Upon the Brow

Hello friends! A quick little post this evening before I dive into a bit of reading. I have just started a re-read of Name of the Wind and oh I had forgotten how much I love it. I am delighted anew as I read the words dance across the page. Yes this series may never be finished but I’m ok with that – the beauty in this book alone is enough. So yes, reading time awaits. It’s been raining much of the day and so it’s been that grey kind of day that lingers in the bones and makes one linger in the moment and ponder what’s come before. I am happy though and even pleased that I got to write a bit earlier (scroll down). Don’t take any of it overly seriously – all the writings were just little pieces of imagination attempting to let my creativity do something worthwhile for once. Not entirely sure I succeeded with any of them, alas. Especially the poems were something dreadful now that I look at them in the harsh light after the fever has worn off. I don’t know what’s going on, poetry used to be my bread and butter and now it seems a bit drab and off and doesn’t flow as well as it used to. My prose is where I live these days and I suppose I’m grateful for that. But I’m tempted to focus on poetry more now just to see if I can reclaim the flame and dash off some lines that make me smile even after the fact. We shall see, we shall see. Anyway, I’ve talked far too much about writing and not even sure why I decided to write this piece at all. But I will let it live, I suppose. Thoughts on the page are a reflection of lightning in the mind and I am grateful to have these odd writings to look at after a time. Whenever James-of-the-future re-reads this, he will maybe be puzzled at the existence of these lines yet I urge him to think that in this moment I feel at peace and oh so very alive. It is these quiet moments where the candle crackles and the music floats across the room and I look to see my wife smiling to herself that I cannot deny the magic of this life that I somehow have been graciously given. It is good for us to be here.

Teatime

I have been trying to write winter poetry and failing miserably. Alas it is not to be this night. Hence I switch to prose, the last resort of the poet who refuses to believe his muse is dead. Or temporarily incapacitated. One hopes only temporarily. But sometimes the fire burns within and one simply must write or else he feels as if his soul will crumple in on itself like a big ball of wadded up notebook paper that is scrunched so tight that it may yet yield to the tendency to become a black hole. Yes, that is the correct feeling, finally put in words to burn in their very temporal state. But where was I? Ah yes, talking of poetry and poets and their unsurprising failures. As for me, switching to prose often feels like a defeat, yet I long to snatch victory from its jaws yet. I too am a shepherd boy – or at least I attempt to model myself after one such – and so I too can fiercely extricate this prized lamb from the lion’s jaws. Scratch that last. Dreadful metaphor, quite mixed in theme and usage. To continue. Sometimes prose pieces are fun, sometimes they turn out dreadful too. This one feels whimsical and experimental enough, I am actually somewhat pleased. It amuses me, I will allow it to live. Oh how merciful am I. Now for the piece at hand.

I really did mean to write some winter poetry as I just returned from a lovely walk on this January evening. Finally my humble southern state has been blessed with weather that feels like winter. Temperature in the mid-40s and a nice dry air and a stunning sunset to boot? What have I done to be blessed with such beauty? Well, nothing of course. It’s not all about me. Instead, the glory belongs to another. Musings such as this rolled around in my head as I walked down the sidewalk in my little neighborhood. I thought of the interplay of the small neighborhood with the sky above. The small old houses seem so feeble when compared with the majesty of a winter sunset sky. The clouds stretch up and up, set on fire by the last triumphal notes of the setting sun. The trees contribute a chorus, their branches finally shed of their overly ragged autumnal garments. The branches stretch up and out and contrast nicely against the blues and purples and oranges. But the houses? They seem a bit timid and bashful, their structures not at all suited to be seen in company with the artistry of heaven. An outlier though? The power lines. The power lines start on poles which masquerade nicely as slender wintry trees…and then the lines swoop gracefully, firm and delicate and subtle all at the same time as they highlight the brilliant colours of the twilight. Seeing the power lines hug the sky just as I hug my own arms to myself – well, it brings me a cosy satisfaction. I find delight in the way the mundane creations of this world complement the creations of the one who existed before this world began. It is a thrill to think on such and imagine that just as the power lines point to something greater, so too am I privileged to rest my eyes on the fires of heaven and sing praises to the one on high. Am I also allowed to compliment this moment as my figure somehow complements this scene in which I walk? What does it look like, this frail and faded creation walking on the sidewalk this winter night? Am I too allowed to be thought of as the mundane that points to the beautiful a bit beyond my mortal sight? My temporal hand stretches forth to the eternal. The power lines continue to vibrate in holy tension and I sigh. The sliver of dusk shivers in anticipation of resurrection glories and the waxing starlight sings of a story not yet done. The book is written and the ending sure. But for now, turn one page at a time. Faithfully I read on, now a candle lit beside me as I let my mind slip back to the present. Yet still I remember the stark beauty of that cold and perfect winter sunset sky.

Starlight

This morning the dark lingers. The depth of winter grasps onto the light and keeps it away and while I would appreciate the first rays of sunlight to creep over the horizon, I know I must wait a few more minutes yet. Even so, I now appreciate the fact that I am beginning this week as the year winds to an end and I reflect over all that has been and muse over that which is and shall be. I wish to meditate upon truth in the lamplight that now spills over my shoulder. I have a book upon my lap which contains more of reality than my mind can ever grasp and I gasp to consider that the stars that blaze out overhead cannot outshine the enormity of the pillars of creation that have given me such a sure and steady confidence in the very God who holds my hand. Oh yes I am quite guilty of mixing a few metaphors as I attempt to muster my thoughts – consider that a testimony to the awe that fills my soul as I drink deep the love of God who fills all my dry and dusty places. For yes, this book that I mentioned earlier is the very Word of God – crafted by his hand and set afore us in the wisdom that is beyond our ken. But we may ask – is not this book merely written by common men? This is when our intellectual yearnings take over and we burn to find out more. I would wager – as indeed I have – that this book can hold up to any questions we can throw against it. Just taste and see. There is a divine reason that this book has held up throughout these many years and has placed such a burning in the hearts of those touched by the very Spirit of God. My heart longs for beauty. But beauty unmoored from reality is really no beauty at all, wouldn’t you say? And realizing that, I look up to the stars that sing the songs of heaven and I consider the truths that have enlivened my very soul. From where does my soul come? Or rather – from whom? Why do I long for that which my eyes cannot yet see? I yearn to meet the God greater than that which can be imagined by my little mind. But I do know him as he has for eternity known that he would be with me. What wonders, wonders fill my mind! See the light step over the horizon. I sip my mug of coffee and feel the pleasure that comes with that perfect first cup. Someday a more perfect pleasure will blaze in my soul as I sit at the feet of Jesus Christ and hear his words to me. For now though – I will echo the call of eternity for it does ring in even these everyday mundane realities. There is a song of joy that I would join and so I must away!

The Pond at Camelot

Why does she keep writing? I wish to echo her song but I keep finding myself left behind. There’s a piece of magic in the pieces that proceed from her pen, a poetry that expresses itself in such a manner that would be envied by the Romantics of yesteryear. I find myself speechless. Hence why I retreat back to my own garret and proceed to scribble responses that I’d never dare send to her. Her writings stand alone, dominant and unshakeable in their conviction of the beauty that thrills the soul. My writings would be merely reflections, meaningless apart from the source. Perhaps I could dialogue with her and sharpen her analysis of the true nature of the world. Perhaps I could send her a fond note in which I drop a few hints that she’s persuaded me too. Perhaps the only worth I have is in holding a candle up to the parchment pages that she’s filled with life. I cannot use any other word for it. Her poetry is life itself, bursting and singing forth the bones of reality itself. Do you see that cherry tree out yonder past the stone wall? I’ve sat there many times, holding up its trunk with my stiff neck. Yet it was not until I read her lines that I truly grasped the beauty of a cherry blossom in spring, even though my eyes surely must have at many times seen that very sight. The tinder is carefully laid and the wood is prepared near to hand. I cannot argue against the testimony of my heart that cries out in the night. Sometimes it seems the night mutterings are more true than the daytime blatherings. I would walk up and shake her hand but I fear she’d turn away knowing I was not worthy. I am not worthy. I walk up to the bookshelves that line this room and run my finger across every spine. The way is prepared and the path is cleared. Where is the spark? I wait for it to fly for only then will I be prepared to die. Her poems speak of dustpans and green curtains and islands in the blue. And even when she talks of teatime at dusk in all its mundanity, I see it, that hope of that which is to come. I pull up a chair and lay down my book. It opens to a proper page for of course it does. She smiles and reaches out her hand. Trembling, I hold out mine.

Oh So Woke

Right – I was going to post a nice long meandering entry this morning at Starbucks. Sadly, when I first got here there was no convenient table near an outlet and my battery was low, thus I was restricted to writing in my notebook for a time instead. Now I don’t have long as I must be off homewards so I can have lunch and get on with the rest of my day! So this entry will have to wait…maybe tomorrow. I wanted to write on some of my concert experiences and some of my recent thoughts on suffering for Christ and really just let my fingers dance across the keyboard for a time. Alas, maybe later.

But I shall at least share my joy at this wonderful morning. Clearly I have been in Houston too long and am much corrupted by that fact…but as it was barely 80 degrees this morning, I couldn’t help but roll down the window and let my arm hang outside the car as I drove…fall is finally (basically, kinda) here and it is glorious!! And as I drove down Briar Forest Drive…I was reminded again of the goodness of the Lord. This road I drove down was adorned with many overhanging boughs and hedges of flowers and kindred things and for a time, I could feel as if I was driving down an old country road in the Scottish countryside. For a time. So my God this morning has granted me a blessed experience of the lovely world that He has made…and I remembered anew all that my God has done for me. Maybe someday I will live somewhere where I am able to more often see the beauties of the world that God has made…but for now, I shall be grateful for these quiet glimpses of forest grandeur.

Peace and love, always.

Prayers Ascending

Hello friends – and happy Tuesday! I’m going to be starting work in a few minutes, just wanted to briefly chronicle some events of last night – very insignificant to the world at large, but precious to me. Last night, was driving to get dinner with Julie and as I was speeding up down the onramp to I-10, looked up at the sky and was almost overwhelmed by the cacophony of light and beauty shining forth from the sky. Yesterday, it rained and drizzled most of the day, but just as I was driving to dinner, the sky had begun to clear – and so shone forth the sun amidst a riot of towering purple clouds and smooth-streaked grey wisps and dazzling orange shaded fluffy cloud banks…I was so startled by the sight of the sky filled with such a varied and most gorgeous array of clouds and colours and swift shining lights that I had to ease up on my accelerating foot and tell myself to tear my eyes away from the sky. And as I relished the sun setting beauty that confronted me, I realized the gift I had been given to me by my God – a sight of awe and wonder and gorgeous delight. Oh and I suppose this entry is a bit self-indulgent…apologies! But was the rest of my night just as wondrous? Actually, it so happened it was. Dinner with Julie at Dish Society and as always it was wonderful and just what I needed. We enjoyed our food and chat and I was so encouraged by her(and maybe I encouraged her a little too? I hope so). Oh how dear of a friend is she. How marvelous it is to have such a deep bond with someone, a bond forged in the Spirit of God and of our love for Him. We finished the evening and I was able to pray for her and as I prayed, felt simply overwhelmed by the love of God for us, His humble and insignificant children. He loves us.

Hello Again

Happy Sunday friends! I post yet again this extremely fruitful January! I must say, I’m not quite sure why I’ve been writing so much lately…in the words of Lin Manuel Miranda…”Why do you write like you’re running out of time?” I know not. But I do like writing, and maybe lately I have rediscovered the pleasure and comfort it brings to put thoughts and emotions to page such as this. Not of course, that I put everything on here…far be that from me! But right now, it is comforting to let the words flow from thought through fingers to screen. Would that I could write something a bit more…beautiful. But for now, I shall simply write. Before I started this, I’ve been in a bit of a nostalgic mood…looking at some old high school friend’s journals – which are still online, shock! Hi Maggie!! *waves* Anyways, nostalgia diving can be dangerous – indeed, dark and full of terrors and all that. But this afternoon, while I have the bitter feeling of friendships lost and far away…I still have the sweet taste of the memories I had with these friends. And that is something I have been blessed with that shall never leave me. Ah bittersweet. And of course, I am reminded as I sit here that it is not entirely profitable to focus over much on the past. Let these thoughts and memories not drag me far away and distract my energies from life now, in the present. It is a dangerous game – to turn inward to the extent of losing our true joy. Now, I start to wax philosophical. See, this is why I should not write as much as I am – I dare expose my thoughts to the light of day, and what shall they say? That I am a hollow man, full of loose dreams and ill-begotten schemes? Even so. I long for the day when I shall be in that far country. No longer be a-ranging in a stranger land. And so, to dream is not so wrong. Only wrong is it when these dreams are forged of rotten beams – cloying words, sickly sweet in all their pomposity and self-important grandeur. Hiding behind a veil of false humility, oh forgive me!

But let us dream of purer things, of that road that goes ever on. The scent of jasmine, that light breeze upon the cheek. The song that rings true upon the soul, a knowledge of the veil now torn. To dream is not so wrong.

Citizen Erased

Hi friends!! Thought I’d jot something down quickly here, even though I really should be starting work momentarily! Anyways, it’s a simply gorgeous Friday morning…streaks of pink and purple fill the sky as the sun rises above the horizon…beautiful. Now, I’m drinking my peppermint mocha and pondering a new day, wondering what adventures I’ll encounter today. After work today, going home to have a quiet evening and rest in anticipation of trip to New Orleans this weekend to hang out with Maryanne and see Mumford and Sons! (of which I’m much more excited about the former than the latter!!) I must be off now for real – be well, my friends – peace and love.

A Wind in the Door

Happy Friday, friends!!! I’m much enjoying my peppermint mocha this gorgeous day. Even though summer fast approaches with all the heat it can carry, today it feels simply amazing outside. It was storming as I sat inside reading…the crackling sound of thunder and bright lightning flashes reminded me of how much I do love thunderstorms(when I’m inside that is!). And as I walked into work this morning, the storm had passed. Only a few wisps of clouds passed across the sky and the moon shone down soft upon me. A breeze kissed my cheek and I looked up to the fading stars and it was indeed beautiful. And now I must be off. A full day of work to dominate and then off to Dallas to see Mikaela. A wonderful weekend awaits!! And as I think on how much I am blessed, before anything else, I bow my head and thank my God. Indeed, does my heart sing to Him. Forever and always. Peace and love, dear friends.

Soul Power

Morning all!! It’s Monday morning once again – the beginning of another (hopefully busy and exciting!) week. I’m sipping on my hazulnut mocha and enjoying the slow lightening of the western sky as the dawn continues its inexorable march. I really don’t even have that much to write about(since I just posted two days ago…two posts in three days – shocking!), but thought I would at least say hi.

A slow and ponderous turn of earth,
seems so heavy at times,
so full of nickle and iron
and far too many broken dreams.

Yet soaring through the not quite vacuum,
Soulful dance of nebulae and stars,
Not so heavy now, see?
Tapestry of space flutters,
dreamily.