White hands strayed across the piano keys and whispered soft to me. Do you feel the thunder humming? Do you hear the sizzling of the wires as they pass messages up and down the years? Do you see the lights off the northern coast gleaming through the fog? Do you smell the woodsmoke of the bonfire that crackles on that Hawaii beach? I wish I could write a story that would encompass your trials and tribulations and yet still hold you safe within its arms. Yet my ability to do such is outmatched by my vivid vision and I fear that anything I write will shrivel in your presence and turn to stone under the stars. Yet perhaps even that stone will stand the test of time better than some other scribbles and perhaps the star-washed etchings will someday bring tears to a pilgrim’s eyes. So should I not attempt it and see what this feeble hand can bring forth? Should I not at least break out my notebook and try? I put my hands upon the keyboard now and cry to heaven. I get on my knees and pray for aid this night. Why do you call me to account now for what I haven’t written? Why do you look at me with such tender compassion when I know my failures are even now within your sight? Oh I must with diligence press on for that for which I’ve been called to do. Do I believe it possible that I can craft this gem of steel and starlight? Do you? Please don’t text me asking for an answer. I walk this path even now wondering what I shall say at the end of all things. Thankfully I don’t need to present a justification. The price has already been paid. Do you smell the scent of roast chicken cooking? Do you see the light of the candle on the coffee table that flickers this night? Do you hear the tapping of the keyboard as I write this prologue? Do you feel my arms around you holding you as you cry? The lightning struck outside and I turned the record over.
Tag: life
Old School
It’s a two post day! Now back home and Dani is still out and about thrifting and having adventures and so I have all the time in the world. Whatever shall I do with myself? Well apparently…cook and talk to people on the phone. Called Caisson and we had some good catch-up time, and then talked to Dad for a bit too! All errands have been accomplished and now on the couch with college football on the TV. First college football of the year!! Apparently I am so excited by that that I currently have Boston College/Cincy on. Why. Well, I’m not really paying attention, it’s just fun to have football background noise once again.
Also cooked some chicken – chicken thighs marinated with paprika/onion powder/garlic powder/cumin/salt/pepper then blasted at high heat in the oven for 25 minutes. Now letting that cool. Will soon cut it up into small pieces and make some chicken/cheese/spinach burritos. I’ve been craving such lately and with Dani out, figured now was the time! Will be a good lunch(at 3pm) – I so declare.
Wow this entry is so random. Sorry not sorry? Think I’ll dive into my fun book and enjoy some of that while I chill this Saturday afternoon. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire! I do love that book in all its ridiculous glory. Once Dani gets back, we’ll go on a date to Warby Parker and look for glasses, hurrah! We definitely need new ones as our old ones have been serving us well for over two years now and showing definite signs of wear. After that? A relaxing evening and beef/okra/rice dinner made by Dani are in the cards. It’s a good day and I’m grateful to my Father God for such blessings. Oh how wonderful it is that I can cry out to my God all day every day. Now before I spiral off into who knows what, shall close. This has been a random one, to be sure. Peace, dear friends.
Over the Shoulder
Hello friends! It’s throwback time – I’m currently writing from my old Starbucks from years of yore. A bit of a pilgrimage this morning…these past few weeks I’ve been going through some of my old journal entries and currently in 2017-era. And apparently at that time, I frequented this Starbucks all the time! So this morning, with Dani off on her own adventure, I thought why not? Why shouldn’t I visit my old Starbucks and enjoy some good writing time just like I used to so many times before? So here I am, sitting and sipping my black coffee and looking around me as I do so. It’s odd indeed, being here some nine years later and…well yes, it’s Starbucks so it hasn’t changed that much. Yet the sad thing is all the people I used to know are gone! No more barista friends, alas. But I sit here and smile as I think of friends of old and the many good conversations that were had. Ah how thankful I am for God blessing me so throughout the years. I am beyond blessed – of that there can be no doubt.
Also I am amused reading all my entries from back in the day…I did a much better job of chronicling my life – that is for certain! Back then I actually wrote about what I did and where I went and who I hung out with. Nowadays? Well…I suppose my entries have gradually become more opaque – likely a result of growing older and moving away from the public sharing of the facebook era. I do now and again write a newsy post and I’m actually working on being better about that – sharing my life and praising God for what he is doing in it. But the majority of my posts these days tend to be book reviews or quotes from books or random creative flow. My creative output – whether it be poetry or prose – is precious to me and I love it so and I’m so thankful for that gift…yet I do realise it’s not as accessible to others. I know what I’m saying and what lies on my heart! Yet others don’t quite have the same understanding of my heart and so my writing is at a bit of a remove. I’m ok with that, I think. What does it mean that my writing of late is less transparent? I suppose it simply shows that while I still love to write – ah so much word vomit! – I won’t always explain myself clearly in such. That has always been the case to some degree. Even in the early days of my journal career, poems were dropped from the sky without a guide in sight. Now I suppose it’s just that the majority of my writing tends to be the random creative output. Also I have less time now than I once did. Hence…when I do get a chance to write, a few creative lines strain to escape and I gratefully take the opportunity to release them into the wild. It is good for my soul.
All that being said? I have been far too random this morning and not entirely sure what the point of all the above is! Still, I shall let it stand. I’m so grateful for this morning. And thankful that God has given me both the ability and the desire to write. The quality may be questionable at times, yet still I do love the process. Those of you who read what I write, thanks for putting up with me. That last came with a half-smile and a raise of the eyebrow. Remind me to give you a hug next time I see you.
Haunted Moors
Hello friends! Writing a few words this Sunday evening. About to perhaps attempt to write something flowery and ridiculous and ethereal and grey in its beauty and majestic wonder. Shall I succeed? Who knows, who knows. While I write now, listening to an old playlist from a few years back – “windswept queens of the haunted moors”. One of my favourites, it is darkly beautiful even though its lyrics are at times agonizing in their pain. Yet, at times the melancholy calls to me and this playlist, while not for the faint of heart, still sings. If you want to listen…well, I’ll link it here. Only if you wish.
Leaving aside the dangerous musical madness of my past, what now stirs my heart? I feel as if the days and weeks have been busy of late and my heart is weary. Yet what does that signal but that I am still trudging on? I am grateful to my God for holding my hand as I walk this path. And I’m grateful oh so grateful that I am not alone. I wish I had more time. I wish at times the things of this world didn’t take so much time and that I had more time to write and dream and wonder. Ah my thoughts are too messy for this mundane of a post. I will attempt to channel into something creative. If I give up, will just move on to making dinner! Leftover meatloaf is the plan. Also going to fry up some broccoli and make some mashed potatoes. Will be a good Sunday dinner, so says I. Now, I’m off, to write. I hope. I sigh and roll my eyes as I think on the likelihood that little of the beautiful shall proceed forth from my pen. But sometimes a leap is necessary. Farewell, my friends.
Tea Time
Hello friends! A Saturday winds towards its closing. Amusingly enough, Dani and I thought the afternoon would be nice and slow and relaxing…well I suppose that will be tomorrow because it certainly was not today! Ended up going back and forth to the grocery store a few times and gallivanting around town on various other errands. I would bemoan the loss of a walk but I really can’t find it in me to regret it over much. It’s mid-August and it’s hot outside. I’m out getting some inside time now, that I can say for certain.
What shall I do now? I suppose some reading time is in the cards before Dani gets dinner ready. I have dearly looked forward to some quiet reading hours all day. And so perhaps, reading some Bonhoeffer and some Owen will be good for the soul. I would like to write something and perhaps I shall. You will know if I’ve been successful if you see another entry posted shortly after this one. For now, I think I will sign off here and then see what my muse is on about. Much love to you all.
All The Strings
A lovely morning thus far. About to drive off to church, but grateful for a few minutes now to meditate and muse on what most brings me hope and joy. This morning woke up and went for a walk, enjoying(??) the humidity and heat that is standard fare for August here. Still yet, it was a beautiful time of walking and thinking and watching all the people on their early morning runs and dog-walks. Got to chat with Dad for a few minutes on the return leg and then back I arrived at home, sweaty and pleasantly weary. Now I’m all showered up and have had a lovely few minutes reading as a new candle burns and a symphony plays on the TV. Within twenty minutes or so, shall step out the door and once more feel August’s warm affections as we leave for church. But now? Why am I just spinning my wheels talking about the mundanities of life? Well firstly because even the mundane every day tasks of life can be beautiful, can they not? I’m grateful for what my God has given me, even little things like walks and showers. Secondly? Because I do want to talk about deeper things but sometimes I feel I must approach them circumspectly as I’m at times uneasy of my skill to properly address that which matters most.
So now as the minutes flee and I soon will run out of time, I suppose I won’t say much more about what burns in my heart, except to say that I enjoyed some precious minutes reading in John today, some of my favourite verses. Reading about the trial and death of Jesus and then the response of some of his followers. Peter initially quavered and crumbled and denied his teacher. Others stood by him to the end even as they wept. Still others who had hidden their allegiance came out after his death to preserve and memorialize his body and his name. And then on that glorious day whose memory still reverberates in the heavens and the earth? Peter returned to his Lord and marveled at the fact that something had happened that he didn’t quite understand. John approached more cautiously but still yet he was there. And Mary? Oh Mary she was there at the beginning and at the end, as the men rushed around and in their haste rushed off again while she stayed behind at that garden tomb and wept and thought and I’m sure prayed. And then she saw something miraculous – angelic beings in all their brightness and she found herself overcome and in her sorrow and her wonder she heard a voice that said her name. And what response did she have? What response should any of have in such a circumstance? She rushed to Jesus and clung to Him, crying as she held on tight. Oh how I wish I could cling to the feet of Jesus and hear him speak to me as he spoke to Mary that day. Some day, some day soon. Even though I have not seen him, I believe in Him and joy unspeakable fills my heart and I glory in the fact that someday my eyes shall see his face.
Oracle
Hello friends! A quick few words this Sunday afternoon before I dive into my evening reading (shall be some sort of combination of Owen, Bonhoeffer & Rowling – yes, a bit of an oddball mix, I’m well aware). Anyway, thought I’d write a few words on my viewing of the Odyssey yesterday. This movie came out a few weeks back and the discussion and furor around it has been fascinating to witness. Even today, had some conversations at church about it and been texting with Robbie about it and well…it’s one of those movies that sticks with you just a bit, for various reasons. I shan’t go into a full feature-length review, but I will make a couple comments. Firstly, I greatly enjoyed the film. Nolan almost never lets me down, and he didn’t here. He knows how to make a great movie. This 3-hour plus movie never left me bored or checking my watch and I was on the edge of my seat for almost the entire run-time, despite the fact that I very much know the story. Nolan is a master of tension and he used his skills to the utmost here. The acting was superb and the character work strong. Was this a perfect movie? By no means, but I enjoyed it. Did Nolan take some significant liberties with source material? But of course, yet are not most re-tellings of ancient stories and myths more a reflection on their own times and mores? I felt this movie was such here, reflecting on the story of the Odyssey in a very modern fashion and most certainly importing an ethical framework and understanding that is not present in the original work. If anything, it speaks well to Tom Holland (not that Tom Holland!)’s thesis on the impact of Christianity on western civilization.
Now I’m rambling on and I said I will be brief. Just wanted to write a few words on one of my favourite parts of movie and one which resonated with my soul. I very much doubt this was an intentional writing on Nolan’s part, but I very much saw the return of Odysseus to Ithaca as analogous to the coming return of Jesus Christ. Really? Yes, really. We have a kingdom in a state of disarray, trampled on and violated by those who seek kingship for themselves. We have a faithful few who long for the return of the true king. We have a pleading longing in the hearts of those who wait and yes, even doubt at times. How long? How long until the return of the king? And then, he comes. And the same sound that provokes terror in the hearts of the unrighteous causes the hearts of the faithful to leap for joy. The moment that thrilled my heart was the moment that Nolan has been building up to. Odysseus-as-a-beggar finally strings the great bow. And then, as he does, he strums the bowstring. A note rises. Penelope starts in joyous anticipation. The suitors wail as the wrath of Odysseus begins to fall upon them. The king is here in our very midst. That moment for me, that strumming of the bowstring and the reaction of Penelope and the suitors, was my favourite part of this film. Yes, I also maybe teared up a bit when Odysseus was reunited to Argos and later to Penelope. Odysseus and Penelope being reunited was probably my second favourite moment of this film. But returning to the strumming of that bowstring. It made me think on that for which my soul longs. I long one day to see Christ return in all his glory. I long to be with my Lord. And I think of that one sound that will be joy to the righteous and terror to the unrighteous. I think of the song of that last trumpet and of the joy that will fill the hearts of those who have been faithful to our Lord Jesus Christ. And I bow my head and think with sadness of those for who that trumpet call will be as the sound of death, heralding only righteous wrath and terrible woe. Oh how terrible it will be at that moment for those who hold empty lamps and wear garments of their own devising.
So I have said more on this film than I planned and I’m sure I’ve imparted a bit of my own philosophy into my reading of this movie. Yet still, I’m grateful for movies such as this, that make me think on deeper things and turn my eyes to thoughts of beauty and glory. Nolan fumbled a bit on the ending of this movie – I really wish he had ended it with Odysseus taking his rightful place as king of Ithaca and fade to black. Instead he furnishes Odysseus with a quest of further penance. Ah well. No one’s perfect. I will just meditate now though on what it means to be a faithful servant of my Lord and look for his return in glory. How long, oh Lord? How long?
Extra Time
Hello friends! Quick post before I move into some reading time here. It’s Saturday evening and finally but finally it’s time to rest. To be sure, it’s been a good day, just quite…errands filled. Took the car in for an oil change first thing, then stopped and saw the guys for a few minutes at breakfast taco place. Following that, back home to see Dani awake! We went for a little grocery store run to pick up all the necessary items for next few days…then back home for taco breakfast. Then? Cooking time! Prepped my green bean and potato salad for church potluck tomorrow. I’m actually super psyched for that one, it’s a new recipe and it should be yummy (red potatoes, fresh green beans, sliced red onions, oil, vinegar, spices & cherry tomatoes). That done, Dani and I decided a rare Saturday gym visit was in order. Drove down to the gym and conquered an upper body session, then up to car shop to pick up Dani’s car (its last hurrah to her great sorrow). Once back home, we drove out again to get some Target time! Wandered the aisles there, ending up not buying anything and then home again, where I have spent the last good bit prepping burritos for tonight’s dinner. Finally, shower and now finally couch and rest. And watching the rest of the Norway/England game. On England! And I am amused, after writing all that, I do feel justified with a nice long reading time. My body is tired, my mind is tired…it will feel good to sink into a book and enjoy some sweet rest time that my Father has given me. I did want to write more and write something deep and encouraging, but perhaps this will just be a newsy update and that’s all and I really don’t have to write anything more, as much as I often feel the weight of all the whirling thoughts and feelings that cry out.
So now? Rest and but still maybe that rest can be found in writing a little something? We shall see. Peace and love, my friends. Peace and love.
Seashore
Good morning, friends! A Monday dawns and light breaks upon us in waves and soon the heat shall follow and we shall be reminded that yes indeed, summer is in full bloom. I wish I could say I’m grateful for summer’s heat but I don’t know if my gratitude for creation’s glory can stretch quite that far. Ah I suppose I could talk myself into it somehow. Summer is a good and proper season and the heat does make one sigh with wistful longing in anticipation for autumn’s arrival, so there is that. Summer – it’s here. July is a month that we know is going to be hot and that is that and no use complaining about it, so I shan’t.
But instead what I shall I use these few minutes before work to talk about? I don’t know, really. I opened this page knowing I had a few minutes so why not write something? I suppose I could say I’m just grateful for the time I had this morning to read the Word and meditate on God’s goodness to me. Even with not quite enough sleep last night (watching the scintillating England/Mexico game – England pulled out an all-time classic win in Mexico City – on the Lions!), I still was able to roll out of bed prior to 5am and get a shower, make coffee and then sit myself down and give myself some nice uninterrupted time to read.
Psalm 46, Proverbs 6, a series of depressing but inspired chapters in Jeremiah – oh how convicting it is to read such and oh how it makes me feel I ought be praying more for mercy for myself and our community and nation – and then beautiful chapters in Luke on the ministry of our Lord Jesus Christ. Got to read Luke 7 and the story of Jesus with the woman who was a sinner. One of my all-time favourite passages and one that never fails to bring me to a halt as I consider and ponder what my Lord has done for me. Oh how beautiful it is to think on the fact that Jesus has forgiven me all my sin. I have been forgiven much. I have been forgiven everything!! How great then ought be my love? Utterly convicting to feel how often my love is cold and dry and how often I fail to be constantly praising my Lord and God for what he has done for me. I need to spend more time meditating on the wonder that is my salvation and my forever communion with my God. What a glorious thing it is to consider that I am a child of God. I have life with God and I have it to the full. I abide in Christ and in him I find true rest. This yoke is indeed easy, this burden is indeed light. In Christ and in Christ alone do I have rest for my soul. It is good to sit at the feet of Jesus this day. Oh how I long for that someday far off trumpet call and that moment when the horizon blurs with light as I see the last dawning and behold the consummation of all things as creation is made new. Oh how I long for that day when the sky quivers and the clouds break and my Lord Jesus Christ stands before my resurrected frame. For now, I tremble in dust and ashes. Someday though, I shall see my Lord with my own eyes, even though now my flesh and my heart are oh so prone to failing. Thank you, Lord, for taking me by the hand each and every moment. Please Lord, lead me to glory.
Haven
A Friday evening beckons. And this is one of my favourite types of evenings full with all my favourite types of things. I am simple, I know, but there is not much I enjoy than a quiet evening at home in which I can simply sit still and rest. Ah how wonderful it is when there are moments in which there is nothing I simply must do. Instead? We have a quiet evening ahead in which there will be sitting and reading and yes, even some watching of World Cup action (Argentina vs. Cape Verde)! It’s been a long week and though it’s been a good one – I will always be grateful for work and the normal rhythms of the day-to-day – I am so grateful we have reached its end and tonight is a night of rest. Soon enough, Dani shall be cooking dinner and we shall enjoy a hearty meal. But for now? I rest. I have thought of writing and I suppose you could say this present output is a writing of sorts. Not quite as creative as I was hoping. But you know what? That’s ok. Perfection beckons. But in this moment, simple rest is good enough.
Something Weird 