Hello, dear one. I write this now from the back of the wardrobe, hoping somehow it gets to you. You may wonder at the strange paper and perhaps what pen produces ink such as this. Well those are the lesser of the questions you should be asking. Firstly – how did it come to this? Bare three days ago we parted under the oak trees ringing the far field. I left you with a promise and you left me with a kiss. Do you remember the golden light that afternoon as the sun slowly bent down to the earth? In the moment it felt momentous and it felt as if the sun knew it too. And so she curtsied to us two and bathed us with the golden light from her beaming face. And through the rays I looked and saw a rainbow forming in the corners of your eyes. For yes even with my words you could not bring yourself to lie to me that you were happy and I don’t care I said. It’s ok my love to cry. Now I walk under stranger trees and stranger skies and I wonder if we’ll ever meet again. I write this in the hopes that your eyes will brush these papers with the dark fire that blazes forth when your emotions are roused. Please my love forgive me for my tardiness. I’ll forgive you your doubts. For now for certain this has gone far beyond the little matter that we thought it was those three days ago. Or was it four? I can’t be certain anymore. Still please pray for me. I need it, oh I need it. I wish I could say I’ll be with you tomorrow and that we could picnic on the porch. I’d delight to share a few sandwiches with you and some cold iced tea and perhaps a few strawberries. Yet I can’t think on that too much. My focus is demanded here, even writing this taxes me as I let my thoughts drift to kinder climes. Pray for me my love. Always yours.
Tag: love
Last Train from the Northern Isles
Flowers upon the table and a song upon the lips. What shall I say now when I see you looking at me? How did it come to this? Across the room our eyes slowly lock and in that meeting there is a communion deeper than words can tell. For sure there is a history there but also a future that is so richly signified by this moment in which we linger now. I wonder if you see the colours in the flowers and recognize in them the vibrancy that sings of life. I think you do for I still remember when you saw them the sparkles in your eyes. And so of course it happens that our words tangle a bit now and then as words are wont to do. Yet still at the end we pull the threads by opposite ends and tell each other exactly the signification of what we were meaning to. Do you see the candles flickering even now? I walk to the kitchen and stir the bolognese and add just a bit more salt. Almost ready I say to you and I lean around the corner and we share a smile. Here’s to the moments passing that tick on the clock that it cannot quite memorialize. So instead I sit here and write and hope to God that he holds us close even as we look to the western skies. At some points it’s true that our lights will waver and we will dance once more across the kitchen floor. When that happens please do me a favor and remind me of the truths that I so often write in prose. Here it comes and there it withers, so quick does the summertime grass grow. For once I hold my tongue and let the stanzas whirl through the violet twilight and in the moment still I hold my breath. This life I scorn as I look to the promise of what it means to be newborn and I shiver as I await my rest.
Let’s Talk
Do you hear the whispering around the corner or is it just me? She asked softly and eagerly with her eyes she hinted more. I knew not how to respond for it was one of those questions that didn’t really need an answer as you knew it was just a lead-in to a grander theme. But really, she said, isn’t it something how we all go through life as if this was just the beginning, an opening to a play that’s far grander than we could hope to do justice to? Or is it just me? Even those who carpe their diems and proudly proclaim their yolos seem to in an undertone admit that even so there is a faint whiff of dissatisfaction and that the meaning of life is not quite fulfilled. I hesitate to say all is vanity but do you not think that just about sums it up? I lean back and take a sip of my cold drink and let the luscious bitterness roll across my tongue and ponder the truths of what she’s just said. Or are they truths? Or perhaps just grand philosophical statements of the unexplained phenomena that the firing neurons in our brains frantically seek to connect in the patterns that we love to caress once they are defined and neatly boxed? I think sometimes the latter yet she speaks with such fervent adoration for the mystery that she almost understands. I for one cannot understand her fire yet I cannot doubt there is a fire there. So that is the question. From where does that spark come? And is it an eternal predestined flame or is it just a random outshoot of the conflagration of the universe in all its infinite randomness that must in its ways produce a moment such as this? And she as she sips her drink peers back at me, understanding the moment demands a silence and a question as that demands a pondering. What shall I say? I do know that there is something beyond the veil but sometimes I wish someone would tear it down and tell me that all is done and dusted and that here you go – the truth of it all is plain to see. I startle as I realize I have said this aloud. So yes she said slowly, the beautiful real smile dawning upon her face. You do hear the whispering. And you are more fortunate than you know, for your wish? Granted. We cannot see with eyes now but still yet there were some that have. That veil has been torn down and that true answer granted. All in one it was done and now all eternity lies bare to see. No, I say, in sudden realization. You tricked me. And here I thought it was an innocent philosophical digression. Is there ever really such a thing she mused. If you play at seeking answers you do indeed run the real risk of facing truth. Simply taste and see. Look at the words that were written. I choked in fear. Dare I go on another step. If so I may be caught and unable to escape. Or perhaps it was already too late. Those words that were written. They were written in blood, were they not? Veritably, she replied. Blood and water and spirit. The historical accounts all agree. History I muttered. It would be my nemesis. I cannot resist a good story. Well she smiled once more. Let me tell you one.
Smokestacks
Another Monday begins. What this week brings who can tell? Or at the least, I can say for certainty not I. A bit of uncertainty, a bit of anxiety as we slide headfirst into April into chaos looming. But is not all of life a bit of chaos, heedlessly unconstrained by the chains that we so meticulously fasten around our plans in order to bring about our own designs? We think at times that if we plan just so and schedule in such and such a fashion that we might then truly have our lives set aright and in smooth and careful steps proceed accordingly to our will. We would be as gods. Yet all of life goes to prove us wrong. We take firm steps and we plan. This is good. Yet on this sea that tosses violently there is only one who can of his own accord calm it. Not I, never I. Is that not a bit reassuring? It is to me and you may wonder why. It is simple – I am every day shown how feeble and frail are my strivings. If the path of my life was up to me alone, I would have good reason to be terrified at the outcome. For I know the deep and lingering darkness in myself as well as the storm that howls round about. It is not a good thing to be left to one’s own devices. And so on this slowly waking morning, I look anew to the horizon grateful for my soul’s own mooring. I trust not in myself for myself, thanks be to God! Instead I trust in the one who never fails and never flees. I trust in Jesus Christ who gave his life for me. This is true and this is real and this actuality of salvation which has occurred is more solid looming in my mind than any imagined pain or hurt. I linger in wondering awe at the foot of this long dreamed hill and watch the flowers grow.
That Which We Confess
Would that I were not currently sitting in front of an empty desk centered in an empty room bathed by the sweetly luxurious outpourings of the fluorescent lights mounted in the recesses far above. I could wish for another fate this late winter day I suppose, but perhaps it is not a bad thing to be in the stillness and in the quiet when so easily might I be in a shrieking cesspit of calamity and chaos. Is this harshly sanitized environment in which I sit not a respite from the nightmares that howl in the greater world outside? Perhaps it would be desirable to sit in this cheery sanitorium if only I believed that the world outside was truly as uncontrollably monstrous as some cannot help but preach. Instead I think that perhaps I do wish my feet were falling in rhythm upon an old stone path as I ponder the fresh air that piles in from the sea and brings the breezes that so often soothe my weary soul. I cast my mind away from this vacant island of pretense and script that vision of reality that so often sweetly haunts my dreams.
In this staging I walk in an old and hallowed courtyard, one lined by brick buildings laced with ivy and a few nodding northern elms who stand proudly in their nakedness. I have an important appointment to keep with a dear friend and though I don’t particularly want to keep her waiting, I do stop for a moment to admire the way the early morning sun filters through the grey clouds above to grace me with a small slice of beauty. I would love to spend a bit of time sitting against one of the trees and writing in my little notebook, yet I cannot spare the time today. Perhaps tomorrow. I put my feet back on the stone path and urge them back into some semblance of pace as I resume my walk. I feel almost as if I could be alone even as I know there are many souls in the buildings that surround me. Yet in the windows that I peer up at I see no signs of life. Only old oaken furniture and a few fluttering curtains in windows that have been left open. Perhaps my friend was leaning out of one of these same windows earlier to watch the sunrise. I know that she likes to do such, even if the sunrise does not promise to be momentous. Ah but there she is now. At the far end of the green I see her sitting on one of the wrought-iron benches that line the path. She waits for me yet makes the most of the time. I see her scribbling away in a notebook of her own. A poem or treatise on theology? Sometimes they are one and the same. Is not a true poem a very reflection on the reality of God? I like to think so. And that’s why people find poets so pretentious at times, for the fact that we seek to impart the deepest of meanings to the most mundane of words. But what are our words but grasping after the most profound realities that our souls ache to know in full? We know how feeble our words are. Yet still we write, in futility and dreams. Now my steps slow as I crunch through the frosty grass. She looks up and smiles.
Let’s talk about all the things and reflect on what our God has revealed to us this day. Let our hearts sing in harmony with the song of heaven. Let’s fill our minds with thoughts of beauty, for vanity unfilled will tends toward chaos and I’d rather not have that. Instead of vacant half-acceptance of the tossing waves of this raging world, let’s set our course by the star we know and firmly with resolve look towards the horizon where the far country grows. We see it now yet dimly. Yet in faith we see it true.
Jack
I fail at keeping this up-to-date, even when I’m on holiday and (supposedly) have plenty of time! Just now, I’m sitting here in the family room and thought I’d write a brief update on this day-after-Christmas(or as it’s called in other lands, Boxing Day!). This day was just lovely. A relaxing morning with coffee and family. Going out with Mom to Best NY Pizza for lunch…and of course the best part of that isn’t the yummy pizza(although that doesn’t hurt…), but just being with Mom and talking with her…which is always one of the highlights of my trip home. Always.
And then once we got home, I got to talk to Chris and Jo over Skype – truly, technology is a wonderful thing!! I got to see Lily as well!!! So so exciting chatting with the three of them for the first time since…well, since I left Aberdeen, three months ago. We talked about Christmas and Lily and Gilc and Buffy and Hobbit and I got to share some of what I’m going through in Houston…and well, I won’t be scandalous and chronicle my whole conversation! But it was just lovely chat. And I miss them so. And I am deeply thankful to God for giving me such friends and for blessing me by enabling us to stay in contact and get to have such sweet conversations. God is good, my friends.
And after I said farewell – what next? Well, Desolation of Smaug of course! Me and Maryanne and Laura and Mom went to see Hobbit II – hurrah!! I’d already seen it, of course, but no one else had. It was much enjoyed, with all the dwarves and Legolas(!!) and barrel-riding and dragony goodness. Oh and Kate from LOST(er, Evangeline Lilly) was the Mirkwood Elves’ Captain of the Guard! Fantastic role, I liked her a lot. Especially her conversations with Kili about starlight. Very non-canonical, but I don’t care, I loved it.
So yes, good times with everyone seeing that, I do declare!
Then we stopped at Blockbuster and grabbed a bunch of ’24’ episodes(Blockbuster going out of business…tragic, tragic) and had a sweet dinner of leftovers at home(because we’ve eaten too much good food this past week and have too much food in the fridge!!) and then me and Laura got to listen to some Tarja(my Christmas gift to her – I think she enjoys!) and me and Dad went for a walk in the cool evening air…and I have no idea how to end this sentence, so I shall just say – now we’re about to watch some ’24’ – classic Hogan Christmas tradition. Season Five, I think! Hopefully we get some ice cream too. Mint chocolate chip, I say.
Hope y’all don’t mind this rambling entry – I shall close as the family calls my name!
Planetfall
Good afternoon!! I am going to write a quick update while I’m here at Beans. Why not, right? I also still don’t have internet in the flat, so it behooves me to make use of my internet time here and write while I can! I actually did order internet and tried setting up the router yesterday but somehow it didn’t work? I’m going to try and trouble shoot and get it fixed this afternoon, but maybe I’m just not meant to have internet. We shall see.
Anyways – why am I not at work today? Well, just thought it’d be fabulous to have a day off during this Christmas season! And indeed it is. So I’ve spent the morning relaxing and catching up with people, and soon I’m about to go and do some shopping and then this afternoon will be cooking time! I’m having community group over at my place tomorrow night, so need to have dinner pre-cooked(since sadly I will be working tomorrow). Also, I’m feeling in a spaghetti-and-meatballs mood, so that’s probably going to be on for tonight. I need to vacuum as well. So – productive afternoon ahead!
I also really need to write Christmas cards, so maybe that will happen as well? It definitely needs to, seeing as it’s already December 16th and post does take a bit of time to travel to Scotland. Hm.
And now I’ve said I’ll not make this overlong, so brief recap of last few awesome days. Yesterday was filled with church and cookie-baking-fail and then time at Zach and Daniel and Chase’s house…cookies and Elf-watching. Fun times. Good friends.
Saturday! I spent it here(of course!) and had good times with reading and relaxing and introducing one of my dear friends to the delights of a Saturday-morning-coffeetime. It was a beautiful morning. And afternoon was spent navigating the treacherous shopper-filled highways and seeing The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. Truly magnificent. I won’t write a review here now, but simply fantastic – filled with barrel-riding and elf-heroics and dragonfire and creepy spiders and Bilbo-being-awesome. And did I mention dragon? Dragon!! Smaug the magnificent, and oh did he live up to his name. SMAUG. Afterwards, dinner at Russo’s where Italian was consumed and much geekery was discussed. Delightful.
Friday! Besides work, went with the community group peoples(along with a few others) to Youth Reach on the east side of town. Hanging out with all the kids there, playing games, exchanging presents…pretty fantastic. The guy in charge(Troy) gets huge respect for me, just giving these boys(about 12 of them I think?) a place to live and be normal kids. God has blessed his work much, this I can clearly see. And I was blessed, just being there.
Thursday! This also had work in it, but I’ll skip that part. After work, drove straight downtown(stressy-times driving…I really really hate downtown rush-hour driving) and then met up with people to see performance of A Christmas Carol. A great performance(we were four rows from front!) and heart-touching story. Of course. But the real treat was just being there with my friends(Joe, Christina, Alex, Abby, Angela, Lauren, Stef…) and enjoying their company. Afterwards, me, Stef, Angela and Lauren got dessert and coffee across the street and talked and laughed and much sugar was consumed. And once again, I cannot but be overwhelmed by the blessings my Lord has given me and the friends he has allowed me to have. Truly, I am blessed. I am blessed.
And now, this long entry will be closed. So let it be written. So let it be done. Peace, y’all.
Swift Sunrise
A lilting laugh and fields of green,
and all the clouds dance triumphant –
morning light and friend so sweet,
how can we not praise the King?
Upon a mountain, flowers lush,
and grass bending gently under
the kiss of the wind and
only the song of the birds
touch the silence.
Once upon a time,
Once upon this earth,
there was a man
and he was called from
a far country,
and he looked to the heavens
and he let his gaze linger upon the stars.
And he walked on and ever on.
The road was long and rocky yes,
and it led him he knew not where,
but his heart was full of love endued
and his eyes glinted grey in joy.
The road led him he knew not where,
and he walked in weariness at times,
but he walked not alone.
Once upon a time,
Once on this dear earth,
there was a man
and he was called to
a far country,
and he looked up to heaven.
And his eyes reflected back the stars.
Love, Unbounded
Hello my friends!!
This night, I am sleepy and thus cannot write as much as I would like. I’m also hungry and should probably make dinner at some point! Frozen pizza? Yes.
But a few words before I do turn the oven on. This weekend I’ve been having a most marvelous time in Northern Ireland! And would that I had all the time in the world to properly do it justice, but alas, the clock ticks ever on. And my heart is too full.
I really cannot chronicle this trip as it deserves. Maybe I’ll write more later, when my mind is less sleepy and my heart is ready to give up its song? Maybe. But now – just know that this weekend was beautiful. Seeing my dear friend Zara again and spending time with her and her family…climbing mountains and seeing the beauty of the earth laid before my feet and knowing how our God cares for each and everyone one of us as He looks out upon His earth…exploring the grand north coast and marveling at the beauty of the waves of the sea crashing against the cliffs jutting out into the ocean proud…eating lunch in the burning sunshine and luxuriating in the goodness of our God in giving us far more than we deserve…talking of the majesties of our God’s staggering creation and worshiping our God in word and prayer and song…and being with friends who remind me what a great God we serve, one who watches out for us and cares for us and holds us close to Himself. Always. And so.
I was right, I really can’t adequately write about this weekend, at least not tonight.
Maybe tomorrow. For now, simply think on the love of God. Think on Him who loved us when we were but sinners – and decided to save us from his terrible and righteous wrath. Think on Jesus – Him who made the universe – the glorious stars above and the swift seas and green fields below. Think on Him who made us His own. This is our God. Remember this, my friends.
Norn Iron
Quickly I write!
About to go off to Rosemary and April’s flat for dinner(a surprise meal- I have no idea what’s brewing!), but I wanted to write a few words. Firstly, I need to say that I still maintain Halo soundtrack music is some of the best writing music there is. I still remember writing Finance discussion boards listening to this…and now, as I’ve struggled through my Bible study prep(this coming week! Elijah awesomeness!! Well, not really. More like Elijah despairing. But that doesn’t sound that fun..) – anyways, I’ve gotten my best writing done listening to Halo music. I don’t know why.
So yeah, been working on my Elijah study for the past few hours now. I really should have been working on it all day, but I’ve been procrastinating by drinking coffee and looking at pictures and talking to fam. Oops. But these past few hours have been productive – I now have a very serviceable draft(i.e., I’d be comfortable preaching off my current notes). Tomorrow afternoon, want to tighten it up a bit and work on structure and format, etc. Anyways, I’m sort of looking forward to Wednesday night. Key point – we are not alone. God our Father is with us. Always.
That’s enough of that though. You surely don’t want to hear all my study thoughts!!
Last night was bittersweet. Mostly sweet really! Ruth and Zara came over here for a delicious(if-I-say-so-myself) fettuccine alfredo dinner with me and John. Youtube videos were watched and cake was eaten and laughs were had and funny pictures were taken…and I realized yet again how much I love these guys. Why sad though? Well, Zara’s moving tomorrow(Northern Ireland – home – for a month, then Glasgow in August)…after I helped her move her stuff to her brother’s this morning, we said goodbye. Well, not goodbye. Not forever. But I don’t know when I’ll see her again. And as we hugged farewell, I just…couldn’t help but be a bit sorrowful. She’s been such a friend to me…indescribably so. And so, instead of wasting mean words now, I will simply say a prayer of thanks to my God for giving me a friend such as her. Peace, my friend.
And now, I must away. Dinner calls my name!
Something Weird 