Tag: nostalgia

Leave Falling All Around Now

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Hello friends! A Saturday afternoon post from the coffeeshop! I have very sadly used most of my coffeeshop time here looking through old pictures and not writing at all, even though that was my express purpose for walking here. Alas. But now I’m not sure if I really feel like writing anything at all, as sad as that sounds. So…maybe I’ll just ramble on about my day and maybe some inspiration will come?

It’s been a good day, I suppose. A busy one. Early morning discipleship group then back home for a few hours. Dani and Joy are off at the beach now, so I decided I must be productive with the time alone so what did I do? Well, some errands, grocery shopping, etc. Figured I’d make a roast chicken for dinner tonight, as it’s not Dani’s favourite and since she isn’t here well…I can have it all to myself! A nice roast chicken with potatoes, carrots and onions. Can a dinner get much better? I submit that it cannot. Anyways, got the goods to make that, then came back home and did some housecleaning chores. Decided after that while I could just sit at home and attempt to write, why not walk on down to coffeeshop and attempt some writing there? Well, a valiant idea, to be sure. Alas, I got down here and ended up going through old pictures with the idea of printing out some of my favs from the last few years. It was a good exercise though as one can guess, looking at old pictures sure does stir up the memories, hm? Looking at pictures from 2021-2024…what a stretch. It made me sad in some spots and then ever so happy in others, as is…expected, I suppose? I shan’t talk more about that now.

What now? Well my coffee is cold and I really should go home and get dinner started sometime soon. But I am a bit sad I didn’t write anything creative. At least I got this little update post written? That’s something. That’s something. Be well, dear friends. Peace and love.

Nostalgia Met

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She picked up the stack of pictures from the end table and flipped through them. Most get a cursory glance. But for a few of them, she paused and gazed steadily into the faded eyes that look up into hers. These pictures that live outside of memory and screen – what stories do they tell? Is it really a land that time forgot, a lost realm that belongs only to the dreams of those aged few? There is one picture in particular, a candid shot of a group of friends in front of a lake. Storm clouds crowd the frame and the three youths glow with the vibrancy that seems self-evident in the moment captured. One boy laughs as he half raises his hand in jest while the other looks away across the water. The solitary girl gazes at the lens and squints, mouth half open as she wonders if the button has been pressed. The moment lost in the past and now lost in the present as it is shuffled to the back of the deck and the women sat down on the edge of the chair. She wondered what she was thinking then. Those clear eyes and that unfiltered invitation. Why was her hope then so much smaller than her dreams? She closed her eyes and touched her brow. There were wrinkles there that marked her prayers. And in her dreams now she heard the piano playing the melody she ached to hear.

Over the Shoulder

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Hello friends! It’s throwback time – I’m currently writing from my old Starbucks from years of yore. A bit of a pilgrimage this morning…these past few weeks I’ve been going through some of my old journal entries and currently in 2017-era. And apparently at that time, I frequented this Starbucks all the time! So this morning, with Dani off on her own adventure, I thought why not? Why shouldn’t I visit my old Starbucks and enjoy some good writing time just like I used to so many times before? So here I am, sitting and sipping my black coffee and looking around me as I do so. It’s odd indeed, being here some nine years later and…well yes, it’s Starbucks so it hasn’t changed that much. Yet the sad thing is all the people I used to know are gone! No more barista friends, alas. But I sit here and smile as I think of friends of old and the many good conversations that were had. Ah how thankful I am for God blessing me so throughout the years. I am beyond blessed – of that there can be no doubt.

Also I am amused reading all my entries from back in the day…I did a much better job of chronicling my life – that is for certain! Back then I actually wrote about what I did and where I went and who I hung out with. Nowadays? Well…I suppose my entries have gradually become more opaque – likely a result of growing older and moving away from the public sharing of the facebook era. I do now and again write a newsy post and I’m actually working on being better about that – sharing my life and praising God for what he is doing in it. But the majority of my posts these days tend to be book reviews or quotes from books or random creative flow. My creative output – whether it be poetry or prose – is precious to me and I love it so and I’m so thankful for that gift…yet I do realise it’s not as accessible to others. I know what I’m saying and what lies on my heart! Yet others don’t quite have the same understanding of my heart and so my writing is at a bit of a remove. I’m ok with that, I think. What does it mean that my writing of late is less transparent? I suppose it simply shows that while I still love to write – ah so much word vomit! – I won’t always explain myself clearly in such. That has always been the case to some degree. Even in the early days of my journal career, poems were dropped from the sky without a guide in sight. Now I suppose it’s just that the majority of my writing tends to be the random creative output. Also I have less time now than I once did. Hence…when I do get a chance to write, a few creative lines strain to escape and I gratefully take the opportunity to release them into the wild. It is good for my soul.

All that being said? I have been far too random this morning and not entirely sure what the point of all the above is! Still, I shall let it stand. I’m so grateful for this morning. And thankful that God has given me both the ability and the desire to write. The quality may be questionable at times, yet still I do love the process. Those of you who read what I write, thanks for putting up with me. That last came with a half-smile and a raise of the eyebrow. Remind me to give you a hug next time I see you.

Reading Between the Lines of Autumnal Tendencies

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Hello friends! Been a bit too long since I’ve written…and I honestly don’t even feel much like writing now, but I suppose I should at least attempt to write something. I’m sitting here at Starbucks – not for long though as it is sunny and delightfully cool outside and I shall not waste that – and sipping on my coffee…and yeah, guess I can write a few words! I’m listening to a preliminary mix of a CD I hope to be completed sometime in the next few weeks. It’s not there yet, alas. Alas. Speaking of mixes though – why don’t I share one I made earlier this year? This must have been sometime in…July? August? I actually knocked out 3 mixes in short succession and I don’t exactly remember which I made when – and I’m not going to share all three today! But going alphabetically because why not? This one came about shortly after my Colorado trip with Robbie in which fantastic and memorable times were had. On Sunday of that trip, we had a hiking day in which we drove outside of Denver some ways, found a cool path and hiked up and back. It was beautiful and so different than the Houston I’m usually in. But as we drove there and back, we listened to the music on Robbie’s Spotify – and I realised he had some most excellent dance tunes! By dance tunes (this time), I mean more modern dance/pop music…music that’s fun to listen to, even if the content is a bit lightweight! But hey – great road trip music. And so when I returned from Colorado, decided I needed to memorialize the trip by making a mix using Robbie’s music. I messed with the flow a bit…but the content is pretty much straight Robbie. Thanks man. So now – for a fun, frothy mix…I humbly present Denver 2AM:

1. The Ocean – Mike Perry feat. Shy Martin
2. Summer Air – ItaloBrothers
3. Don’t Let Me Down – The Chainsmokers feat. Daya
4. Paper Planes – M.I.A.
5. Heroes (we could be) – Alesso feat. Tove Lo
6. Alone – Marshmello
7. False Alarm – Matoma & Becky Hill
8. Havana – Camila Cabello feat. Young Thug
9. Closer – The Chainsmokers feat. Halsey
10. Faded – Alan Walker
11. Habits (Stay High) (Hippie Sabotage Remix) – Tove Lo
12. Baba Yetu (Deep Radio Edit) – Supanova
13. Tilbake (Saevik Remix) – David André Østby feat. Marie Hognestad
14. S.O.S. – Indila
15. Sugar – Robin Schulz feat. Francesco Yates
16. So Good – LZ7
17. Runaway (U & I) – Galantis
18. Reload (Vocal Version/Radio Edit) – Sebastian Ingrosso & Tommy Trash & John Martin
19. Don’t Wanna Wake Up – Capital Kings
20. Tidal Wave – Sub Focus feat. Alpines
21. Headlines – Robin Schulz feat. Ilsey

So there you go! A bit more words shall I put to page? John (Dixon! From Scotland!!) was here this past week and it was glorious. I shan’t write about all we did(honestly, we didn’t do that much! But definitely enjoyed taking him to a Dynamo game – my first too! Good times were had wandering around Houston in the grey and the rain and the cold…he picked the wrong week to come to Houston for sun and warmth that’s for sure!)…for truly the best part was just being with him again and having quiet moments talking and being together. Sitting on the couch one evening, watching the baseball(World Series – Dodgers v. Red Sox – ugh) and talking about random life thoughts. Or down the street at Christian’s, enjoying a burger, half-watching the Rockets game (but not really) and again just chatting about our past, our future, our hopes, our dreams. You know. All that good stuff. I think one night, I was texting Julie about something and once she found out I was with John – she asked, “Why are you chatting with me when your friend is there!?!” And I thought about it and see that we’re chilling in the living room, half on our phones, half paying attention to whatever was on TV and then making random comments to each other now and again and realised…this just feels like being flatmates in Aberdeen again. A normal evening together. And so having that experience this past week was…quite nice. I treasure the friendship I have with John dearly and I thank my God for that. And I pray that God continues to bless John in all things!! To Him be the glory throughout, now and forever.

Now, before I spiral off into further flights of emotion, I shall take my leave. It really is a good time to get out of this dim coffeeshop and into the glorious light.

All Things New

James HoganLeave a comment

Happy Tuesday, friends!! A couple words here as I sip on my coffee before my day gets started in earnest. Firstly – after writing my poem last week(entry previous), I really am quite in a writing mood of late…so don’t be surprised if I post more random writings here and there. That is the hope and goal! Secondly…had a fun time yesterday at Bingo Night at Karbach with various friends. Good times, even though it was a Monday which is most assuredly not a normal going out night!! Still, much fun was had, much fish and chips was consumed, Peter won the grand prize(a snazzy cooler!) and many good conversations were had. This must become a thing, I so declare. Thirdly…I wasn’t sure if I was going to write about this or not, but I’ve been reminiscing lately – thinking on the fact that three years ago(way back in 2015!) was the summer of Kat. Not sure if I actually wrote about her here in plain terms…veiled allusions most likely. Nonetheless, was thinking about that summer of conversation and friendship we had(indeed – I just looked it up now – and it was actually July 24th, 2015 that was the day I flew up to Maryland to see her!!)…and pondering on the sun-soaked memories and dazzling wonder of those days…and though obviously nothing came from that, to my sorrow, I yet think on what God has given me and I cannot help but rejoice evermore, ever still. Forever and always, remember the love of the Lord. Remember that we are forgiven – everything. I remember that I am a child of God.

A Shocking Midnight Sun

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On my drive in to work this morning, began listening to an album I’ve not heard in quite some time…Mumford’s Sigh No More.  I forgot how amazing it is!!  Definitely made me a bit nostalgic for where I first heard it – back in my Aberdeen days.  I cast my mind back and remember listening to it as I drove from Aberdeen to Porthlethen with the sun rising over the sea.  But as for today…how quickly does music stir the emotions – and Mumford’s songs are just so raw and beautiful, soaked in passion and pain, longing and rage.  It most assuredly gives me the desire to write, but alas I have not the time.  Only the heart.

The Grave Is No Bar To My Call

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Last night the thunder rumbled deep and the lightnings frequently pulsed throughout the sky and although the rain did drop but softly, the night was not quiet.  And so despite the fact that it would have been glorious to have a good night’s sleep, I am sad to report that it was not so.  And thus I am most sleepy this morning.  But I still cannot complain, for the storm heralded the cold front which has now swept through and although 58 degrees isn’t particularly cold, I will take what I can get in April in Houston.  And today as I sleepily traversed the concrete river that is I10 into work, I pondered on the fact that back in Aberdeen days, I used to be able to commute with the countryside on my right side and the North Sea on my left…oh how I do miss the beauty of those days!  Alas it is not quite as pretty driving through the heart of Houston.  Yet this morning my heart was soothed with the music from the inimitable Seaspray and I reflected on the fact that my God assuredly has His hand upon me this day.  Now and forever.  And after I had a fun coffee chat with Jacqui over in my old building, I walked back over to my office and relished the chill air of the morning and gazed at the slowly lightening pre-dawn sky, blue striated with iron-grey clouds and holding the promise of far more than the eye can see.  Just as surely as in my Genesis reading today when Abram was told to go forth and he did and was promised many wonderful things…so I know my path is laid before me and my future is certainly beautiful.  Peace and love, my friends.  Now and forever. 

Ashes

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And another Tuesday rears its head.  I have a few minutes in which to write, so write I shall!  This morning a tragedy befell me.  After a long and happy life, my cafetiere(or french press, if you want to use the coarse wording…) finally died the final death.  The crack that has been worrying it for some time finally finished propogating all the way around the glass and so when I began to try and pour my coffee into the mug…let’s just say quite a bit of coffee went in a direction other than the mug as well.  But this cafetiere has had a long and full life since I bought it in…2011 I think?  I still remember being shamed by Pastor Dominic back then when he found out I drank instant coffee!!  A rough paraphrase of his words, “James – my estimation of you has somewhat lowered hearing that.”  Thereupon I immediately went to John Lewis and bought this gorgeous little cafetiere and indeed it has served me well.  Now…I’ve written far too many words memorializing this coffee-making device and so I shall end with the happy news that because I am silly, I actually bought a back-up cafetiere from JL when I was in Aberdeen back a year and a half ago now.  So…now I’m excited to put that one into service!  May it last seven years as well.

And I suppose I should also log my latest read, which again – should not surprise you if you’ve been following my chronicles:

9.  The Life and Diary of David Brainerd edited by Jonathan Edwards.  Yesterday as the weather was still somewhat nice( Houston is heating up drastically though and I am sad!), I walked down to EQ and finished up this book on the porch, basking in the sunlight and the gentle breeze.  But better than those external factors…finishing up this book chronicling the life of a man who loved God and longed for His glory.  Oh how I wish I could make every one of you read this, but truly – what a wonderfully convicting and heartening work.  I looked it up on amazon just now and the version I read is only $13.58 and it is worth every cent.  So…buy it please.  And read.  I don’t remember this book affecting me quite as much the last time I read this, but I suppose I am in a different place now(emotionally, spiritually, geographically, whatev – ) and thus I should not be surprised at the change.  But I can now say with confidence this is surely in the top three of my all-time favourite biographical/autobiographical works.  I am a history nerd, I know…so partly the reason I love it so is the window into 18th century American Christianity, of course.  And I am a theological nerd(surprised?) and so reading the doctrinal thoughts and convictions of Brainerd(along with the notes by J. Edwards!  Brainerd actually died in the home of Edwards, so Edwards has quite a few first-hand comments regarding Brainerd and his circumstances) is supremely fascinating.  But…the reason I love this book the most is because it is a glimpse into the mind and heart of a man who loved God passionately and desparately.  And this book is the story of a man who poured himself out to the utmost, even to death.  All for the glory of God.  And so my heart cries for similar passion and love.  May I live such.  I am nowhere close.  But may I strive and may I cry.  If only I could live in such a humble, broken manner.  All for the love of my God.  

Fluffy

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And so I return to this posting apparatus, though not as quickly as I thought when I wrote last post. It is now Thanksgiving Eve and I sit with my mug of coffee here, about to do some more reading…but thought I should continue my chronicle first, while it is still fresh in my mind! I must say as I type this, I am much enjoying the Tampa home keyboard…it is very mechanically responsive and fun to type on. Much more bouncy than my laptop keyboard, I approve. This may or may not contribute to my being even more verbose than usual…apologies in advance.

Anyways! I think I ended my last post talking about game night with Laura and Caisson and friends and getting to bed far too late. Thankfully the next morning we were able to sleep in a little…had some coffee together, then we went out to get breakfast(/brunch?) at one of their favorite breakfast spots – a diner that had definitely not been around when I was in Gainesville! Actually…this was a running theme throughout my time in Gainesville…so much had changed since my residency there, even though it’s been less than nine years. Whole new roads had appeared and new shopping centers and other things have replaced woods and fields(my favorite open field at corner of University and 13th is now a shining uber-modern apartment complex – the horror!). Progress(in shape of concrete and steel) marches on unimpeded by more poetic concerns…

Pardon that interlude – but onward! We had a lovely time eating breakfast(I had a delicious breakfast pie with eggs and cheeses and meats and it was wonderful alongside the good strong coffee) and of course talking. We had so much good talking times throughout this trip that I shall soon neglect to mention them, but just know they happened because Laura and Caisson are truly both so dear. Following breakfast, I’m trying to remember what we did next…if I recall correctly, it was a trip to campus! We spent a few hours wandering the gameday-crowded campus, seeing old spots(the Bunker at Graham! the new-(and improved??) Union! the Florida bookstore – I think we spent the most time there perusing random books!) and eventually ending up at Pascal’s Coffeehouse. Oh Pascal’s – truly the holder of so many memories. I even have an old adolescent lit story I wrote back in ’09 where this coffeehouse was featured prominently. And I am actually wearing one of their shirts as I write this now, randomly! Anyways – it was great fun being there again, walking past the table where Laura remembered first getting a text from Caisson, peeking into the room where so many good Creekside College Ministry Wednesday night meetings were held…and eventually, we got some drinks(a hybrid London-fog/peppermint mocha for me!) and ended up talking there for a while, the three of us. Expounding on the power of poetry and the characteristics it should contain. Caisson has a good “Three Laws of Poetry” summary that I really need to heed when I’m writing. I have discovered that I’m not really that good in presenting a clear and easily understandable theme to my audience in my works. I may know what’s there, but the readers most definitely do not always understand what I’m getting at! But I shall not attempt to summarize our whole conversation here.

Eventually, it was time to part ways…for I had told Laura and Caisson that I had wanted to spend a few hours by myself. These hours that I spent wandering campus…I don’t know if I can fully and properly put them to page here as it is something maybe best left to my heart and soul alone. But I had long desired to undertake what I have now called a pilgrimage back to the lands of my youth. And so I did walk through campus, stopping at the sites of so many hallowed memories. At each spot I was able to sit and reflect and think and meditate and pray on what God has done in me and for me and through me these past years. And as I brought back many memories…some bitter and some sweet…I could not help but thank my Father God for holding me fast throughout every dark night and every raging storm. I was able to write various things in my little notebook throughout this pilgrimage and while I shan’t reproduce them all here(partly because they’re very crude and quickly written and not at all amenable to proper editing and partly because I want the majority to remain truly personal), I will put down one…

Lake Alice
gleams prettily
in glow
of setting sun –
its quiet beauty
thrills my soul.
A heron rests
atop the stillness.
I shiver
at the
crickets’ song.

That is the least emotional(and/or personal) so I think it’s ok for sharing here!

Now eventually I realized that even over two hours of walking around by myself was not sufficient for my purposes…but I knew I must return to Laura and Caisson’s place for dinner! Laura came and picked me up and after a quick detour to Target(where asparagus and…er…the long desired new Taylor album reputation were acquired), we returned to the apartment. Caisson was in the middle of crafting a delicious Guinness-beef stew..full of beef and carrots and onions and parsnips and other savoury ingredients. This was poured over mashed potatoes and it was definitely a proper and hearty dinner! After we enjoyed that, we eventually decided a quiet movie night was in order. It may have taken us a while to decide on a movie, but eventually we did settle on an old classic I’d never seen before…10 Things I Hate About You and it was much enjoyed – full of classic Shakespeare references and fun 90s nostalgia! I do so love fun high school movies from my era and this is a well-deserved classic…Heather Ledger and Julia Stiles..simply perfect.

Now…this entry is far too long and I’ve decided to end it for the now. Going to go off with my coffee and have more reading time. Also listening to some classic hymns(And Can It Be currently playing) and I just can’t focus on writing anymore. Peace and love.

Blast

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I have to say, it is a bit silly how much the weather affects my mood! And I’m weird, because the weather today probably didn’t positively affect anyone else the way it did me. As I drove home today I gloried in the ever-changing grey sky…and then walking to my car after shopping at Sprouts, realised why I was so pleased with the weather. It was cold, grey and there was a hint of precipitation on the breeze. In other words…Aberdeen weather. So yes, grey and cold and wet makes me nostalgic and makes me happy all at the same time and it is wonderful. I don’t know what it is about a darkening grey November sky though…there’s something faintly sad yet achingly beautiful about it. The trees are just starting to threaten to drop their leaves and the breeze softly caresses my face and my blood quickens. Beauty and wonder and love, all wrapped up in a crisp fall day. Oh how silly am I to revel so in this quiet grey evening. But I do love it so.