I am grateful for the small and simple beauties of everyday life. I think that all that know me well know this well enough. Some may call me boring – the Lord knows that some have! Yet I don’t mind this ascription, especially when it very well may be true. I will take the charge and carry on and enjoy my book of the evening as I sit in the candlelight. I am not denying the fun that can be had in a grand adventure or the adrenaline thrill that may accompany a new experience in climes abroad. Once in a while, these have their place. But for tonight, I am thankful for the small things. Perhaps this comfort comes from the larger and greater comfort that my feet are firmly planted on the rock on which I stand and the reality of my place in a symphony that has been written long ago. And so as the music soars out against the rafters and the birds tweet along with the part they have been assigned, I nod along assured that I need not fear when I hear of wars or rumors of such things because I know that I am my God’s and He is mine. Instead I pray for strength for today and good cheer as I walk along this pilgrim path and ask for fortitude that I may remain faithful still. And I walk along the viaduct noticing the way the sunset light touches the foothills and smile to know that I need not worry that the third movement will carry along uninterrupted. Soon the climax, soon the bowstrings will in their anticipation quaver and the trumpet sound one last time. For now I’m simply grateful for this small moment in my armchair.
Tag: prose
Paradise
I stand at the shoreline and relish the feel of the cool sand upon my bare feet. I look out over the early morning waters and take a deep breath. The breeze washes over me and reminds me of the long ago time on the Oregon coast when the birds sang low and the bonfire of roses burned. Now I have no such stark reminder of the sacrifice that has been made for me. Instead it is only my inner muse that chants the song and keeps my hands steady in anticipation of what comes. I lift the lamp to my eyeline and let it hang there a moment or two. It swings slightly and the flame bounces merrily to and fro. There is still oil enough. I have prepared. I have done what I can. Though nothing I have done matches what was done for me. I lower the lamp and shift my stance slightly. It has been a long wait, though not as long as the walk that came before. Over mountains and across prairies and on paths bordered by wild grass have I traversed this long night. Now for some reason I do not tremble. I have been given food to eat that has upheld me body and soul. My last sandwich is in the pack and I do not plan on eating it. It is a sacramental reminder, turkey and swiss and mustard on good rye bread. Now I do not need it. A gull cries. I open my eyes and see a boat break upon my sight. The waves lap against it and I need no further call. I step into the water as my eyes begin to fill with tears one last time.
Lampstand
She rose from her chair and walked to the window, trembling. The rain still pattered down upon the sill yet the thunder had long ago ceased its grumbling. The sky had begun to lighten. He had promised, he had said he’d be there before the end. But that was hours ago now. Her phone was silent and still. She turned her back on the window and went over to the coffee table and lit the candle. The room was clean of course, though she still let her eyes dart to all the corners to verify for the seventeenth time. Why did it matter though? She did not know how this conversation would go, this face to face. She sometimes stumbled with her words and he always seemed so confident. Perhaps this time her words would be clear and her face would be calm. Perhaps this time she would know what to say in the moment. But what would he say? Would he approach in humility and purpose? Or would he come full of himself and hollow of all else? Her insides writhed and she sat down on the edge of the sofa. She didn’t know what she wanted. She looked over at her phone on the chair. It had lit up. She couldn’t see from that angle if it was him. She rose slowly to her feet and swallowed once. Then outside footsteps and his profile at the window as he passed. There were flowers in his hand.
Glimmers
Ah majesty! she sighs to herself and proceeds immediately to trip upon a loose rock in full sight of the rest of the tourists wandering about afore the castle. Well that will make me memorable at the very least. Thankful that no ankles had been sprained nor knees skinned, Emily gets up to her feet grateful that her pride had long ago rolled its eyes and withdrawn into some deep dark cave. She was a lost cause after all. A little bit of Irish dirt clung to her jeans but other than that, no damage done. And even the dirt was only a souvenir at the end of the day.
Now Emily walks off the path and onto the grass, approaching the edge of the cliff, the view that had caught her eyes moments before and so precipitously tossed her to the ground. There is something inherently majestic in the way the three realities collide. The solidity and gravity of the cliff and the ground under her feet sound forth in pompous solemnity. The whimsy and fanciful airs given by the sky and its train of clouds scurrying to and fro whistle jauntily in their place. And of course the sea. The wild angst and sheer power of the waves below her soar forth as strains of the violin, haunting in their beauty and aching in the rawness of their tears. So a symphony is born. The cliffs, the sky and the sea. All a part of something greater yet to be.
There is a sparkling in the air as the waves crash into the cliffs and throw up a spray into the sky and proclaims that this moment has arrived and that in its very temporal nature there is a beauty that signals the eternal of the divine. Emily doesn’t recognize all this in words, at least not in this very moment. Later she would write upon it in full, at least as much as her conscious mind can comprehend at a moment far removed. Yet now, though words escape her and only a silent exclamation hovers in front of her lips, Emily comprehends now more fully than she ever will again. The spirit within her resonates as if strummed by an invisible hand. And perhaps it has been. There is in this moment a knowledge that she has witnessed a creative act that is far beyond her. Emily stands at the edge of the cliff and whispers a prayer. It is good for her to be in this place and worship. It is good for her feet to stand upon this solid earth as she gazes upon the sky that stretches over her and the sea.
Tra-la-la
My thoughts burn within me and I wonder what that signifies. If I am but a faded construction of mis-matched cloth and paper and scraps of wood, isn’t it possible that a flame of a thought may be slightly hazardous to my health? Perhaps it would be safer if I kept my spirit cold, dashing bitter water on any thoughts that dare to peep of the far shore. Safer yes but perhaps not as wise. For safety is as safety does, yet wisdom speaks of what she knows and beckons for me to come closer now. I do not think I dare refuse her. This is why I seek for truth and beauty despite the slime and mire of the frantic shouting that is on all the screens we scroll. Might truth and beauty be one and the same? I think so now. This is perhaps a bit simplistic, even reductionistic one might say. But maybe we can acknowledge that truth is not truth if it does not have the air of the beautiful. The false prophet can well cloak their foulness but it will come out in the end. And is beauty truly beauty if it is all a lie? Remember Oscar Wilde’s tale. Ugliness will out in the end. There is a relationship there that I think the wise acknowledge. So please don’t feed me grime and gristle in my daily bread. I would rather eat plain fare and drink cold water and rejoice in the fact that I am growing closer in likeness to the original that I was cast after. I follow now on pilgrimage, plodding yes but plodding true. The dirt rises up in my steps and I refuse the side-paths even though they do have such winsome signage. Neon and steel may once have caught my fancy but I daresay I know better now. I’ve fallen on the way and yes you’ll see mud marked down my left side. I have a scar or two on my face and I cannot deny the grey that is in my hair. Still yet? I have a dream that fills my soul and a word that burns within me. I press on for that greater prize and my eyes water as I think on heaven’s gate and the man that will be there to offer me a greeting. I cannot wait to ascend the hill and hail the master. Soon, my friends, soon. For now though, the path winds on and ever on. And there is even beauty on the way.
Panhandle
To create is to breathe is to let loose a thought a prayer into the winds of time.
I pray now and ask for such grace as might be given one who longs to pen words that point to farther glories and future songs. I pull up my small kayak to the shore and jump out, wetting my shorts in the process. I wade to the shore as I heave the kayak aside me. Do you see the sun setting over the wind-blown palms? It shall be dark soon, this I know. But for now, there is still light to see by. And enough light to even scribble a few words before their memory puffs away. Once written, the pages shall be kissed and sealed. I will then trudge up the dunes to approach the house that lays on the other side. Perhaps dinner shall be waiting, a simmering pot of tomato sauce perhaps, scents of oregano and parsley when I open up the kitchen door. For now though, in the last glimmerings of summer’s sun, I pen what my muse whispers in my ear and I wonder if the words tomorrow will look as good as they sound now. Who can say, who can say. I’ll let future me be the judge. For now, I breathe deep of wood-smoke and smile in repose. If one looked at me now, they’d see green eyes shimmering in the light of heaven’s touch. I have no other longing this night than what I whisper now under my breath. There are some myths that are true, do you know?
Bricklayer
The ocean sings to me this night. I sit on the porch and watch the moonlight play over the face of the waters. The waves bob and swell and crash unceasing. Their music is soothing my pain. I reach to the side and pick up the glass from the table and take a sip. The cold liquid feels good going down my throat and I am grateful for small blessings. I lean back in my chair, pulling up my legs and curling into a smaller ball. I pull my hoodie up and feel a bit like a bird fluffing its feathers in preparation for the storm to come. But no storm here. Not yet. I take another sip of the drink beside me. Perhaps I shall read just a few minutes out here after all. The light of the moon is enough to read by, I think. Beautiful words tripping across the page will be good for my soul. The song of the sea in my ears and I feel an aching longing in my soul. Perhaps tonight I will feel peace. Perhaps tonight I shall feel that love as I dwell on that for which my heart longs. I think I hear the call of the heavens. Or is that only the far away cry of a bird wheeling across the face of the moon?
Creation
I strive to be self sufficient in all things. But even to strive is to immediately admit defeat. Which I do. Cheerily of course. Does one rightly understand the playing field stretching out before us and see the lines marked in white? I turn away from this construction and turn my eyes to the west. There is a path that goes through the trees there and though I’m not quite sure of all the bends and dips, I do know that it ends up at the sea. I follow it and leave behind the clamorous braying of the faceless nameless horde. Perhaps I will meet a companion on the path, I know not. But if so, I will take her by the hand and we will talk of that which we see upon the way and at even-time we shall sit down underneath a gently leafing tree and pull out our supplies and feast a hearty dinner in that good fresh air. I’ll offer her an apple and she’ll give me a few of her carrots and we’ll both feast on sandwiches until our hunger has been whittled down. And then perhaps we’ll lean against the trunk of that same tree and talk of higher realities and the stars that glimmer above and the angels that we know have watched over us since we lay cosy in our mother’s wombs. Then perhaps a silence falls and we shall in our separate ponderings think on what is yet to come. There is something solid in considering the life that has been lived and the life that is yet to come. She may drop a line or two of poetry that bares her heart and in response I’ll bare mine. We are on the pilgrim road and it is good to feel the breeze that whispers through the boughs above. Soon we shall raise our heads and sniff and know the sea is nigh. Soon morning comes.
Harp Song
Silver water slides underneath the bridge and I feel an urgent desire to shed my shirt and shoes and jump right in. Usually I can push off mad thoughts such as this but not this time. Off comes my shirt and off come my shoes and I climb over the railing and balance on the lip of the bridge. I stretch my back and legs and then push slowly up once as I hold on loosely to the rail behind. The sun beats hot upon my head and I feel the sweat begin to trickle down my neck. The swift water below looks absolutely delicious. I once more slowly press down upon the bridge with my toes and then I force myself past the point of no return and off I leap. The water rushes toward me as my stomach leaps in protest as I have a half second to wonder if I’ve perhaps made a mistake. Never mind! My feet hit the water and my flailing arms and head soon follow. Ah I am cool and I am washed and oh boy is it cold! I immediately splutter to the surface even as I feel the water rush me onwards. I let it. I’m floating backwards and can’t quite see where I’m going but I know the river runs straight for a good half mile at least and I’m not overly concerned of stray rowboats. So I lie back and let the waters carry me on as I feel the sun smile down upon me. Its warmth feels good now. I am a part of the river and the river is a part of me and together we in unison dance with the sky above and the breeze that leaps between. It is a good dance, a rollicking affair. I am not at all mad about my choice, no matter what Madeleine may say later on. Up on that bridge I was a remote observer, standing upon concrete and mind elsewhere. Now? I am living true as the river carries me on. My mind is in the moment and present and oh so focused on the fact that I am in this river and I am breathing fresh air and I feel cold and hot at the same time and it is glorious and I hear creation’s song.
Adventure
The light fades in the western sky. I would love to see the stars this night but I know it is rather unlikely. Instead, I shall set my back against the sun-warmed rock and pull out my notebook and attempt to scribble something worthy of what I have seen this day. My whole life I have longed to witness the grand and beautiful and be a part of something bigger and greater than myself. I have longed to be living a story that could properly be called epic.
Yet as any seasoned reader knows, it’s a perilous thing to wish to live in the stories that so often thrill us. The highs are high yes. But oh the lows. The pain and the anxiety, the heart pounding in your throat and the bile rising as you fear you’ll lose all you ate that day. I do rather wish now to go back to my little town and enjoy a quiet evening by the fireside.
I saw death today. It’s the first time I’ve seen it up close in the raw and wild. And it was a friend. I will talk of her later, I don’t think I can bear to think further on her now. We started this quest together in joyous abandon, sure that it was our destiny and what had been writ for us in the stars. Now a bare few weeks into our adventuring, she is gone and I remain and there are no stars this night.
Something Weird 