Tag: journal

Haunted Moors

James HoganLeave a comment

Hello friends! Writing a few words this Sunday evening. About to perhaps attempt to write something flowery and ridiculous and ethereal and grey in its beauty and majestic wonder. Shall I succeed? Who knows, who knows. While I write now, listening to an old playlist from a few years back – “windswept queens of the haunted moors”. One of my favourites, it is darkly beautiful even though its lyrics are at times agonizing in their pain. Yet, at times the melancholy calls to me and this playlist, while not for the faint of heart, still sings. If you want to listen…well, I’ll link it here. Only if you wish.

Leaving aside the dangerous musical madness of my past, what now stirs my heart? I feel as if the days and weeks have been busy of late and my heart is weary. Yet what does that signal but that I am still trudging on? I am grateful to my God for holding my hand as I walk this path. And I’m grateful oh so grateful that I am not alone. I wish I had more time. I wish at times the things of this world didn’t take so much time and that I had more time to write and dream and wonder. Ah my thoughts are too messy for this mundane of a post. I will attempt to channel into something creative. If I give up, will just move on to making dinner! Leftover meatloaf is the plan. Also going to fry up some broccoli and make some mashed potatoes. Will be a good Sunday dinner, so says I. Now, I’m off, to write. I hope. I sigh and roll my eyes as I think on the likelihood that little of the beautiful shall proceed forth from my pen. But sometimes a leap is necessary. Farewell, my friends.

Tea Time

James HoganLeave a comment

Hello friends! A Saturday winds towards its closing. Amusingly enough, Dani and I thought the afternoon would be nice and slow and relaxing…well I suppose that will be tomorrow because it certainly was not today! Ended up going back and forth to the grocery store a few times and gallivanting around town on various other errands. I would bemoan the loss of a walk but I really can’t find it in me to regret it over much. It’s mid-August and it’s hot outside. I’m out getting some inside time now, that I can say for certain.

What shall I do now? I suppose some reading time is in the cards before Dani gets dinner ready. I have dearly looked forward to some quiet reading hours all day. And so perhaps, reading some Bonhoeffer and some Owen will be good for the soul. I would like to write something and perhaps I shall. You will know if I’ve been successful if you see another entry posted shortly after this one. For now, I think I will sign off here and then see what my muse is on about. Much love to you all.

All The Strings

James HoganLeave a comment

A lovely morning thus far. About to drive off to church, but grateful for a few minutes now to meditate and muse on what most brings me hope and joy. This morning woke up and went for a walk, enjoying(??) the humidity and heat that is standard fare for August here. Still yet, it was a beautiful time of walking and thinking and watching all the people on their early morning runs and dog-walks. Got to chat with Dad for a few minutes on the return leg and then back I arrived at home, sweaty and pleasantly weary. Now I’m all showered up and have had a lovely few minutes reading as a new candle burns and a symphony plays on the TV. Within twenty minutes or so, shall step out the door and once more feel August’s warm affections as we leave for church. But now? Why am I just spinning my wheels talking about the mundanities of life? Well firstly because even the mundane every day tasks of life can be beautiful, can they not? I’m grateful for what my God has given me, even little things like walks and showers. Secondly? Because I do want to talk about deeper things but sometimes I feel I must approach them circumspectly as I’m at times uneasy of my skill to properly address that which matters most.

So now as the minutes flee and I soon will run out of time, I suppose I won’t say much more about what burns in my heart, except to say that I enjoyed some precious minutes reading in John today, some of my favourite verses. Reading about the trial and death of Jesus and then the response of some of his followers. Peter initially quavered and crumbled and denied his teacher. Others stood by him to the end even as they wept. Still others who had hidden their allegiance came out after his death to preserve and memorialize his body and his name. And then on that glorious day whose memory still reverberates in the heavens and the earth? Peter returned to his Lord and marveled at the fact that something had happened that he didn’t quite understand. John approached more cautiously but still yet he was there. And Mary? Oh Mary she was there at the beginning and at the end, as the men rushed around and in their haste rushed off again while she stayed behind at that garden tomb and wept and thought and I’m sure prayed. And then she saw something miraculous – angelic beings in all their brightness and she found herself overcome and in her sorrow and her wonder she heard a voice that said her name. And what response did she have? What response should any of have in such a circumstance? She rushed to Jesus and clung to Him, crying as she held on tight. Oh how I wish I could cling to the feet of Jesus and hear him speak to me as he spoke to Mary that day. Some day, some day soon. Even though I have not seen him, I believe in Him and joy unspeakable fills my heart and I glory in the fact that someday my eyes shall see his face.

Oracle

James HoganLeave a comment

Hello friends! A quick few words this Sunday afternoon before I dive into my evening reading (shall be some sort of combination of Owen, Bonhoeffer & Rowling – yes, a bit of an oddball mix, I’m well aware). Anyway, thought I’d write a few words on my viewing of the Odyssey yesterday. This movie came out a few weeks back and the discussion and furor around it has been fascinating to witness. Even today, had some conversations at church about it and been texting with Robbie about it and well…it’s one of those movies that sticks with you just a bit, for various reasons. I shan’t go into a full feature-length review, but I will make a couple comments. Firstly, I greatly enjoyed the film. Nolan almost never lets me down, and he didn’t here. He knows how to make a great movie. This 3-hour plus movie never left me bored or checking my watch and I was on the edge of my seat for almost the entire run-time, despite the fact that I very much know the story. Nolan is a master of tension and he used his skills to the utmost here. The acting was superb and the character work strong. Was this a perfect movie? By no means, but I enjoyed it. Did Nolan take some significant liberties with source material? But of course, yet are not most re-tellings of ancient stories and myths more a reflection on their own times and mores? I felt this movie was such here, reflecting on the story of the Odyssey in a very modern fashion and most certainly importing an ethical framework and understanding that is not present in the original work. If anything, it speaks well to Tom Holland (not that Tom Holland!)’s thesis on the impact of Christianity on western civilization.

Now I’m rambling on and I said I will be brief. Just wanted to write a few words on one of my favourite parts of movie and one which resonated with my soul. I very much doubt this was an intentional writing on Nolan’s part, but I very much saw the return of Odysseus to Ithaca as analogous to the coming return of Jesus Christ. Really? Yes, really. We have a kingdom in a state of disarray, trampled on and violated by those who seek kingship for themselves. We have a faithful few who long for the return of the true king. We have a pleading longing in the hearts of those who wait and yes, even doubt at times. How long? How long until the return of the king? And then, he comes. And the same sound that provokes terror in the hearts of the unrighteous causes the hearts of the faithful to leap for joy. The moment that thrilled my heart was the moment that Nolan has been building up to. Odysseus-as-a-beggar finally strings the great bow. And then, as he does, he strums the bowstring. A note rises. Penelope starts in joyous anticipation. The suitors wail as the wrath of Odysseus begins to fall upon them. The king is here in our very midst. That moment for me, that strumming of the bowstring and the reaction of Penelope and the suitors, was my favourite part of this film. Yes, I also maybe teared up a bit when Odysseus was reunited to Argos and later to Penelope. Odysseus and Penelope being reunited was probably my second favourite moment of this film. But returning to the strumming of that bowstring. It made me think on that for which my soul longs. I long one day to see Christ return in all his glory. I long to be with my Lord. And I think of that one sound that will be joy to the righteous and terror to the unrighteous. I think of the song of that last trumpet and of the joy that will fill the hearts of those who have been faithful to our Lord Jesus Christ. And I bow my head and think with sadness of those for who that trumpet call will be as the sound of death, heralding only righteous wrath and terrible woe. Oh how terrible it will be at that moment for those who hold empty lamps and wear garments of their own devising.

So I have said more on this film than I planned and I’m sure I’ve imparted a bit of my own philosophy into my reading of this movie. Yet still, I’m grateful for movies such as this, that make me think on deeper things and turn my eyes to thoughts of beauty and glory. Nolan fumbled a bit on the ending of this movie – I really wish he had ended it with Odysseus taking his rightful place as king of Ithaca and fade to black. Instead he furnishes Odysseus with a quest of further penance. Ah well. No one’s perfect. I will just meditate now though on what it means to be a faithful servant of my Lord and look for his return in glory. How long, oh Lord? How long?

Extra Time

James HoganLeave a comment

Hello friends! Quick post before I move into some reading time here. It’s Saturday evening and finally but finally it’s time to rest. To be sure, it’s been a good day, just quite…errands filled. Took the car in for an oil change first thing, then stopped and saw the guys for a few minutes at breakfast taco place. Following that, back home to see Dani awake! We went for a little grocery store run to pick up all the necessary items for next few days…then back home for taco breakfast. Then? Cooking time! Prepped my green bean and potato salad for church potluck tomorrow. I’m actually super psyched for that one, it’s a new recipe and it should be yummy (red potatoes, fresh green beans, sliced red onions, oil, vinegar, spices & cherry tomatoes). That done, Dani and I decided a rare Saturday gym visit was in order. Drove down to the gym and conquered an upper body session, then up to car shop to pick up Dani’s car (its last hurrah to her great sorrow). Once back home, we drove out again to get some Target time! Wandered the aisles there, ending up not buying anything and then home again, where I have spent the last good bit prepping burritos for tonight’s dinner. Finally, shower and now finally couch and rest. And watching the rest of the Norway/England game. On England! And I am amused, after writing all that, I do feel justified with a nice long reading time. My body is tired, my mind is tired…it will feel good to sink into a book and enjoy some sweet rest time that my Father has given me. I did want to write more and write something deep and encouraging, but perhaps this will just be a newsy update and that’s all and I really don’t have to write anything more, as much as I often feel the weight of all the whirling thoughts and feelings that cry out.

So now? Rest and but still maybe that rest can be found in writing a little something? We shall see. Peace and love, my friends. Peace and love.

Seashore

James HoganLeave a comment

Good morning, friends! A Monday dawns and light breaks upon us in waves and soon the heat shall follow and we shall be reminded that yes indeed, summer is in full bloom. I wish I could say I’m grateful for summer’s heat but I don’t know if my gratitude for creation’s glory can stretch quite that far. Ah I suppose I could talk myself into it somehow. Summer is a good and proper season and the heat does make one sigh with wistful longing in anticipation for autumn’s arrival, so there is that. Summer – it’s here. July is a month that we know is going to be hot and that is that and no use complaining about it, so I shan’t.

But instead what I shall I use these few minutes before work to talk about? I don’t know, really. I opened this page knowing I had a few minutes so why not write something? I suppose I could say I’m just grateful for the time I had this morning to read the Word and meditate on God’s goodness to me. Even with not quite enough sleep last night (watching the scintillating England/Mexico game – England pulled out an all-time classic win in Mexico City – on the Lions!), I still was able to roll out of bed prior to 5am and get a shower, make coffee and then sit myself down and give myself some nice uninterrupted time to read.

Psalm 46, Proverbs 6, a series of depressing but inspired chapters in Jeremiah – oh how convicting it is to read such and oh how it makes me feel I ought be praying more for mercy for myself and our community and nation – and then beautiful chapters in Luke on the ministry of our Lord Jesus Christ. Got to read Luke 7 and the story of Jesus with the woman who was a sinner. One of my all-time favourite passages and one that never fails to bring me to a halt as I consider and ponder what my Lord has done for me. Oh how beautiful it is to think on the fact that Jesus has forgiven me all my sin. I have been forgiven much. I have been forgiven everything!! How great then ought be my love? Utterly convicting to feel how often my love is cold and dry and how often I fail to be constantly praising my Lord and God for what he has done for me. I need to spend more time meditating on the wonder that is my salvation and my forever communion with my God. What a glorious thing it is to consider that I am a child of God. I have life with God and I have it to the full. I abide in Christ and in him I find true rest. This yoke is indeed easy, this burden is indeed light. In Christ and in Christ alone do I have rest for my soul. It is good to sit at the feet of Jesus this day. Oh how I long for that someday far off trumpet call and that moment when the horizon blurs with light as I see the last dawning and behold the consummation of all things as creation is made new. Oh how I long for that day when the sky quivers and the clouds break and my Lord Jesus Christ stands before my resurrected frame. For now, I tremble in dust and ashes. Someday though, I shall see my Lord with my own eyes, even though now my flesh and my heart are oh so prone to failing. Thank you, Lord, for taking me by the hand each and every moment. Please Lord, lead me to glory.

Haven

James HoganLeave a comment

A Friday evening beckons. And this is one of my favourite types of evenings full with all my favourite types of things. I am simple, I know, but there is not much I enjoy than a quiet evening at home in which I can simply sit still and rest. Ah how wonderful it is when there are moments in which there is nothing I simply must do. Instead? We have a quiet evening ahead in which there will be sitting and reading and yes, even some watching of World Cup action (Argentina vs. Cape Verde)! It’s been a long week and though it’s been a good one – I will always be grateful for work and the normal rhythms of the day-to-day – I am so grateful we have reached its end and tonight is a night of rest. Soon enough, Dani shall be cooking dinner and we shall enjoy a hearty meal. But for now? I rest. I have thought of writing and I suppose you could say this present output is a writing of sorts. Not quite as creative as I was hoping. But you know what? That’s ok. Perfection beckons. But in this moment, simple rest is good enough.

Halfway There

James HoganLeave a comment

Hello friends! A quick little pre-work entry here. I really mean to write a longer one soon, especially as I want to chronicle this past weekend – all the delightful World Cup shenanigans and adventures that Dani and I got to experience together with Brasil in town! – but alas now is not the time as work beckons. I am grateful for the little things today. Thankful for this strong hot mug of coffee that sits before me. Rejoicing in the AC that cools the air inside this office building. Delighting in the relaxing drive in to work in which I got to listen to a sermon from God’s Word and be encouraged. I am even thankful for a good night’s sleep, even if it was of a shorter duration than I would have preferred. And yes, thankful for the ability and desire to write a few words here and let my fingers sweep across the keys and write something not work-related. It is good to sit still for a moment and consider the blessings that are mine. I am thankful for the goodness of the Lord. Peace and love, dear friends. Peace and love.

Father’s Day

James HoganLeave a comment

Happy Sunday, friends! Hope you are having a most wonderful day wherever on the world you find yourselves at the moment. I very quickly will be transitioning into reading time here since I just realized it’s already past 5pm, but I wanted to write a few words first. Because besides being the height of summer (well, at least the longest day of the year and the point at which I realize that yes, summer is here), it is also Father’s Day! And so thought I’d write a few words about my dad – yes here in a public forum and all. I mean, I write enough about myself that I suppose it shouldn’t be surprising.

How do I start? I’m grateful to have a dad that I love talking to every day. I am now past my 39th birthday and headed to my 40th (which is strange to think on), yet still one of the highlights of my day is in the morning (almost always around 7am or so) when he calls or I call and we chat for a few minutes about life and sundry. It may be about sports or food or family or politics or Scripture or random life drama. It may be for only a minute or two or it may be ten. But nonetheless, it is always oh so much a joy just to get a few minutes chatting to Dad. I treasure these moments much. Because alas, we do not live nearby and it’s only a few times a year that we actually get time together in person, so of course our phone time is precious.

But that’s just current state. I look back at my life and while I could spend far too much time talking about various moments of my life and the people that impacted me, it would not be surprising for me to say that one of the people who’s impacted me the most throughout the course of my life has been my dad. I of course have memories of all the fun things we did together as I grew up – going to baseball games in Baltimore, playing football in the park, going to the beach for vacation and playing all kinds of random games, so many cards games! – but those aren’t the memories I hold the fondest. No indeed, I think on the life my dad lived and the example he has given me. I remember growing up how he prioritized his walk with the Lord – this walking being both literal and metaphorical! – and I remember how he talked about God in such a way that I had no doubt God was real. I remember the deliberate time he took to go outside and walk in the woods and pray to God almost every day when we were small. I remember how he made it a point of focus to lead my family in Bible-reading and singing and prayer almost every evening before we went to bed. At times I’m sure I wasn’t excited about it or didn’t truly understand all that was going on. Yet one thing I did get. It was important to spend time meditating on God’s word and worshipping him in spirit and truth. I had no doubt that my dad loved God mightily. I had no doubt that the faith of my dad was real.

But yes, even as I got older I made the realization all kids someday make. Wait…my dad isn’t actually perfect, is he? Yet even that was a lesson to me. I saw how Dad leaned on the Lord and cried out to him and made God his support and strength even in his very own weakness. I witnessed my Dad’s utter reliance on God in the valley of the shadow of death and his steadfastness even when life was ever so hard. I think of one word when I think of my dad – faithfulness. Throughout the travails of this life, he pressed on to know the Lord and be faithful in the day to day. Oh that has been an inspiration to me and even now it is something I often think on. I have no desire for great things in my own life. I simply want to be faithful to my God no matter what comes. My parents had many trials and tribulations they passed through (and are still passing through!) yet I witnessed my dad’s faithfulness to His Lord throughout. My dad spent the last twenty-six years of his ministry as a pastor of a small church and times were not always easy or fun in this ministry. Still yet? Dad was faithful in the strength of the Lord. And beyond that? I witnessed his love. I sometimes fear my own love is cold and not what it should be and I cry out to God to soften my heart. For I remember the example of Dad and how he loved others – he loved the weak and the downtrodden and the poor, the people in this world who most would despise and think little of. My dad loved them in real and tangible ways, with time, money & emotional energy, seeking day in and day out to show the love of Christ to those people around him who needed it. Oh that I might model such in my own life, loving others as I put their needs before my own!

And wrapping this up, as I know I have written too much already. I see the love Dad has for my mom and for us his children. Even now as I seek to love my own wife, I remember how Dad loves Mom and puts her needs and wants before his own and how he does all he can to protect, honour, love and cherish her in the mundane of the day to day. Oh if I could love Dani only a fraction as well as Dad loves Mom, I’ll be grateful!! And I see how Dad loves us his children. Yes, he loved us in raising and providing for us and giving us fun times. But also? He loved us in disciplining us and training us in the way in which we should go, teaching us the things of the Lord and mightily modeling what it is to be a child of God. He showed us true humility, what it means to be a servant of all. Dad showed me that only through daily going to the Lord in His Word and in prayer would we truly be able to thrive and rejoice in the trials of the everyday. Even now, as I seek to read the Word each and every day in the knowledge of how much it benefits my soul, I thank God that he gave me such an earthly father, one who points to my heavenly father.

Yes, I know that Dad isn’t perfect. He’s a man, after all. Yet by the grace of God, he’s a redeemed man, one who God chose and blessed and called in ministry to serve him all the rest of his days. And so as I think on my own life and recognize my own follies and frailties, I thank God for the gift of my earthly father and how God has used him to bless me so. I thank God that through him, I am reminded of what it is to be a man of God. I lean on my Lord in quiet desperation and in fervent hope look above to what is to come, that day when we shall be with the Lord and see his face. I know that this too is what Dad longs for. We look to that day when we will be in the presence of our heavenly father and we worship together as brothers, forever.

Stanley Says

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A quiet night ahead hurrah! It’s been raining on and off all day and while I’m grateful that we don’t need fear a drought anytime soon, I am a little bit tired of the constant wetness, I must confess. Someday soon perhaps the sun will show her face again. I have hopes! Now though I’m grateful for a night in which a hearty dinner shall be enjoyed and Dani and I can sit and be still and rest. So thankful for nights such as this. I would like to do some creative writing at some point, but my brain is starting to tick down and I don’t feel like my reserves have enough left to fire off the creative engines. Ah I sigh. I do feel that writing would do me ever so much good but I just don’t trust myself to write anything worthy. Of course, it’s not always about worthiness, true? I have had this thought before. Sometimes simply the stretching of one’s imagination and allowing oneself to run on down the path is enough, no matter the destination and no matter if the castle fades to mist a few hours down the line. So instead I think I will allow myself to enjoy a quiet night in which my mind settles more comfortably into this achingly wistful mood and my body relaxes on the couch in which I sit. I shall perhaps sip on something cold and let my eyes dance down a page of a favourite book. It is good to rest, is it not?