It’s…a Monday. Horrors! It’s actually not that bad of a day(yet) although I am very tired nonetheless as my weekend was very busy(with fun social things!) and I am most sure I did not get enough sleep. Alas. And even last night..though it was a free night and I should have probably gone to bed early, I was silly and decided to watch one of my recent fav movies(Dan in Real Life, which although silly and somewhat ridiculous for multiple reasons….is much loved by me, so says I). Now I’ve been wanting to write something for a while, as it’s been too long since I’ve been creatively writing…yet once again my muse fails me and my lack of sleep haunts me and so yet once again there will be nothing pretty written this day. Someday. Someday I will yet write of those diaphanous clouds floating through the silken skies, blue so bright the eyes water and head spins and yet the heart sings of bare-branched trees and sunlight brilliant, unwaveringly poured down upon the earth as honey upon the bread and yet – and still – the song is heard through the rustling of the dancing limbs of trees unfettered by grave-countenanced dusky shadows. Someday beauty comes.
Tag: writing
First Date
As of when I hit this post button, I will have posted every single day of this year thus far. Granted, that is only three days. Still – let me bask in this moment, at least for a bit.
Today is Serious Topic Tuesday, a day which may or may not be repeated depending on my mood and work schedule this coming year. But today at least, I have a Topic and so I shall Discuss. What is this topic? Why – it is of days and stars and sundry things. In more mundane terms – astrology.
The soothsayers out there may rejoice in this study of the celestial bodies and their alleged influence on our lives. I do not rejoice at this topic – indeed, it’s been a reason for scoffing oft in my past. But today as I perused one of my online havens, I noted an article about this subject and I wondered why so many people seem to put such stock in something that seems to be founded on such sinking sands. I do not understand. And like most of us, I don’t like not understanding something. I eventually clicked on the article and sighed to myself as I began to read. This article was written in a quite positive manner (I suppose I should cite my source – so it is The Ringer, article link here: Teen Astrologists of Tumblr) and I quickly began to understand the fascination attraction astrology has for so many.
What is its attraction? Well, remember what I said above? We don’t like not understanding a thing. This is true. We – I speak as the human collective – do not like things without meaning, things that do not make sense. When we see the wars raging in this world, our soul crys out: why? When we see the hurricanes and blizzards tear down our homes, our soul crys out: why? And when our relationship fails or our emotions spiral into the abyss of self-reflective loathing, our soul crys out: why? Again – we like to make sense of things. The grand affairs of this world may be beyond the scope of most of us. But our individual lives, surely we can put those in order. Ok maybe not that. But surely we can at least understand why we are the way we are and why things happen to us the way they do. Right? Maybe then we can determine which decisions we should make to maximize our happiness and minimize our failures. And thus is the lure of the study of the stars. It tells us why. It tells a story of ourselves which explains things that we cannot explain on our own. And like all great stories that we love telling, it puts us at the center.
Now – I did not think I would be able to adequately explain this…then I go to to the final two paragraphs of the article. These lines say it all, far better than I could. Excerpted below:
“I was comforted by her response. I’d spent a significant amount of time and effort reporting out this story. And Ives’s breezy logic made me feel at ease. This generation rules the internet! I thought. Case closed! It was only then I understood the awe of her teen fan base. Her relaxed, poetic analysis of whatever complicated life puzzle was thrown her way was therapeutic to witness. It made sense that a young, emotionally ripe teen would find solace in her words.
“It’s stories about you that I’m writing,” Ives ventured, explaining her appeal. “You’re the one who’s divine. You’re the one that’s a god or a goddess. You’re the one that should be worshipped. You’re the one who has all the answers and has all this potential. You don’t need anyone else to bring that out of you; it’s all you. Astrology is just a reflection of that potential. The ultimate truth will be inside you.” Or, in the case of her band of teen followers, somewhere deep down a Tumblr rabbit hole.”
And there you go. This author – props to her by the way on a well written article – said it beautifully. We like things to make sense. We like to think we are as gods. Re-read the above paragraphs and the stark attraction of astrology is immediately evident. The mechanics and foundation of this alleged science are unimportant. What is important is the results – namely, self-discovery, self-realization and self-actualization. Once you have ascended to the throne and sat down, all else is unimportant.
But does reality beg to differ? Why yes, it does. And this is what I find so fascinating. Is astrology real? Is it not? Does it matter? These are all questions that can be pondered, but at the end of the day, one must wonder – what is real? Because if certain things are real, we should shudder at the implications. This is where I get on my soapbox – pardon, but it’s *my* soapbox – and declare that truth does indeed matter. All our self-constructed idealogies crumble and fall before the reality of the universe and He who made it. If there truly is a god – and this god is far more real than a star-crossed fantasy – then there are realities that need to be considered. Who is this god? What impact does this god have on my life? Does the story of this god answer all my deepest questions and quell all my deepest fears? If this story is truly worth telling because it is Real, then I must consider carefully what I believe. What we believe does have consequences. What we believe shapes who we are and what decisions we make. And if there is a god who demands our worship, then we must answer. There is only one throne. Who is on that throne? Is it I? Or is it God?
Consider carefully what is truth before you ascend to that throne. Consider carefully, my friend.
Fluffy
And so I return to this posting apparatus, though not as quickly as I thought when I wrote last post. It is now Thanksgiving Eve and I sit with my mug of coffee here, about to do some more reading…but thought I should continue my chronicle first, while it is still fresh in my mind! I must say as I type this, I am much enjoying the Tampa home keyboard…it is very mechanically responsive and fun to type on. Much more bouncy than my laptop keyboard, I approve. This may or may not contribute to my being even more verbose than usual…apologies in advance.
Anyways! I think I ended my last post talking about game night with Laura and Caisson and friends and getting to bed far too late. Thankfully the next morning we were able to sleep in a little…had some coffee together, then we went out to get breakfast(/brunch?) at one of their favorite breakfast spots – a diner that had definitely not been around when I was in Gainesville! Actually…this was a running theme throughout my time in Gainesville…so much had changed since my residency there, even though it’s been less than nine years. Whole new roads had appeared and new shopping centers and other things have replaced woods and fields(my favorite open field at corner of University and 13th is now a shining uber-modern apartment complex – the horror!). Progress(in shape of concrete and steel) marches on unimpeded by more poetic concerns…
Pardon that interlude – but onward! We had a lovely time eating breakfast(I had a delicious breakfast pie with eggs and cheeses and meats and it was wonderful alongside the good strong coffee) and of course talking. We had so much good talking times throughout this trip that I shall soon neglect to mention them, but just know they happened because Laura and Caisson are truly both so dear. Following breakfast, I’m trying to remember what we did next…if I recall correctly, it was a trip to campus! We spent a few hours wandering the gameday-crowded campus, seeing old spots(the Bunker at Graham! the new-(and improved??) Union! the Florida bookstore – I think we spent the most time there perusing random books!) and eventually ending up at Pascal’s Coffeehouse. Oh Pascal’s – truly the holder of so many memories. I even have an old adolescent lit story I wrote back in ’09 where this coffeehouse was featured prominently. And I am actually wearing one of their shirts as I write this now, randomly! Anyways – it was great fun being there again, walking past the table where Laura remembered first getting a text from Caisson, peeking into the room where so many good Creekside College Ministry Wednesday night meetings were held…and eventually, we got some drinks(a hybrid London-fog/peppermint mocha for me!) and ended up talking there for a while, the three of us. Expounding on the power of poetry and the characteristics it should contain. Caisson has a good “Three Laws of Poetry” summary that I really need to heed when I’m writing. I have discovered that I’m not really that good in presenting a clear and easily understandable theme to my audience in my works. I may know what’s there, but the readers most definitely do not always understand what I’m getting at! But I shall not attempt to summarize our whole conversation here.
Eventually, it was time to part ways…for I had told Laura and Caisson that I had wanted to spend a few hours by myself. These hours that I spent wandering campus…I don’t know if I can fully and properly put them to page here as it is something maybe best left to my heart and soul alone. But I had long desired to undertake what I have now called a pilgrimage back to the lands of my youth. And so I did walk through campus, stopping at the sites of so many hallowed memories. At each spot I was able to sit and reflect and think and meditate and pray on what God has done in me and for me and through me these past years. And as I brought back many memories…some bitter and some sweet…I could not help but thank my Father God for holding me fast throughout every dark night and every raging storm. I was able to write various things in my little notebook throughout this pilgrimage and while I shan’t reproduce them all here(partly because they’re very crude and quickly written and not at all amenable to proper editing and partly because I want the majority to remain truly personal), I will put down one…
Lake Alice
gleams prettily
in glow
of setting sun –
its quiet beauty
thrills my soul.
A heron rests
atop the stillness.
I shiver
at the
crickets’ song.
That is the least emotional(and/or personal) so I think it’s ok for sharing here!
Now eventually I realized that even over two hours of walking around by myself was not sufficient for my purposes…but I knew I must return to Laura and Caisson’s place for dinner! Laura came and picked me up and after a quick detour to Target(where asparagus and…er…the long desired new Taylor album reputation were acquired), we returned to the apartment. Caisson was in the middle of crafting a delicious Guinness-beef stew..full of beef and carrots and onions and parsnips and other savoury ingredients. This was poured over mashed potatoes and it was definitely a proper and hearty dinner! After we enjoyed that, we eventually decided a quiet movie night was in order. It may have taken us a while to decide on a movie, but eventually we did settle on an old classic I’d never seen before…10 Things I Hate About You and it was much enjoyed – full of classic Shakespeare references and fun 90s nostalgia! I do so love fun high school movies from my era and this is a well-deserved classic…Heather Ledger and Julia Stiles..simply perfect.
Now…this entry is far too long and I’ve decided to end it for the now. Going to go off with my coffee and have more reading time. Also listening to some classic hymns(And Can It Be currently playing) and I just can’t focus on writing anymore. Peace and love.
The Baseball
So I have a little time and I thought I may as well write now even though I am tired(and yet don’t feel it). Mocha americano and adrenaline still pumping through my veins…last night watched one of the greatest games of baseball I’ve ever seen, not even taking into account the fact that it’s Game 5 of the World Series with my Astros in it. (And yes they’re my third team after Rays and O’s – but gosh if I can’t help but love them!) Last night though – so many moments of ups and downs I can’t even describe them all. It’s starting to all run together now…but I still vividly remember the end…we had been down so many times(4-0…7-4…8-7…each time we battle back). Finally we had the lead 11-9 in the bottom of the 8th but I know our bullpen too well and I am not satisfied…we need insurance runs, I tell Emily! And happily enough – McCann(the beast) provides – solo shot – exhilaration! 12-9 going into top of the ninth. Surely that is enough. And oh no. The Dodgers(pesky foe that they are) scratch and claw and even when we’re one out away from winning we cannot put them away. They tie the game. We fail to do anything in bottom of ninth. 12-12 extra inning time. We go into the tenth and I’m thinking there’s no way our beleagured bullpen stops them. Somehow we do. Bottom of the tenth. First two hitters go down. 2 outs. Then McCann is up again…hit by pitch! He’s on first. Springer is up – what a hero. He’s seeing the ball well…battles for a walk. McCann is on 2nd and now Hinch pulls him and puts in a pinch runner(Fisher). I’m a little nervous at this point, commenting that McCann is such a good catcher…we’ll regret not having him if this goes deeper. But oh me of little faith. Hinch and the Astros are playing to win *now*. And Bregman comes up. World Series Game 5, 12-12, bottom of the 10th, 2 outs. You dream of this. And…he hits to shallow left and Fisher is flying around the bases and oh he scores and oh it’s game over. 13-12 what a game. What a night! We all kept looking at each other saying “This game!” each time something crazy happened…a roller coaster of baseball I’ve never experienced before! So much cheering ecstatically – so many groans and heads bowed…but the end. Oh the end. I guess I’ve neglected to mention the fact that this game was a home game…I was with Erica and Emily and Michelle and friends downtown at a little establishment known as HTX Fan Tavern. Literally right across the street from Minute Maid Park! We decamped to an outdoor viewing area around…the 8th inning I think? And as we stood(and shivered) and watched the last few innings(me wondering if I’d get any sleep tonight at all – oh wait it’s morning now, hello midnight!)…I realized how rare a chance it is to get to be a part of such an epic World Series. The last hit that Bregman got…as we were watching, we heard some shouts and screams from people down the street…I’m wondering why they’re shouting when nothing happened…then thought…wait…is our game broadcast slightly delayed…wait…and then it happened and Fisher flew around the bases and everyone’s screaming and jumping up and down and and and baseball. Truly my first sports love and now I remember why. I may always remember this Astros line-up – such a special group – Springer, Bregman, Altuve, Correa, Gurriel, Reddick, Gattis, Gonzalez, McCann. Team of dreams. Go Astros.
And yes this is an atypical post full of sports and possibly a bit too much gushing over athletes…and it’s terribly sloppily stream of consciousness written…but I don’t care and shall still leave it for posterity just so that I shall remember what a fun amazing night this was. My (probably) sleep-deprived brain is not that great at writing eloquently. Alas. Somehow I still don’t feel tired yet. Apparently my strategy of telling myself when I went to bed that I was just going to sleep for a nice hour and a half nap worked. I feel so fresh! Went in to Starbucks and got my drink(and I gave Jake and Katie some chocolate chip cookies I baked yesterday!) and now I’m at work and the office is all buzzing about the Astros. As is proper.
I’m off to attempt to work. Happy Monday, all. Peace and love.
Ragtime
Saturday morning time here(well – technically afternoon, 12:03 at the moment!) and I’m at Starbucks with my mocha americano and my will to write is flagging. Alas. I have had a lovely morning…it is nice and cold outside – in the 40s! – and I did mean to go for a nice run in the early morning dark. My body decided it did not want that and I slept through my alarm…woken up by the sun instead. Guess I needed the extra sleep!! And truly I did – stayed up late last night watching the Astros game with Jared. And by Astros game – I mean World Series Game Three. Because yes – Astros are in the WS! They’re up 2-1 at the moment. Two more games. If they win, Houston will go crazy and it will be magnificent! They may only be my third baseball team(after Rays and O’s) but I’m still heartily rooting for them. Anyways! That was last night and of course it was much fun watching it with Jared. This morning after I finally dragged myself out of bed, went and had a great breakfast time with Earnie and Jake. Oh so encouraging. And now here I sit at Starbucks and it’s already after noon and I probably should go soon because I do need to do a little shopping, stop at the dry cleaners and then get home to do cleaning and chores.
So…can I write as much as I planned? I suppose not. But…I think I do have time to share my latest CD tracklist…composed a few months ago and it is utterly fantastic(even approved of by Laura and Caisson!). It’s story? Well – I had planned to make a more “melancholy-lite” playlist but I had also wanted to put some new Needtobreathe songs on. And it then morphed into what it is now – a playlist that starts gloomily enough but soon morphs into some good old-fashioned toe-tapping fun. Because it has a few songs that could be considered a bit more country/folk…it’s title is thus influenced. There are quite a few songs that have glorious harmonica! I also chose the title from one of my all-time favourite verses from one of my all-time favourite chapters from one of my all-time favourite books. As lovely as this earth may be, I do confess that I am a stranger and an exile in it. So do I present…A Country of Their Own:
1. Solitaire – Marina and the Diamonds
2. The Last Time(feat. Gary Lightbody) – Taylor Swift
3. All Too Well – Taylor Swift
4. Call You Home – Mangas Colorado
5. Black and Blue – Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors
6. Funeral Beds – The Districts
7. Money & Fame – Needtobreathe
8. Unbelievers – Vampire Weekend
9. Happiness – Needtobreathe
10. Supercut – Lorde
11. Forget – Marina and the Diamonds
12. Born Again Teen – Lucius
13. Great Night(feat. Shovels & Rope) – Needtobreathe
14. Trustful Hands – The Dø
15. Postcard Memories – Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors
16. Feet, Don’t Fail Me Now(Live) – Needtobreathe
17. Wasteland(Live) – Needtobreathe
18. More Heart, Less Attack(Live) – Needtobreathe
And I am now all caught up on posting my playlists. Finally!! I guess that means it’s time to craft a few more. One more note on the above – I do truly love it. It ranks up there with eyes closed, Heart Open as a list of songs that mirror my heart and thrill my soul…shadows the melancholy I sometimes feel…and echoes the joy that overflows my cup when I remember my true home. May all my “creative” endeavours always be thus.
Peace and love, dear friends.
What is Not to Love?
Hello friends – happy Saturday!! I am posting at a later time than usual this Saturday…and a not-normal place. Currently sitting on my couch as I enjoy my raspberry/banana/spinach smoothie…most notably not at Starbucks, shocker! But I’ll explain why in a bit. It’s been a beautiful Saturday so far…starting off with sleeping in until 6, which was much enjoyed(and much needed). It’s been a long week, with work just being crazy busy and moderately stressful and most tiring all the way around. So last night was an enjoyable relaxing evening. Dinner of fish and potatoes followed by reading…started reading John Owen Vol 3 – “The Holy Spirit”. It may take me a year to read it but it will be glorious. Over six hundred pages of very small words…in sentences that are not easy to understand. But oh so worth it and oh so beneficial and encouraging to my soul. Thus continues my lifetime quest to read all of John Owen.
Anyways! This morning as said previously, woke up at 6, enjoyed a nice coffee and reading time here at the flat. Then went down to Black Walnut for a nice breakfast with Julie! We haven’t had time to get together in quite some time…so as I enjoyed my salmon eggs benedict and honey-sweetened coffee, we had much good chat(and at least on my side – I was much encouraged!!). Oh what a sweet friend is she. Following that, went to Men’s Wearhouse to get fitted for my suit for Julian’s wedding(which is in January and I can’t wait! Kelsey and him are perfect together – such a God-honouring couple. Truly glorious shall this wedding be!). After that, did a few other errands…then stopped at Starbucks where I truly meant to sit down and get some writing done. I got distracted by Katie who had just got off her shift and was having lunch before preparing to study for some of her classes. We ended up talking for over an hour about sundry topics…a totally unplanned conversation that was very enjoyable nonetheless! I do so love talking with someone that loves God and seeks to honour Him in all things. Very thankful to God for this random talk that He blessed me with!!
Following chat with Katie, I realized it was past lunchtime and I still needed to do my food shopping. No time to stay at Starbucks and write alas! So left Starbucks and went and did my HEB/Trader Joe’s run and finally made it home…talked with John and Camille for a bit before they ran off and I sort of enjoyed some leftover soup that needed to be eaten.
Now…I’m sitting here on the couch, half-watching the Michigan State/Indiana game(incredibly boring 3-3 game at the moment…) while I write this entry. This is a bit of rambling entry, but it’s been a while(I think?) since I’ve done one of these, so I will indulge myself. Soon I shall be off to Starbucks(yes, again!) to meet up with Earnie and Julian. It will be a sweet time of fellowship with dearest friends, of that I have no doubt. And because I really have nothing else to write…I guess I’ll sign off? Oh! I do have a poem that I need to finish and post at some point, but don’t think I have the muse at the moment. It’s the kind of poem that needs to be written at early-weekday-morning time…with the melancholy that can only come from brooding at work in the early dark. So – maybe next week you’ll get to see that.
Oh one more thing. Pizza Hut commercial just came on. I cannot wait until I can eat that again. It will be BEST NIGHT EVER.
Now I really shall end this. Peace out!
A Candle Carried Up the Steps
I will yet catch up on my mix CDs…(as long as I don’t make more anytime soon)…so here is another one. This one is a bit of a different style for me yet again – I could call it my punk/rock mix, which it kinda is. I’ve for a while wanted to have a “Best of Greenday” CD…but I don’t quite have enough songs for a whole CD for that. So I decided to just make a whole punk CD. Why not, right? Consequently though – this isn’t the most “cheery” playlist. It’s a great soundtrack for driving furiously through Houston though!! And how do I explain it thematically…? Well, I could say it’s the cry of a heart that knows something is missing but knows not what. Or the rage of a girl who just thinks she has it all together…until she doesn’t. Or the tears of a boy who is breaking on the inside and no one knows and no one cares. Or I could let the title speak for itself. I cautiously (and somewhat guiltily) present…Lost and Not Yet Found:
1. Girlfriend – Avril Lavigne
2. The Best…Thing – Avril Lavigne
3. Sk8er Boi – Avril Lavigne
4. Complicated – Avril Lavigne
5. Hitchin’ A Ride – Greenday
6. She’s A Rebel – Greenday
7. Holiday – Greenday
8. Boulevard of Broken Dreams – Greenday
9. Jesus of Suburbia – Greenday
10. Homecoming – Greenday
11. Hello Again – Lost Prophets
12. Wake Up – Lost Prophets
13. Last Train Home – Lost Prophets
14. Last Summer – Lost Prophets
15. Embers and Envelopes – Mae
16. Christie Road – Greenday
17. Wake Me Up When September Ends – Greenday
18. Time of Your Life – Greenday
I did send this CD to Laura and Caisson and I don’t remember their thoughts on it. Must remedy that and see what they thought! Also, this playlist is an interesting one for me in how many of these songs nostalgically take me back to late high school and early college days…fascinating how music does that, mm? Last Summer and Time of Your Life in particular recall very specific and special memories from end of high school…some twelve years ago now! Ah how my God has blessed me and will continue to do so. To Him be all glory – always.
Oh So Woke
Right – I was going to post a nice long meandering entry this morning at Starbucks. Sadly, when I first got here there was no convenient table near an outlet and my battery was low, thus I was restricted to writing in my notebook for a time instead. Now I don’t have long as I must be off homewards so I can have lunch and get on with the rest of my day! So this entry will have to wait…maybe tomorrow. I wanted to write on some of my concert experiences and some of my recent thoughts on suffering for Christ and really just let my fingers dance across the keyboard for a time. Alas, maybe later.
But I shall at least share my joy at this wonderful morning. Clearly I have been in Houston too long and am much corrupted by that fact…but as it was barely 80 degrees this morning, I couldn’t help but roll down the window and let my arm hang outside the car as I drove…fall is finally (basically, kinda) here and it is glorious!! And as I drove down Briar Forest Drive…I was reminded again of the goodness of the Lord. This road I drove down was adorned with many overhanging boughs and hedges of flowers and kindred things and for a time, I could feel as if I was driving down an old country road in the Scottish countryside. For a time. So my God this morning has granted me a blessed experience of the lovely world that He has made…and I remembered anew all that my God has done for me. Maybe someday I will live somewhere where I am able to more often see the beauties of the world that God has made…but for now, I shall be grateful for these quiet glimpses of forest grandeur.
Peace and love, always.
Jazz and Coffee and Sun Most Bright
So thought it was time to post another one of my recent(eh – sort of – sometime earlier this year at least!) mix CDs. This one is a fun one, with a very brooding first 3/4…you may not know most of these songs, but I have much enjoyed this CD. I have fond memories of this CD…the first time I listened to this one was when driving to Earnie and Mandy’s wedding reception up in the country north of Houston. Driving along a winding country road to the beat of quality tunes…good times indeed. Will always remember that! (Side-note – just had Earnie and Mandy over last night…much good chat was had over chocolate chip cookies and wine. Quality combination? I say yes!)
Back to the mix…there is also a few more foreign language songs than I usually would put on a CD. I think I have Portuguese, French and Arabic all represented! I know at least Caisson and Laura like this one, since I sent them one copy when I first made it!!
Laura was just listening to it when I called her the other day. Anyways…let me present…Long My Imprisoned Spirit Lay:
1. Silence – Portishead
2. The Rip – Portishead
3. Sour Times – Portishead
4. Lise – Emilie Simon
5. To The Dancers in the Rain – Emilie Simon
6. Demier Lit – Emilie Simon
7. Desert – Emilie Simon
8. Ya Sidi – Orange Blossom
9. We Carry On – Portishead
10. Starve the Ego, Feed the Soul – The Glitch Mob
11. Fortune Days – The Glitch Mob
12. Small – Portishead
13. Sing it Out – Switchfoot
14. Hello Hurricane – Switchfoot
15. Lightning – Morningsiders
16. Empress – Morningsiders
17. I Built a Home – The Branches
18. Fight to Keep – Run River North
Interlude the Second
Wrote a quick poem yesterday…when I say quick, that is not an understatement. I think I wrote it in approximately 45 seconds. Of course, that also means the quality is a bit…compromised. Nonetheless, I share it below as a glimpse of my random soul.
Pride cometh before a fall,
but sometimes the fall precedes
the threatened pride,
and this fall may be
a stumble, large or small,
and may stinging
bring such tears of pain,
but nevertheless it is
a mercy true,
that we might remember
we are not
the fairest of them all.
