the Pathetique

Far above the Ephel Duath in the West the night-sky was still dim and pale.
There, peeping among the cloud-wrack above a dark tor high up in the mountains,
Sam saw a white star twinkle for a while.  The beauty of it smote his heart,
as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him.
For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end
the Shadow was only a small and passing thing:
there was light and high beauty
forever beyond its reach.

-Tolkien, LotR, p922

grey and Restful skies

So tonight is finally here – Friday night at last!! I sit now on the couch, having just a nice little walk(up Heights to 11th and then back down again…). I must confess I am ever so thankful that I’m able to live in this gorgeous neighborhood where the walk is so beautiful. Tonight sadly wasn’t that cold out(alas – the cold is fleeing!), but my feet still felt like wandering. The skies grey and almost depressing…but not quite, for the bare branches of winter waved to me in the breeze and all was well. Now time to make a (somewhat delicious!) burrito dinner…and hopefully after that a relaxing reading evening will be had. Looking forward to reading some J. Edwards biography. And then later tonight, Julie is planning to stop by after she finishes work…so I have no doubt we’ll enjoy some quality chat time. Now my friends – this short entry comes to an end. My mind is restless and can’t dwell upon the page. My thoughts fly up to the heavens. The skies are grey and wistful yet. And I sigh for I have been given rest.

Flowing Gold, Softer Silver

A few minutes to write this morning.  …as I drove in to work this morning, noted the overwhelming full golden moon in the west.  Slowly did it sink towards the horizon.  But I could not help but be staggered by the beauty of the golden moon contrasted with the dark early morning sky and the garish city lights…the gleaming yellow loveliness of the moon overshadowed all else.  All praises to the One who made it so.

And…I suppose I have at least a couple minutes to write on my readings this morning?  Oddly enough(or not?!), my readings – as disparate as they were – had a common theme running throughout.  The love of money is a dangerous thing…for truly wealth is not all and it will flow away, as fickle and fragile as a moonbeam in your hand.  So why do we put our trust in money?  We have hope in something that is so much better, do we not?

A few words from the exceedingly chilling prophecies of Ezekiel(sadly I have not the time to write all the words…but you can read for yourselves Chapters 6 & 7 to get full context):

“Then those of you who escape will remember Me among the nations
to which they will be carried captive,
how I have been hurt by their adulterous hearts which turned away from Me,
and by their eyes which played the harlot after their idols;
and they will loathe themselves in their own sight for the evils which
they have committed, for all their abominations.
Then they will know that I am the Lord;
I have not said in vain that I would inflict this disaster upon them…

All hands will hang limp and all knees will become like water.
They will gird themselves with sackcloth and shuddering will overwhelm them;
and shame will be on all faces and baldness on all their heads.
They will fling their silver into the streets and their gold will not be able
to deliver them in the day of the wrath of the Lord.
They cannot satisfy their appetite nor can they fill their stomachs,
for their iniquity has become an occasion of stumbling…

Make the chain, for the land is full of bloody crimes and the city is full of violence.
Therefore, I will bring the worst of the nations, and they will possess their houses.
I will also make the pride of the strong ones cease, and their holy places will be profaned.
When anguish comes, they will seek peace, but there will be none.
Disaster will come upon disaster and rumor will be added to rumor;
then they will seek a vision from a prophet, but the law will be lost
from the priest and counsel from the elders.
The king will mourn, the prince will be clothed in horror,
and the hands of the people of the land will tremble.
According to their conduct I will deal with them,
and by their judgements I will judge them.
And they will know that I am the Lord.”

Sorry for the over-quoting.  But truly, what serious words are those.  Can your wealth save?  Can your luxuries satisfy?  Surely no.  And what devastating words are these: “According to their conduct I will deal with them and by their judgements I will judge them.”  That is what we all deserve, to be judged according to the full measure of our deeds.  Oh what bleakness is that.

Secondly…I also read in Acts 3…the account of Peter and John healing the lame man.  One line quite struck me:

“But Peter, along with John, fixed his gaze on him and said, ‘Look at us!’
And he began to give them his attention, expecting to receive something from them.
But Peter said, ‘I do not possess silver and gold, but what I do have I give to you:
in the name of Jesus Christ the Nazarene – walk!'”

And just imagine that scene.  Put yourselve in the lame man’s place…as he first anticipated that these kind gentlemen were about to give him money…and then in that split second after they said “I do not possess silver and gold,” imagine his disappointment.  His face falls, his hope fails.  That split second of disillusionment and pain.  But then.  Peter continues speaking and utters that most beautiful name – Jesus Christ.  And as He heals the man through the power of God and changes this man’s life forever, what joy crosses that man’s face.  He has received physical healing, yes.  But of far more importance – eternity awaits! – he hears the name of Jesus and witnesses the power of God. 

Do we understand this?  We put so much faith and hope in earthly things – status, wealth, power.  We think – surely if I had enough money, all would be well.  Surely.  But these things never satisfy.  And so as the people of Jerusalem found out, all their wealth was as nothing in the face of their iniquities and the judgment of God.  So too is all our money worthless for wiping away the stench and filth of our sins.  Only One can take away our sins and cleanse us from unrighteousness and that is Jesus Christ, very God Himself.  So today, let us set aside our worries for the physical things of this world and instead set our eyes on Jesus, the true Author and Perfecter of our faith.  All else may fail us.  All else will fail us.  But our God never shall leave us nor forsake us – He will truly be with us and watch over us and care for us, all the days of our life.  The nearness of God is our good, for He has forgiven us all our sins.  Let us remember, let us rejoice and let us ceaseless love.

Wolfpack

A gorgeous grey, rainy Saturday. And after a lovely walk, a few shots of espresso and good chats with John at home and MJ at Red…I’m now enjoying this Saturday in the best way I know how…grilled cheese, tomato soup and basketball on the tv – NC State vs. UNC. Thanks be to God for this beautiful day which He has made!!

reaching yet Falling

It’s…a Monday.  Horrors!  It’s actually not that bad of a day(yet) although I am very tired nonetheless as my weekend was very busy(with fun social things!) and I am most sure I did not get enough sleep.  Alas.  And even last night..though it was a free night and I should have probably gone to bed early, I was silly and decided to watch one of my recent fav movies(Dan in Real Life, which although silly and somewhat ridiculous for multiple reasons….is much loved by me, so says I).  Now I’ve been wanting to write something for a while, as it’s been too long since I’ve been creatively writing…yet once again my muse fails me and my lack of sleep haunts me and so yet once again there will be nothing pretty written this day.  Someday.  Someday I will yet write of those diaphanous clouds floating through the silken skies, blue so bright the eyes water and head spins and yet the heart sings of bare-branched trees and sunlight brilliant, unwaveringly poured down upon the earth as honey upon the bread and yet – and still – the song is heard through the rustling of the dancing limbs of trees unfettered by grave-countenanced dusky shadows.  Someday beauty comes.

Oh So Woke

Right – I was going to post a nice long meandering entry this morning at Starbucks. Sadly, when I first got here there was no convenient table near an outlet and my battery was low, thus I was restricted to writing in my notebook for a time instead. Now I don’t have long as I must be off homewards so I can have lunch and get on with the rest of my day! So this entry will have to wait…maybe tomorrow. I wanted to write on some of my concert experiences and some of my recent thoughts on suffering for Christ and really just let my fingers dance across the keyboard for a time. Alas, maybe later.

But I shall at least share my joy at this wonderful morning. Clearly I have been in Houston too long and am much corrupted by that fact…but as it was barely 80 degrees this morning, I couldn’t help but roll down the window and let my arm hang outside the car as I drove…fall is finally (basically, kinda) here and it is glorious!! And as I drove down Briar Forest Drive…I was reminded again of the goodness of the Lord. This road I drove down was adorned with many overhanging boughs and hedges of flowers and kindred things and for a time, I could feel as if I was driving down an old country road in the Scottish countryside. For a time. So my God this morning has granted me a blessed experience of the lovely world that He has made…and I remembered anew all that my God has done for me. Maybe someday I will live somewhere where I am able to more often see the beauties of the world that God has made…but for now, I shall be grateful for these quiet glimpses of forest grandeur.

Peace and love, always.

Prayers Ascending

Hello friends – and happy Tuesday! I’m going to be starting work in a few minutes, just wanted to briefly chronicle some events of last night – very insignificant to the world at large, but precious to me. Last night, was driving to get dinner with Julie and as I was speeding up down the onramp to I-10, looked up at the sky and was almost overwhelmed by the cacophony of light and beauty shining forth from the sky. Yesterday, it rained and drizzled most of the day, but just as I was driving to dinner, the sky had begun to clear – and so shone forth the sun amidst a riot of towering purple clouds and smooth-streaked grey wisps and dazzling orange shaded fluffy cloud banks…I was so startled by the sight of the sky filled with such a varied and most gorgeous array of clouds and colours and swift shining lights that I had to ease up on my accelerating foot and tell myself to tear my eyes away from the sky. And as I relished the sun setting beauty that confronted me, I realized the gift I had been given to me by my God – a sight of awe and wonder and gorgeous delight. Oh and I suppose this entry is a bit self-indulgent…apologies! But was the rest of my night just as wondrous? Actually, it so happened it was. Dinner with Julie at Dish Society and as always it was wonderful and just what I needed. We enjoyed our food and chat and I was so encouraged by her(and maybe I encouraged her a little too? I hope so). Oh how dear of a friend is she. How marvelous it is to have such a deep bond with someone, a bond forged in the Spirit of God and of our love for Him. We finished the evening and I was able to pray for her and as I prayed, felt simply overwhelmed by the love of God for us, His humble and insignificant children. He loves us.

Hello Again

Happy Sunday friends! I post yet again this extremely fruitful January! I must say, I’m not quite sure why I’ve been writing so much lately…in the words of Lin Manuel Miranda…”Why do you write like you’re running out of time?” I know not. But I do like writing, and maybe lately I have rediscovered the pleasure and comfort it brings to put thoughts and emotions to page such as this. Not of course, that I put everything on here…far be that from me! But right now, it is comforting to let the words flow from thought through fingers to screen. Would that I could write something a bit more…beautiful. But for now, I shall simply write. Before I started this, I’ve been in a bit of a nostalgic mood…looking at some old high school friend’s journals – which are still online, shock! Hi Maggie!! *waves* Anyways, nostalgia diving can be dangerous – indeed, dark and full of terrors and all that. But this afternoon, while I have the bitter feeling of friendships lost and far away…I still have the sweet taste of the memories I had with these friends. And that is something I have been blessed with that shall never leave me. Ah bittersweet. And of course, I am reminded as I sit here that it is not entirely profitable to focus over much on the past. Let these thoughts and memories not drag me far away and distract my energies from life now, in the present. It is a dangerous game – to turn inward to the extent of losing our true joy. Now, I start to wax philosophical. See, this is why I should not write as much as I am – I dare expose my thoughts to the light of day, and what shall they say? That I am a hollow man, full of loose dreams and ill-begotten schemes? Even so. I long for the day when I shall be in that far country. No longer be a-ranging in a stranger land. And so, to dream is not so wrong. Only wrong is it when these dreams are forged of rotten beams – cloying words, sickly sweet in all their pomposity and self-important grandeur. Hiding behind a veil of false humility, oh forgive me!

But let us dream of purer things, of that road that goes ever on. The scent of jasmine, that light breeze upon the cheek. The song that rings true upon the soul, a knowledge of the veil now torn. To dream is not so wrong.

Citizen Erased

Hi friends!! Thought I’d jot something down quickly here, even though I really should be starting work momentarily! Anyways, it’s a simply gorgeous Friday morning…streaks of pink and purple fill the sky as the sun rises above the horizon…beautiful. Now, I’m drinking my peppermint mocha and pondering a new day, wondering what adventures I’ll encounter today. After work today, going home to have a quiet evening and rest in anticipation of trip to New Orleans this weekend to hang out with Maryanne and see Mumford and Sons! (of which I’m much more excited about the former than the latter!!) I must be off now for real – be well, my friends – peace and love.

A Wind in the Door

Happy Friday, friends!!! I’m much enjoying my peppermint mocha this gorgeous day. Even though summer fast approaches with all the heat it can carry, today it feels simply amazing outside. It was storming as I sat inside reading…the crackling sound of thunder and bright lightning flashes reminded me of how much I do love thunderstorms(when I’m inside that is!). And as I walked into work this morning, the storm had passed. Only a few wisps of clouds passed across the sky and the moon shone down soft upon me. A breeze kissed my cheek and I looked up to the fading stars and it was indeed beautiful. And now I must be off. A full day of work to dominate and then off to Dallas to see Mikaela. A wonderful weekend awaits!! And as I think on how much I am blessed, before anything else, I bow my head and thank my God. Indeed, does my heart sing to Him. Forever and always. Peace and love, dear friends.