Last night the thunder rumbled deep and the lightnings frequently pulsed throughout the sky and although the rain did drop but softly, the night was not quiet. And so despite the fact that it would have been glorious to have a good night’s sleep, I am sad to report that it was not so. And thus I am most sleepy this morning. But I still cannot complain, for the storm heralded the cold front which has now swept through and although 58 degrees isn’t particularly cold, I will take what I can get in April in Houston. And today as I sleepily traversed the concrete river that is I10 into work, I pondered on the fact that back in Aberdeen days, I used to be able to commute with the countryside on my right side and the North Sea on my left…oh how I do miss the beauty of those days! Alas it is not quite as pretty driving through the heart of Houston. Yet this morning my heart was soothed with the music from the inimitable Seaspray and I reflected on the fact that my God assuredly has His hand upon me this day. Now and forever. And after I had a fun coffee chat with Jacqui over in my old building, I walked back over to my office and relished the chill air of the morning and gazed at the slowly lightening pre-dawn sky, blue striated with iron-grey clouds and holding the promise of far more than the eye can see. Just as surely as in my Genesis reading today when Abram was told to go forth and he did and was promised many wonderful things…so I know my path is laid before me and my future is certainly beautiful. Peace and love, my friends. Now and forever.
Tag: writing
Scribblings
The scent of jasmine wafted through the open window. He breathed deep. Truly, this was a different place. As he continued to climb the stairs, he looked out the window to his right and gasped. The grey sky from down below was gone. Now there was only blue sky as far as his eye could see, even to the horizon. Below him green foliage waved cheerfully. The tops of trees, he realized. From above it was difficult to identify the types of trees, but they were large, that he knew. Yet it seemed as if he looked out upon a carpet of living green tendrils, welcoming and inviting.
The sky glowed an even deeper blue. The sun was nowhere to be seen and if he had to guess, it was surely not far past noon. Yet the breeze floating through the window was cool and crisp and he breathed in the scent of jasmine once more. He came to himself and found that he was standing still at the window, captured by the glories of the day, enraptured by the true found stories. He had heard tell of this, but even now, he didn’t know how it was possible. This was a dead world. Or so he had been told. Where did this life come from? Was it a dimensional pocket extrusion or a fancy holographic illusion? He doubted it. Even the finest light tech couldn’t replicate such beauty as lay before him. Maybe it was a different universe. Indeed, he thought his own incapable of this. Maybe in Old Earth. Not here. Not now.
And now he understood why some would come to pilgrimage here. Now he knew why some would come to live a half-remembered dream. Even if he didn’t truly understand where or how or why he was, he did not doubt that he was. He breathed in deep. Again the jasmine. Again the light of the heavens startled him with its brilliance. Surely it was not possible for something to be so blue.
He supposed he should keep climbing. He had been standing at the window for what could have been either hours or days. He knew not. With a sigh, he turned and stepped upwards. He knew he dare not linger, even though he felt as if he may never see such a glorious sight with his own eyes again.
As he continued up the stairs, it seemed that the staircase started to spiral in a tighter circle, that possibly the stairs began to narrow. He wasn’t sure, so gradual was the change. The deep mahogany of the handrail felt warm beneath the skin of his hand as he ascended. His legs now seemed incapable of stopping. Upward and onward.
Every few steps he would pass another window of blue radiance and he would smell jasmine and honeysuckle and he would feel the wind caress his cheek. Yet he did not stop for he knew that what he sought was nigh. What he sought! But he sought for nothing, that’s what he had told the old man down below, so long ago now. The old man in his violently violet robes, welcoming him in a voice that had seemed overly pretentious and full of joy at the time. Now the man wondered. Was everything coming true?
He wasn’t a pilgrim, he had told the old man. Pilgrims are fools, blinded by the whispered glories of a dead past. Why was he here? Well, it was simple – he had superiors who had superiors who in a most superior fashion had declaimed desires of revealing what lay beneath the pernicious rumours. And he was the least threatening of his kind, so of course he would be the one sent. To discover and learn and seek the truth. To expose, as he thought of it. To rip the curtain back from the hallowed temple of the weak-minded.
And so he had entered the squat building earlier this morning (week? Month? Year?) and despite the cheap ceramic-overlaid interior décor, he had smiled as he heard strains of Rachmaninoff’s 2nd faintly echoing, as if from a far-off room. And then the old man had ruined everything with his ridiculous grand entrance and pretentious posturing and vain attempts to justify the existence of the Tower.
Despite the old man’s pleas, he had ignored all the scribblings and carvings. He had seen the same such artifacts countless times before. Forward to the main attraction, forward to the staircase. At least he knew of the staircase now, after his…encounter of the night before. Gooseflesh rose. He would not recall those memories.
But now he climbed. And at the bottom he was a man who believed nothing and ventured everything because what was there to lose? Now as his hand gripped the rail tightly, he shuddered. Did he believe? Could he believe?
A doorway loomed ahead. There were no more stairs. The door was small, barely taller than his own height. It was of oaken appearance, inlaid with finely wrought metallic elements. Light glowed and pulsed amongst the metal engravings. Warming, welcoming light. His hand left the railing and he grasped at the doorknob. It was cool and smooth under his touch, and it seemed to melt into his hand as if his hand was the only key that could unlock the door.
He shuddered again. In fear? In bliss? He did not know. What had they done to him?
What were they doing to him?
He could not resist any longer.
He ever so slightly turned the doorknob.
And the door swung open.
Ashes
And another Tuesday rears its head. I have a few minutes in which to write, so write I shall! This morning a tragedy befell me. After a long and happy life, my cafetiere(or french press, if you want to use the coarse wording…) finally died the final death. The crack that has been worrying it for some time finally finished propogating all the way around the glass and so when I began to try and pour my coffee into the mug…let’s just say quite a bit of coffee went in a direction other than the mug as well. But this cafetiere has had a long and full life since I bought it in…2011 I think? I still remember being shamed by Pastor Dominic back then when he found out I drank instant coffee!! A rough paraphrase of his words, “James – my estimation of you has somewhat lowered hearing that.” Thereupon I immediately went to John Lewis and bought this gorgeous little cafetiere and indeed it has served me well. Now…I’ve written far too many words memorializing this coffee-making device and so I shall end with the happy news that because I am silly, I actually bought a back-up cafetiere from JL when I was in Aberdeen back a year and a half ago now. So…now I’m excited to put that one into service! May it last seven years as well.
And I suppose I should also log my latest read, which again – should not surprise you if you’ve been following my chronicles:
9. The Life and Diary of David Brainerd edited by Jonathan Edwards. Yesterday as the weather was still somewhat nice( Houston is heating up drastically though and I am sad!), I walked down to EQ and finished up this book on the porch, basking in the sunlight and the gentle breeze. But better than those external factors…finishing up this book chronicling the life of a man who loved God and longed for His glory. Oh how I wish I could make every one of you read this, but truly – what a wonderfully convicting and heartening work. I looked it up on amazon just now and the version I read is only $13.58 and it is worth every cent. So…buy it please. And read. I don’t remember this book affecting me quite as much the last time I read this, but I suppose I am in a different place now(emotionally, spiritually, geographically, whatev – ) and thus I should not be surprised at the change. But I can now say with confidence this is surely in the top three of my all-time favourite biographical/autobiographical works. I am a history nerd, I know…so partly the reason I love it so is the window into 18th century American Christianity, of course. And I am a theological nerd(surprised?) and so reading the doctrinal thoughts and convictions of Brainerd(along with the notes by J. Edwards! Brainerd actually died in the home of Edwards, so Edwards has quite a few first-hand comments regarding Brainerd and his circumstances) is supremely fascinating. But…the reason I love this book the most is because it is a glimpse into the mind and heart of a man who loved God passionately and desparately. And this book is the story of a man who poured himself out to the utmost, even to death. All for the glory of God. And so my heart cries for similar passion and love. May I live such. I am nowhere close. But may I strive and may I cry. If only I could live in such a humble, broken manner. All for the love of my God.
Gleeman
So today I am…once again…but for the first time in a while…sitting at Starbucks here in Houston. And as I let my mocha americano slightly cool so I can drink it without burning myself, I’m pondering on what to write here and as I think, I believe this will be a bit of a musical entry. I realize I haven’t posted any of my most recent mixes(the horror!), and so I shall at least chronicle one of them this day(will save others for later on). This is one of the mixes I did pre-Christmas, both for myself and to give a copy to Laura and Caisson! I quite enjoy this one even though it’s quite an odd mix of alt and folk and…pop? It makes me happy, even though it is maybe one of my most melancholy mixes yet. If you listen to it, you’ll notice the “turn” or the “upward, boundless gaze of the heart” doesn’t come until…the last minute of the last song? That is a rather late turn by my standards, but oh is it beautiful. In my mind, this is a beautiful mix to play when it is grey and wet and dreary outside…bare branches waving in the wind and heart swooping to follow. I should stop trying to describe it but merely post the tracklist. Do be aware – it is named after one of the Ainur from the Silmarillion – the angelic being who weeps for grief and cries for mercy, even for the very foulest evildoers. Enough dawdling pretense. Allow me to present…The Tears of Nienna:
1. Kitchen Door – Wolf Larsen
2. Hunnie Pie – Zella Day
3. Forget About Life – Alvvays
4. Grazed Knees – Snow Patrol
5. Soon – Big Little Lions
6. Where Did You Come From – Andrew & Veda
7. Top of the Stairs – Scott Mulvahill
8. Modern Nature – Sondre Lerche
9. I Don’t Know – Benjamin Gibbard
10. Vito’s Ordination Song – Sufjan Stevens
11. Promise – Ben Howard
12. If I Go, I’m Goin’ – Gregory Alan Isakov
13. Upward Over the Mountain – Iron & Wine
14. This is What Makes Us Girls – Lana Del Rey
15. New Year’s Day – Taylor Swift
16. Day Breaks – Norah Jones
17. Liability – Lorde
18. Go Home – Julien Baker
And there you go. Random eh? I’m actually quite happy with it.
Now you may think I’m done with my musical talk for today but it is not to be. I’ve spent the last hour(!!) or so updating my music metrics spreadsheet(by the way, this is my engineering side coming out…yes, I’ve made a spreadsheet to compile my music taste. Delightfully nerdy, I know!!). It took me a lot longer to update the artist/album counts…mostly because I didn’t realize how many mixes I’d made in 2017. Seven! Shockingly high count by my standards but it makes me happy too since I do like doing it. At some point when I have more time, I may detail out some interesting(maybe) facts about my music listening…but for now, I’ll give the top nine artists on my list(for period 2015-2017, inclusive). We have:
1. Green Day (12 tracks!)
2. Lorde (10)
3. Oh Hello’s (9)
4. The Postal Service (8)
5. Needtobreathe (7)
6. Seryn (7)
7. Switchfoot (7)
8. The Dø (7)
9. Zella Day (7)
I feel that Green Day is cheating just a bit, since I had one playlist last year(Lost and Not Yet Found) that had nine of their songs, which is practically a best-of and thus shouldn’t count…but hey, I’ll count them anyway. I do (somewhat guiltily!) love Green Day, so it’s not misleading. The rest of the list makes sense…no big surprises. I still have somewhat random taste, per usual.
My newest mix, which is still in my car – Never Again Sighs the Dawn – I’m still not totally sure if it’s going to be the final mix or not. I like it…but wow, the flow is quite quirky. (Even by my standards!!) And it breaks some new ground in regards to country music…which may surprise a few people here and there. Anyways, once I do finalize it I’ll eventually post tracklist here. Eventually. Next one I post here will be my dance CD from Christmas last year – one which Laura at least said she much enjoyed – yay!!
Ok – now I have sat here at Starbucks far too long and I really should probably get moving. I have only talked about music today…shocking!!! Ah well – ’tis fun to write about. Now must get on to the rest of my day…be well my friends – go in the grace of our Lord!!!
Never Again Sighs the Dawn
Monday morning here…hello friends!! A quick few words.
Firstly…this is my 900th post here on livejournal. I suppose that’s not too momentous and really only matters to me, but I wanted to make it known. When will I get to 1000 I wonder…
Secondly…another book I need to log – even though I feel it’s cheating a bit since I really read most of it last year and then stopped reading it for about…9 months!? Finally picked it up the other night and finished the last few chapters.
7. Alexander Hamilton by Ron Chernow. Maryanne gave me this for Christmas of 2016 I believe, so quite a ways back now! I do so love biographies even though I typically focus on Christian ones. This was still quite good – got such a good glimpse into the historical details of the Revolutionary War period – and finding out more about Hamilton was indeed so fascinating!! Of course this book has now become super popularized because of the musical(which YES is amazing if you haven’t heard it yet!!), but the book deserves praise on its own merit. An extremely fun and easy read – I would definitely recommend to anyone who likes history and reading about interesting individuals. (And no excuses for me taking over a year to actually read this)
Thirdly…last night I went to bed far later than I should have. Two reasons for this. I for some reason felt in the mood to throw together a playlist of a lot of my most recent songs I’ve acquired(via John or my random youtube listening)…and then I realized I actually had enough for another CD and so I put them on a playlist and had to listen through to see what stuck. While I was doing that…I started my next book – a re-read of a series that will probably take a while but it is one of my very very favourites. The Eye of the World by Robert Jordan. I forgot how good this book is. I got sucked into the world of Rand al’Thor and the village of Emond’s Field…and before I knew it, I had enjoyed listening to a fantastic playlist(CD of which now sits in my car! It might be terrible though because it’s been vetted much less thoroughly than I usually do…) and read far too many chapters of EotW. Ah well. It was a pleasant Sunday night…I could have done far worse than had a night reading a good book while listening to lovely music…
Fourthly…I am consequently very sleepy today. All hail peppermint mocha and much espresso therein!
Peace and love.
Your Palms
Happy Friday friends!! Quick few words before work begins. (Wanted to write more but sadly time does not allow!) Firstly, need to log my latest read…(which you’ll probably not be surprised at if you’ve read any of my entries lately)
6. The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien. This book is one of my very favourites. And I typically like to re-read every few years…but this past re-read was after a little longer gap than most, mainly because of my nostalgia for the last re-read, which was in Aberdeen(in which this was my “garden read” whenever it was sunny outside!) So although I wanted to hold onto that Scotland memory, I could eventually wait no longer and started this book anew in the latter part of last year. Every time I read it, I do kind of wonder if I’m going to still have the same love for it…and every time I am reminded of my why I love it so. A book that is gorgeous and full of pathos and hits me in the inner parts of my soul. If I could write half as well(nay, a quarter!) as Tolkien, I would be thrilled. Alas! But reading this again, new passages continue to thrill me and I fall in love with Middle Earth and all my favourite characters all over again. I must confess, I didn’t read the appendices, but I don’t think I have to read those to count this book as read, right?? (Although – I did read a little bit of one appendix…after finishing the last chapter last night, I read the story of Aragorn and Arwen Undómiel. What love!) So I have written many words but little substance, so to conclude this I will just say that this book remains unparalleled amongst fiction – so beautifully does it rhyme with my soul and present glimpses of that more perfect Truth.
And now – the sand runs swift through the glass, yet I will press on a bit longer. Today I was blessed with a special gift…waking up extra early and actually being able to stay awake long enough to enjoy a gorgeously long coffee and reading morning. Fresh-ground coffee and wonderful words to be read and a few special moments with my God. What can compare? So I had over an hour to read and so I got to read a bit of David Brainerd’s diary, then Psalms 9-10, Proverbs 2 and Daniel 10-12(gorgeous chapters…love what Daniel is told at the end…terrible paraphrase: “Keep on keeping on…until you die and then someday at the end of all things you will rise anew – gloriously, wondrously!” Oh that I were a man who might also be called “one who is greatly esteemed” by my Lord) and also Romans 8. Sometimes I struggle to make it all the way through Romans 8…but today I had the time to luxuriously read through the entire chapter. Still – that first verse was almost too much for me and I can still barely grasp its magnitude –Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Bliss. And…who will separate us from the love of Christ?
Might my heart always burn so hotly for the love of my Lord.
Renewed
Happy Saturday friends!! Finally a bit of a time to rest here. This morning I woke up to the rain falling…and falling…and falling. An afteraffect of Harvey is that every time it rains a lot here in Houston…we all(well at least me) get slightly anxious. Not quite post-traumatic-stress-disorder…but it’s definitely a thing. Anyways, while I really wanted to just have a lovely relaxing morning with a big mug of coffee and leisurely quiet reading time as the rain slowly poured down outside…alas, it was not to be. Deacons meeting at 7:30, so I did have my mug of coffee and reading time, but not quite as leisurely as I would have liked. Good productive meeting, welcoming the four new deacons – welcome Earnie!! – and listening to Alex lay out some of the goals and desires of the elders. I was much encouraged to know God has blessed this church with such good and wise and God-fearing leaders. Following meeting…gassed up car and grabbed groceries…then figured I’d at least stop by Starbucks to see if any friends were there. Lo and behold – barista Katie was there, whom I hadn’t seen in ever so long! Got my espresso and chatted with her for a while…good catch-up hearing about her life of late…finally let her actually do her job and left to get haircut. Now I am officially ready for North Carolina trip next week – in which I get to see Maryanne and Deanna – hurrah!!! Can’t wait.
Now that I’ve spent far FAR too many words discussing my really pretty boring morning…I suppose I will end this and get back to my lunch. Grilled cheese and tomato soup as I watch the Leicester City/Man City football. A little touch of Britain this afternoon. Apparently I am in a nostalgic mood. Alright for serious – back to lunch! Maybe after this I will have a little nap, as I must confess I had minimal sleep last night…ended up watching several episodes of Suits with Julie last night and staying up far later than planned….so yes, a nap sounds wonderful.
Peace, my friends. Peace and love.
Super Post
It is Monday once again! Funny how that happens…
Just posting a few words here before work starts in earnest – (and before the week starts in earnest!) – thought I could chronicle this past weekend, but don’t really feel like writing that much. But – I can at least say that yesterday was a lovely day. Deacon duty at church, which meant I was running around the whole morning and didn’t really truly get to be in the worship service, but church was wonderful nonetheless and it is an honour to serve. Following church, had some chill time at home…talking with John…reading Spiritual Depression…enjoying a somewhat lazy Sunday afternoon! But yesterday was also a momentous Sunday(if football events can be counted as momentous!) as it was time for the Super Bowl, fifty-second of its name. Eagles and Patriots were playing…and honestly, since I don’t care for either of those teams, it was difficult to summon up the will to root for either of them. I decided I wanted a good game(which I got!) and a last minute Patriots comeback(which I didn’t get), since it’s always fun to watch an epic Patriots comeback(me and John have a running joke that whenever the Patriots are behind in the 4th quarter, they’re happy because “they have them just where they want them”, deepening their opponent’s eventual humiliation when the Patriots come back to win!) But alas, Tom Brady did not Tom Brady and the Eagles won a great game, 41-33. Go Eagles? Ugh, let those words never leave my mouth again. Anyways! It was a fun night – I didn’t want to go out anywhere, but Emily and Erica came over for a bit and so it was fun to hang out with them and catch up…and watch some football(and Justin Timberlake in halftime show!) together.
Now, this entry was longer than I anticipated so I must be off. Going to enjoy sipping on this peppermint mocha and watching the sky slowly lighten…
the Spanish Style
A wisp of wind ruffles the hair
of a boy sitting upon the bench
guitar held loosely in his hands
as he looks up to the stars on high and
ponders all that has come before
and so he strums a note or two
before letting all fade to silence
except for the music of the stars
and because his face is marred
and his hands so full of scars
he knows that not all is as it should be
but he knows that all is not as it will be
because the music from far away
calls his name and seems to say
Come now, Come now
Little child
Come now and hear
Let go your past
Let go your fear
Let go your pain
and listen dear
Little child
Come now, Come now
and upon the scuffed concrete sidewalk
falls a tear
because the name he is known by
is known by
that One who he knows is
the One who composes
all the music of the stars
all the music of those scars
on the hands and on the feet
of the One whom he
is known by.
Flowing Gold, Softer Silver
A few minutes to write this morning. …as I drove in to work this morning, noted the overwhelming full golden moon in the west. Slowly did it sink towards the horizon. But I could not help but be staggered by the beauty of the golden moon contrasted with the dark early morning sky and the garish city lights…the gleaming yellow loveliness of the moon overshadowed all else. All praises to the One who made it so.
And…I suppose I have at least a couple minutes to write on my readings this morning? Oddly enough(or not?!), my readings – as disparate as they were – had a common theme running throughout. The love of money is a dangerous thing…for truly wealth is not all and it will flow away, as fickle and fragile as a moonbeam in your hand. So why do we put our trust in money? We have hope in something that is so much better, do we not?
A few words from the exceedingly chilling prophecies of Ezekiel(sadly I have not the time to write all the words…but you can read for yourselves Chapters 6 & 7 to get full context):
“Then those of you who escape will remember Me among the nations
to which they will be carried captive,
how I have been hurt by their adulterous hearts which turned away from Me,
and by their eyes which played the harlot after their idols;
and they will loathe themselves in their own sight for the evils which
they have committed, for all their abominations.
Then they will know that I am the Lord;
I have not said in vain that I would inflict this disaster upon them…
All hands will hang limp and all knees will become like water.
They will gird themselves with sackcloth and shuddering will overwhelm them;
and shame will be on all faces and baldness on all their heads.
They will fling their silver into the streets and their gold will not be able
to deliver them in the day of the wrath of the Lord.
They cannot satisfy their appetite nor can they fill their stomachs,
for their iniquity has become an occasion of stumbling…
Make the chain, for the land is full of bloody crimes and the city is full of violence.
Therefore, I will bring the worst of the nations, and they will possess their houses.
I will also make the pride of the strong ones cease, and their holy places will be profaned.
When anguish comes, they will seek peace, but there will be none.
Disaster will come upon disaster and rumor will be added to rumor;
then they will seek a vision from a prophet, but the law will be lost
from the priest and counsel from the elders.
The king will mourn, the prince will be clothed in horror,
and the hands of the people of the land will tremble.
According to their conduct I will deal with them,
and by their judgements I will judge them.
And they will know that I am the Lord.”
Sorry for the over-quoting. But truly, what serious words are those. Can your wealth save? Can your luxuries satisfy? Surely no. And what devastating words are these: “According to their conduct I will deal with them and by their judgements I will judge them.” That is what we all deserve, to be judged according to the full measure of our deeds. Oh what bleakness is that.
Secondly…I also read in Acts 3…the account of Peter and John healing the lame man. One line quite struck me:
“But Peter, along with John, fixed his gaze on him and said, ‘Look at us!’
And he began to give them his attention, expecting to receive something from them.
But Peter said, ‘I do not possess silver and gold, but what I do have I give to you:
in the name of Jesus Christ the Nazarene – walk!'”
And just imagine that scene. Put yourselve in the lame man’s place…as he first anticipated that these kind gentlemen were about to give him money…and then in that split second after they said “I do not possess silver and gold,” imagine his disappointment. His face falls, his hope fails. That split second of disillusionment and pain. But then. Peter continues speaking and utters that most beautiful name – Jesus Christ. And as He heals the man through the power of God and changes this man’s life forever, what joy crosses that man’s face. He has received physical healing, yes. But of far more importance – eternity awaits! – he hears the name of Jesus and witnesses the power of God.
Do we understand this? We put so much faith and hope in earthly things – status, wealth, power. We think – surely if I had enough money, all would be well. Surely. But these things never satisfy. And so as the people of Jerusalem found out, all their wealth was as nothing in the face of their iniquities and the judgment of God. So too is all our money worthless for wiping away the stench and filth of our sins. Only One can take away our sins and cleanse us from unrighteousness and that is Jesus Christ, very God Himself. So today, let us set aside our worries for the physical things of this world and instead set our eyes on Jesus, the true Author and Perfecter of our faith. All else may fail us. All else will fail us. But our God never shall leave us nor forsake us – He will truly be with us and watch over us and care for us, all the days of our life. The nearness of God is our good, for He has forgiven us all our sins. Let us remember, let us rejoice and let us ceaseless love.
