Writing a few words this warm grey day even though in the moment I fear anything I write will be without weight. For my mind flutters here and there, just as that butterfly about to alight from that rain sodden bough in search of a sweeter blossom. In earnest I seek truth that is just now peeking from beyond the horizon yet I wonder if I will have the eyes to see. For too often are my eyes blinded by the lights of nearer storefronts and the phones held aloft by those who flowing walk in syncopated patterns down this cobbled street. Maybe I just need to get outside this city and abandon all that I once held dear. Perhaps I just need to cry aloud to the God my fathers knew. For all I know the truth that will bring me nigh to heaven is written down in this leather bound book that I cannot help but still cling to. Have you ever heard a line in a movie or read a stanza in a poem that when it hits your mind it does more and penetrates your very soul? Some say they feel the goosebumps on their arms or some say they feel their hands tremble. For me I feel the water start to rise in the corners of my eyes and if I speak my voice cracks under the weight of that allusion to ancient myth. Somehow true and yet I question.
Tag: musing
Monologue
Isn’t it glorious to let your words run away with themselves and craft a tale of which even you aren’t certain of the denouement? Far too often do I do this I confess to the surprise of no one whatsoever. Once in a while – even under that proverbial blue moon – I actually have a plan and execute or at least more or less. Yet that is rare and often it is only because I’m composing as I’m driving down the roadside and alas have no time to stop and pen my lines. Thus it turns out that I allow myself the severe mercy of crafting a through line in my head before all the little lovely turns of phrase and details get put down. Then I know where I’m going and there I know where I must end. But even that is fine for the best parts are those lines that crop up like Athena full formed and sing so sweetly that their harmonies are the only ones that get commented on by those who read. Ah for the graces to be bestowed more liberally that I might more often produce some such that even I dare marvel at from whence it came. Yet can I take credit – of certain not – for I know my origin and that I’m yet created so my so-called creation can only be attributed to the greater composer who writes all tunes. Still yet that means an earthen vessel can be gazed upon and recognized as something beautiful in and of itself even if the potter is not at that time credited. True? I wonder yes I wonder and am in humble awe that once in a great while my pen scribbles something almost great. I am not worthy no not worthy I to my God proclaim. For now I sit upon this couch and lean back against the pillow and with the fevered intensity that comes with blazing dreams of glory say – fall back and sit and sigh and rest and take in the little moments of beauty that once upon a time fall upon your eyes. Slow down and realize that these moments that point to greater glory are all around us yes even now look for the cracks in this world that point to eternity and cry for dreams of glory that beg us to consider from whence they come.
Last Train from the Northern Isles
Flowers upon the table and a song upon the lips. What shall I say now when I see you looking at me? How did it come to this? Across the room our eyes slowly lock and in that meeting there is a communion deeper than words can tell. For sure there is a history there but also a future that is so richly signified by this moment in which we linger now. I wonder if you see the colours in the flowers and recognize in them the vibrancy that sings of life. I think you do for I still remember when you saw them the sparkles in your eyes. And so of course it happens that our words tangle a bit now and then as words are wont to do. Yet still at the end we pull the threads by opposite ends and tell each other exactly the signification of what we were meaning to. Do you see the candles flickering even now? I walk to the kitchen and stir the bolognese and add just a bit more salt. Almost ready I say to you and I lean around the corner and we share a smile. Here’s to the moments passing that tick on the clock that it cannot quite memorialize. So instead I sit here and write and hope to God that he holds us close even as we look to the western skies. At some points it’s true that our lights will waver and we will dance once more across the kitchen floor. When that happens please do me a favor and remind me of the truths that I so often write in prose. Here it comes and there it withers, so quick does the summertime grass grow. For once I hold my tongue and let the stanzas whirl through the violet twilight and in the moment still I hold my breath. This life I scorn as I look to the promise of what it means to be newborn and I shiver as I await my rest.
What is Not to Love?
Hello friends – happy Saturday!! I am posting at a later time than usual this Saturday…and a not-normal place. Currently sitting on my couch as I enjoy my raspberry/banana/spinach smoothie…most notably not at Starbucks, shocker! But I’ll explain why in a bit. It’s been a beautiful Saturday so far…starting off with sleeping in until 6, which was much enjoyed(and much needed). It’s been a long week, with work just being crazy busy and moderately stressful and most tiring all the way around. So last night was an enjoyable relaxing evening. Dinner of fish and potatoes followed by reading…started reading John Owen Vol 3 – “The Holy Spirit”. It may take me a year to read it but it will be glorious. Over six hundred pages of very small words…in sentences that are not easy to understand. But oh so worth it and oh so beneficial and encouraging to my soul. Thus continues my lifetime quest to read all of John Owen.
Anyways! This morning as said previously, woke up at 6, enjoyed a nice coffee and reading time here at the flat. Then went down to Black Walnut for a nice breakfast with Julie! We haven’t had time to get together in quite some time…so as I enjoyed my salmon eggs benedict and honey-sweetened coffee, we had much good chat(and at least on my side – I was much encouraged!!). Oh what a sweet friend is she. Following that, went to Men’s Wearhouse to get fitted for my suit for Julian’s wedding(which is in January and I can’t wait! Kelsey and him are perfect together – such a God-honouring couple. Truly glorious shall this wedding be!). After that, did a few other errands…then stopped at Starbucks where I truly meant to sit down and get some writing done. I got distracted by Katie who had just got off her shift and was having lunch before preparing to study for some of her classes. We ended up talking for over an hour about sundry topics…a totally unplanned conversation that was very enjoyable nonetheless! I do so love talking with someone that loves God and seeks to honour Him in all things. Very thankful to God for this random talk that He blessed me with!!
Following chat with Katie, I realized it was past lunchtime and I still needed to do my food shopping. No time to stay at Starbucks and write alas! So left Starbucks and went and did my HEB/Trader Joe’s run and finally made it home…talked with John and Camille for a bit before they ran off and I sort of enjoyed some leftover soup that needed to be eaten.
Now…I’m sitting here on the couch, half-watching the Michigan State/Indiana game(incredibly boring 3-3 game at the moment…) while I write this entry. This is a bit of rambling entry, but it’s been a while(I think?) since I’ve done one of these, so I will indulge myself. Soon I shall be off to Starbucks(yes, again!) to meet up with Earnie and Julian. It will be a sweet time of fellowship with dearest friends, of that I have no doubt. And because I really have nothing else to write…I guess I’ll sign off? Oh! I do have a poem that I need to finish and post at some point, but don’t think I have the muse at the moment. It’s the kind of poem that needs to be written at early-weekday-morning time…with the melancholy that can only come from brooding at work in the early dark. So – maybe next week you’ll get to see that.
Oh one more thing. Pizza Hut commercial just came on. I cannot wait until I can eat that again. It will be BEST NIGHT EVER.
Now I really shall end this. Peace out!
Lanterns in the Sky
Happy Friday, friends!! I really have nothing to say – it’s the end of a fairly productive week here at work and I’m happy that it’s almost time for a restful(I hope!?) weekend. We shall see!! But for now, I will thank my God for all He has granted me…even for this peppermint mocha that I am drinking now! May I always remember the faithfulness of my God. As He has loved me, so may I love others. As He has been patient with me…so may I be patient in waiting for that which I desire. Now as I ponder and think on various matters, I am at peace. My hope is in something far better than the things of this world. My hope is in something far more beautiful than anything of this earth. My heart craves the temporal vanity of this world too often. Yet eternity waits.
Expressly Yours
I’m listening to my Enfield playlist as I sit here in Starbucks and I have to say – I forgot how amazing these songs are!!! Oh how I love so many of these classic hymns. There is a Fountain, And Can It Be?, Jesus I My Cross Have Taken, O The Deep Deep Love of Jesus…etc, etc, etc. Gorgeousness. I’m tempted to write ALL THE VERSES from one of my very favourites – Jesus, I my Cross Have Taken…but I shall spare you this time. I’m pretty sure I’ve done that sometime in the past. And I’m pretty sure I will do it again sometime in the future.
It is good to remember the mercies of the Lord.
And while I’m in a pondering mood, thought I’d write some thoughts I was thinking last night. Was wearing one of my favourite shirts – a nice bright blue shirt with the words “HONOUR”, “LOYALTY”, “VALOUR” superimposed over a lion rampant. It’s interesting that these words are (apparently) held in such high esteem and I was wondering – what do those words really signify to people today? According to the Oxford English, honour means “high respect” or “great esteem” or “the quality of knowing and doing what is morally right”. In the same, loyalty means “the quality of being loyal” or “a strong feeling of support or allegiance”. As for valour…”great courage in the face of danger, especially battle”. Do those words truly mean anything to most of us these days though…or are they just empty concepts that make us feel better about ourselves? What do we have high respect or great esteem for? Or do we just crave that esteem for ourselves? What are we truly loyal to? Or whom? And when do we show great courage these days? Is it in day-to-day life or just in the contrived fantasies of our mind?
I think we like to think more highly of ourselves than we ought and it is self-flattering to think that we exhibit these qualities of honour, loyalty and valour in our everyday lives. But do we truly? Is there a higher calling that beckons us to live in such a way? I would say there is. But it is not in the way most would commonly think. We ought to live in such a way that every action of our life brings great honour and glory to our God. We ought to live in such a way that everything we do proves our loyalty and faithfulness to our God. And we ought to live our lives coloured by valour and courage in the face of trials and tribulations and all that stands against us as we strive to please our God. Do these things come easy? Of course not. And we are frail creatures and oft exhibit the opposite virtues…we feel shamed, unfaithful and craven as we disobey our God in thought, word and deed. But. But. If we truly put our faith in Christ for our salvation – God has saved us! Not because of deeds that we have done. But because of His great love.
And so because God loved us when we were so eminently unlovable and because our God has filled us with His Holy Spirit and because Christ daily intercedes for us before the Father…now we can exhibit these qualities of godly honour, godly loyalty and godly valour. Let us remember that. We can do all things through Christ who grants us strength. Go forth this day and honour God in all things. Go forth this day and seek to be loyal to God in every word you speak. Seek to live in valour before our God. For truly, He is our Lord. He is our God. And He loves us.
What a wondrous thing it is to be known by God. We are His dearly loved children. Amen and amen.
To The Shops
So I was planning on writing a long and interesting entry here today. Really!! I’m here at Starbucks for the first time in a while – just felt like getting out and about and being somewhat public in my coffee-drinking and computering – and I thought surely I’d then feel in the mood to write for a while. Sadly, that has not turned out to be the case. I have been (mildly) productive at least. Gotten a few correspondences written and just now written my shopping list – planning a dinner of baked cod and mashed potatoes tonight and it shall be glorious – this I declare!!
Any other news? I suppose I could ramble on and on about nothing in particular, but that doesn’t sound appealing at the moment. Just know that it is a quiet September morning here and although not all is as I would wish it, I trust in the Lord. Truly a lesson I need to be learning of late. Sometimes it seems I try to make things happen of my own volition and that…doesn’t always work. Yet it is also no good to simply sit back and “wait for God to work”. It’s a balance of having faith in my God that He is working…and also taking steps in faith, trusting God that He is working in and through me, each and every day. Oh that I would ponder on the mercies and glories of God more. The things of this world are pale and thin indeed when compared to the glories of knowing my God.
Remember that, always.
Peace, my friends – peace and love.
Cauldrons and Kernels
Ingredients: Four cans tomato sauce. Two cans stewed tomatoes. Two baby cans tomato paste. 1 can water. Small amount of sugar. Copious amounts of: celery salt, oregano, parsley, garlic powder, ground black pepper. Chopped: two green peppers, 1 white onion.
Directions: Cook until done
Addendum: Delicious amounts of spicy italian sausage(cooked, please)
Further directions: Blend all until…smooth?
Result: Delicious concoction?
I don’t know if I would go that far, but it is more tasty than many things I have eaten, this is for sure.
It was fun seeing Julie today for the first time in…weeks? We had a most wonderful chat. Driving in much Houston traffic constrained by many flooded roads was not as nice.
I also was somewhat productive in mailing a nice fat letter off to far away lands of St. Louis.
Also – my phone decided to rebel as it apparently does not want to celebrate its fourth birthday this month!! After literally hours of research and trial and error and some fun phone hacking, I think I have stomped out the rebellion. For now.
This is a bit of an odd format for an entry – I know!! I am in a bit of a spacey and meditative mood just now, methinks.
Following the closure of this post, I will begin evening reading time. (I have just finished David Copperfield – marvelously overwritten and I care not – the characters were so beautifully drawn, I was pulled speedily through the story!) I have just now(as of last night) begun The Yearling. A long treasured book that I have not read since I was a boy. So far – wonderful.
Now I truly shall bid you all adieu. It has been a long and strange week here in the rain-sodden land of Houston. God is sovereign and God is good. Always.
Love and peace, dear friends.
Standing at the Prow
So once again it is Friday morning…hello all!! I only have moments before I need to start work in earnest, but thought I’d write a few words -just because! I really meant to write something a bit more substantial about humility, contentedness, thankfulness and the wonders of God’s love for us, His children…but you will just have to imagine I did that now. I think I just wanted to say how sometimes it is quite easy for us to complain about our current state of affairs and wonder why God allows certain things to happen in our lives. So easy, right? Yet I realize that God is refining me, making me more like Him. And that is truly what I desire, is it not? I may wonder how much humility I really need – apparently much more than most people! – woe unto me for my pride. Yet I am grateful to my God for caring for me as a son – for disciplining me and keeping me humble before Him. Again – one thing do I long for – to be more like Christ and to honour my God in all that I do. It would be useful for me to think less of myself and more of my God. May I remember this. And may I be oh so thankful for the gift of eternal life that has been given to me, a sinner. Do I deserve such blessings? Surely not. Yet God of His own good pleasure deemed it good to bless me so. Oh wondrous joy – a vista of unending beauty is mine forever!
Now pardon this ill-structured paragraph…maybe later I shall write more. Maybe not. For now, my hand waves farewell. My heart calms. My soul is at peace.
Hello Again
Happy Sunday friends! I post yet again this extremely fruitful January! I must say, I’m not quite sure why I’ve been writing so much lately…in the words of Lin Manuel Miranda…”Why do you write like you’re running out of time?” I know not. But I do like writing, and maybe lately I have rediscovered the pleasure and comfort it brings to put thoughts and emotions to page such as this. Not of course, that I put everything on here…far be that from me! But right now, it is comforting to let the words flow from thought through fingers to screen. Would that I could write something a bit more…beautiful. But for now, I shall simply write. Before I started this, I’ve been in a bit of a nostalgic mood…looking at some old high school friend’s journals – which are still online, shock! Hi Maggie!! *waves* Anyways, nostalgia diving can be dangerous – indeed, dark and full of terrors and all that. But this afternoon, while I have the bitter feeling of friendships lost and far away…I still have the sweet taste of the memories I had with these friends. And that is something I have been blessed with that shall never leave me. Ah bittersweet. And of course, I am reminded as I sit here that it is not entirely profitable to focus over much on the past. Let these thoughts and memories not drag me far away and distract my energies from life now, in the present. It is a dangerous game – to turn inward to the extent of losing our true joy. Now, I start to wax philosophical. See, this is why I should not write as much as I am – I dare expose my thoughts to the light of day, and what shall they say? That I am a hollow man, full of loose dreams and ill-begotten schemes? Even so. I long for the day when I shall be in that far country. No longer be a-ranging in a stranger land. And so, to dream is not so wrong. Only wrong is it when these dreams are forged of rotten beams – cloying words, sickly sweet in all their pomposity and self-important grandeur. Hiding behind a veil of false humility, oh forgive me!
But let us dream of purer things, of that road that goes ever on. The scent of jasmine, that light breeze upon the cheek. The song that rings true upon the soul, a knowledge of the veil now torn. To dream is not so wrong.
