albums – who is that? No clue. Turn the page. Page turned and accomplished and we move forward in swaggering sureness of importance of self. Hard to think otherwise when one exists as one does and can only reference to self because well one thinks as oneself does one not? Oh pardon me for this angst induced overly indulgent existential rage. I am proud and selfish as most of us tend to be, us mere humans scraping through the rubble of our shattered dreams attempting to salvage an idea of the grand reality that was promised. Does your heart thrill to that thought too? Is there a true myth that causes your heart to skip a beat and the hair to rise upon your neck as you put your hand to your lips as unconsciously you yearn for a taste of the miraculous? Or is it only again the scrabbling through the ashes of the forest attempting to construct a mansion out of trees that never could bear the weight of expectations as you turn your face aside to cry? I ask for your forgiveness, friend. My thoughts dance ahead of my reason and I fear the turmoil of my heart is now bare for all to see. What is this lot of mine, this suffering? Do you hurt too? I ache for that weight of glory. I beg for the veil to be removed. I crave to live in a real house someday. I can’t bear this tent much longer, surely not. But there is a sense of something beautiful in the corner of my eye and I rest my hand upon the truth that truly never lies. Someday resurrection will be seen face to face. For now though I see not, I believe. I can’t help but otherwise when the fire burns within me so.
Tag: life
Fits and Starts
Sidewalk strolls seldom feel entirely purposeless when the sky so shyly smiles as she does presently. Involuntarily I smile and lift my head up in silent prayer. It is good to sing a new song this day. Puddles abound and the birds chirp. The earth has been freshly washed and the bayou runs high and I marvel at the many waters flowing underneath my feet. The bridge bounces as past me runs another who loves the early mornings. The sky’s face is veiled behind a thin layer of clouds. Some would say this early morning grey is a bit of a dull affair especially when the air has chilled so. I would beg to differ. There is a special kind of beauty in early morning sky when the predominant colours are soft grey and pale gold. My heart sings in harmony with the notes of this new day. I close my eyes and lean over the bridge and let my imagination run afore me as I ponder the now and not yet and think on all that is to come when I am truly home. I open my eyes and see in the far distance the skyline rising through the fog. There is a shimmer or sort of sparkle as a ray of sun bounds through. And my eyes change color too. From grey to green they progress in the light of morning’s fullness.
Home By Eleven
Hello friends! A rainy Saturday here and it’s nice to be warm and dry inside with nothing on the agenda this evening. Well, maybe some reading and perhaps some Great British Baking Show shenanigans. And I do hope some reading as well! But we shall see. I’m a bit tired but it’s not even 7pm yet so surely I can’t even start to consider bedtime yet. So thought I’d log a few of my latest reads and perhaps I’ll write more later? Nah I don’t want to promise that. But here we go, let’s talk about some books most briefly.
26. Disaster on Windy Hill by Lois Walfrid Johnson. The Northwoods series comes to a close! I do like this book and think it’s a lovely little capstone to the series. Finally they are all back at home again and we get the whole family and Kate continues to grow up and though the plot is pretty basic, the character arc is what matters here. Love to see Kate growing up into a strong woman of God. And some truly memorable scenes here, my favourite being when Kate witnesses Papa go out to the woods to seek the Lord and read the Bible in a time of hardship and fear. Might I remember this. Where do I go when I fear and my heart quakes? May I also cry out to the Lord in my distress, to one who shows lovingkindness to me his child!
27. Lost in a Good Book by Jasper Fforde. Another absurd romp by the literary mastermind Fforde. He really is quite a clever writer and I found myself much amused by this one. I suppose it really helps to have a good grounding in books and literary topics and I doubt I would have appreciated this one half as much if I read it fifteen years ago. Reading it now…well, it was simply superb. I don’t want to spoil overmuch, but the first part of the book is good, though just kind of ridiculous and off the wall. But about halfway through, when Thursday starts to enter other…er…dimensions…the book just becomes superb , tickling my fancy to the extreme. If you are a book lover and appreciate a book that doesn’t take itself too seriously and is wacky and fun and also chockfull of clever wordplay and bookish illusions….well, you’ve come to the right place.
28. Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery. Didn’t quite think I’d read this book again so soon after my last read, but ended up reading it for book club this month and though I probably could have foregone the read and just gone off memory…of course I had to read it again. And oh this one still delights. Some may wonder why this book resonates so much with my soul. I doubt I can fully explain but I just know my heart thrills when reading this one. Such simple sweetness, such profound beauty. I love reading of the good and the beautiful and the human, and this book delights in all the ways. It’s brilliantly written – Montgomery has such a way with words and so many wonderful turns of phrase. The humour is top-notch and I found myself laughing out loud multiple times as I read! Yes Anne is a bit ridiculous and at times overly whimsical and full of drama. Oh so many mishaps and misadventures! Still yet we see her grow into a young woman who loves deeply and begins to think of others before herself. I do so love how the author alternates between scenes of nature that delight the imagination and lengthy passages of dialogue where you can just hear Anne speaking her heart and soul. This book is one that reminds me of the sheer beauty of the world in which we walk and breathe and also speaks of the wonder of what it is to be human. So many times as I read a short descriptive paragraph of the path Anne was walking, I found myself smiling as my heart warmed as I imagined walking there myself.
I did find one passage that I marked in a past read and I wondered why it was the only passage I had marked off. Read it and then nodded to myself. Yup, I agree with past James. This passage thrums a chord deep in my heart and I shall close with this now. “It’s nice to be eating ice cream at brilliant restaurants at eleven o’clock at night once in awhile; but as a regular thing I’d rather be in the east gable at eleven, sound asleep, but kind of knowing even in my sleep that the stars were shining outside and that the wind was blowing in the firs across the brook.”
According to Some
Hello friends! Happy Saturday!! I would promise I’d write a nice newsy post just now, but I really won’t be doing any such thing. It has been a most lovely full day here and I am now at the point where there are a few minutes for me to sit on the couch and rest and I think I desire some reading time (cue everyone’s shocked face). Tomorrow I will try and write. I think. But truly, today was beautiful. A nice walk down to coffeeshop and precious moments reading and meditating on the truths of God. Back home to Dani and then we were off for breakfast tacos! All the yummy tacos were devoured as is proper. Following that, errands and driving around city for us, or adventure times, as Dani and I like to say. Home once again, were we done? Of course not. A MKT walk was enjoyed in the fading evening sun and then one more grocery store errand before home again. Really this was not an efficient day. But does everything have to be about efficiency? Today was a beautiful day enjoying the small wonders that my God has granted me. I am ever so grateful and my heart is full.
Now? About to read some of the “Apostolic Fathers” and perhaps some Anne of Green Gables following. Chopin plays in the background. A candle flickers softly. Eventually dinner time shall be had. And Dani and I will look at each other and smile in most certain love.
Second Spring
Good morning friends! About to dive into the maelstrom of work and become reacquainted with all the projects that I had left behind (and hopefully discover that my unread emails are in the 3-digits and not 4-digits) but I can breathe deep now and thank my God for being with me no matter what storms befall me. Grateful for time this morning to sip on my coffee and read good true words and meditate on the God who died for me. I wish I had more time to chronicle all the doings in Florida these past days, but maybe later, we shall see. Ever so thankful to my God for all he has given to me. I sometimes don’t quite understand the mercies that have been shown me. I walk down that aisle with a bouquet of death, possibly not that attractive in my graveclothes. Yet I walk. Miraculously so. And then somehow my garments transfigured and my face shining, I approach my Lord. It is good to meditate on such thoughts as these. Each and every day presents its own challenges, its own trials and tribulations. Yet I live in the light of the glory that is being found in Christ. My heart strums in vibrant harmony with the song creation sings unceasing. Stars and seas lift up their voices and I cannot help but hum along.
To Its Rising
Hello friends! A week winds to an end. I am tired. But oh I am happy. Soon rest shall be mine and all the reunions and all the smiles and hugs and I cannot wait. But for now, grateful for another week of work and that my God has given me the strength to stay the course and prosper. Now? A walk has been taken and though hot, it was so ever so lovely to walk with my Dani. Now showered and on the couch, think I will read a few words, but firstly…book review time? Maybe?? I am behind, after all. I shall be brief, even if the books are deserving of more words than my feeble pen has ink to give them.
19. The Shadow Things by Jennifer Freitag. A lovely little story chronicling a might-have-been in the Britain of long ago (shortly post-Roman occupation). I did treasure this one and was sad when it came to its all too soon conclusion. It’s a simple tale and some might accuse if of a lack of subtlety but I don’t think subtlety was in the author’s mind! I loved reading the account of a young man who hears the gospel of Jesus Christ and comes to faith in the God who he knows is real, even the God who rules over all the gods. The author is not at all shy about her characters boldly but simply proclaiming the truths of the Christian faith and working out what this reality would mean in a pagan community that knew only the gods of their fathers. This story is winsome and sweet but also there are some truly tragic and brutal moments, blood-soaked tragedy and moments that caused me to raise my hand to my mouth in fear. I wish this story was longer. There are times when the author skips ahead and doesn’t show the full journey and depth of growth of Indi as the tale progresses. And the end is almost too neat. Still though? This story is an example of one I wish there were more of in the world. We see the gospel of God proclaimed and the Holy Spirit working with power to transform the lives of men and women in beautiful splendor amidst the broken lives lived in this broken world. This book does not deny the hardships and tears that are part and parcel with the cross we take up as we follow Jesus. But instead, this book makes it most clear that this life we live now is indeed not the full hope to which we are called. We live in faithful obedience in the day to day, with humility and love pointing towards our Lord as we walk in pilgrimage, waiting for that day when the veil shall be pulled back and we shall behold the real. It shall be glorious.
Songs of Spring
Hello friends! Sunday evening here and it is still gloriously bright outside. But no, I am not writing this from outside myself, I regret to say. Dani and I did accomplish a most lovely walk soaking in the unseasonably warm sunlight and treading the well-worn Heights paths. It ended up at new ice cream shop whereupon some pistachio ice cream was much enjoyed (by Dani) and then our feet finally wandered on home. Now I feel a bit tired but the good kind of tired, the kind where your body is grumbling a bit but your soul is happy knowing the miles walked were worthwhile ones. Now you can picture evening here if you know me even a little bit. Tomato sauce bubbles gently on the stove. A candle is flickering on the table. A little classical music plays on the TV. It’s a random spring compilation at moment, but I think I may put on Beethoven’s violin concerto in a moment – discovered a new performance by Alena Baeva that I am rather looking forward to listening to. And yes, a book at the side. I thought about writing something more – poetry or ponderings on the powerfully rich and beautiful sermon this morning? Perhaps a poem later, I know not. As for the sermon, we meditated upon the death of Christ. Luke 23:26-43 and the wonder that is God going forth to die that we might live. The one man in all history that could have not died and yet he did not save himself. No, he did not. He died so that we might live. He died so even I might one day be with him in paradise. Oh my soul thrills at the thought. Jesus, how I long to be with you.
Hidden Places
It is good to sit and be still this quiet Friday morning. Soon enough I’ll breathe deep and begin the work day and plunge into all its many fires that must be fought and conquered. But for now, I’ll relish the quiet of a day that has not yet fully awakened. I have had a few minutes to luxuriate in the quiet of our little flat and think on things that my mind can’t quite comprehend in all their glory. My coffee is still warm and its bitter loveliness is a little pleasure that brings me much joy. I think you know the feeling? I sigh. I wish I had more time to read and rest today, but the clock ticks relentlessly on. So grateful for the time I did have, reading one of my all-time favourite Psalms – Psalm 118 in all its comforting grace and profound prophetic majesty! I shall write more about this at a future time, but let it be said that there are few Psalms that speak as clearly of Jesus Christ and the salvation that he holds out to us. Also got a few moments in John 15 reading about what it means to rest and remain in Christ. Oh how sweet it is to be on that vine and know that I am united to Christ. What this fully means this feeble mind cannot quite grasp. But I know that I am one with Jesus and I cling ever more closely to the love that is my Lord’s. As I look upward and delight in the everyday obedience and faithfulness that comes in my union with Jesus, I rejoice. I rejoice for love unbounded.
Suit Up
Morning all! It’s a little pre-work post here and I really only have a minute or two so you all shall be spared a long rambling post. Wanted to shout out the gorgeous mid-March weather which after today will be pretty much non-existent until some eight months from now. 40 degrees this morning? Yes please and thank you. I with great glee put on my cosy black turtleneck and my good black wool coat and feel all properly attired for this last reminder of winter’s presence. I am thankful for the little things, like walking out my front door and feeling the cool air on my face and breathing deep and reminding myself that these small beautiful moments are but a taste of what is to come. This is an office day and so I had a nice drive here listening to a sermon and meditating on the mercies of God especially to such a feeble one as I. Thinking on the story of David and Nabal and Abigail and the mercy of God toward David in drawing him away from his wicked inclination toward vengeance and directing him toward the path of mercy and the beautiful picture of Christ present in Abigail and her valiant deeds and discretion in placing herself between wrath and its deserving object. Oh how wonderful it is to spend a few moments now thinking on the person of Jesus and pondering his staggeringly vast and beautiful love for me.
Imminent
Hello friends! A beautiful Sunday has been enjoyed. Dani and I got a nice long walk in, albeit in possibly the most humid environment possible, to our great sighing dissatisfaction. Still though. It was good to be outside and soak in the sunlight and enjoy a nice long ramble together, talking of all and sundry. And we were not walking just to walk although so often that is what we do. We ended up at Kaboom eventually and it was a glorious few minutes browsing the stacks as I hoped to find a treasure. I will admit this was one of those rare cases where I did not buy anything! I did find an old 1916 copy of “The Possessed”, but decided not now, since I have no idea when I would end up reading it. Was really hoping to find a copy of “Brothers Karamazov” but oddly enough there were none to be found. Hopefully next time! Dani and I finally arrived back home and oh how good it is now after my shower to be sitting in my little corner chair enjoying the supreme relaxation that is felt after a good long walk. Dinner will be burritos and tomato and avocado soon enough. But not yet. I shall talk for a few words on my latest book and then it shall be time to read – “Gospel According to Jesus” still encouraging my soul.
16. First Love by Ivan Turgenev. Was initially thinking this would finally be the exception to prove the rule – the first of the great Russians that ended up a disappointment. And I will say that this tale is simple enough and not grand or epic in any way. But this little mid-19th century Russian story proved in the end to be worth the read. I had not read Turgenev before but heard enough that I was eager for this one. Yet the story seemed so bare bones and simple on its face, and so it is for the most part. There is not much subtlety in this one. Yet it is worth it simply for the last few pages and the reflection on mortality and what life really means and what it all points towards. The last few pages were sublime and worth the seeming-superficiality of some of the earlier pages. Grateful I read this one and I will not hesitate to pick up another Turgenev in the future. This was just a short story after all, so curious to see what his novels are like. I am a simple man of simple tastes and apparently I still haven’t met a 19th-century Russian tale that I dislike.
Something Weird 