Around the table our voices raise as we sing before we pray. It’s a tradition that some may deride as old fashioned yet for us it stirs our souls and feels only right to worship as we start this feast that’s set before us. Our voices align in unity of purpose even with the voices that are dropped to sound in harmony. My eyes close as the last notes rise and fall and then resolve and then the amen sounds as is only proper when the doxology is sung. Then without even a word being said we raise our hands and join them together. I feel hers in mine and she squeezes slightly. And then my sister on the other side grabs mine and holds it lightly. And we bow our heads and then my father prays to the father of us all. There is thanks given and praise raised and of course mention made of each one of us that around that table stands and of the blessings that have rained down innumerable upon us. I sigh in my heart and let my own prayer rise silent but no less fervent to the invisible heights above where the risen one sits at the right hand of glory. The prayer goes on but only for a few more ticks of the clock, for of course while prayer is good, so is eating and to be sure it’s best to eat while the food is still hot. The amen sounds again and this time we turn to each other and smile and drop hands and pull our chairs back and sit with more or less commotion depending on who is sitting next to who. And then right when my fork is dug in and the perfect bite is about to be raised there’s a voice that pierces through. What about a toast she says? And though a part of me wants to just take a bite, I cannot say a word against so I take my glass of crimson red and raise it high and say my piece. Glory glory to our King. No matter what comes and no matter who goes, no matter the waves and no matter the storm, it is good for us to rest in the peace that comes with knowing our Lord. It is good for us to be here together in this place.
Forty Eight
Hello friends! A Sunday afternoon post here. I am freshly showered and feel cool and clean and it is truly delightful, especially after the last hour I spent outside sweating vigorously in the glorious steam bath that is our weather here in June just now. Not sure why I’ve been in such a walking mood lately, but that’s now two walks for the day. Went for my usual Sunday walk immediate upon waking this morning. The sun wasn’t quite peeking over the trees yet still the humidity bid me a hearty hello. But I did love the walk and it did me good before I eventually came back and had my pre-church coffee and reading time. Then this past hour? I could have and probably should have just sat down and enjoyed the cool of the flat this Sunday afternoon. Instead for some reason I was itching to move and be outside and so I went out and let my legs stride on. A little 3 mile walk, ho hum. But it was good. Chatted with Earnie on the phone the whole time, which was glorious indeed. It has been oh so long since we’ve had a proper chat and it was very much encouraging to my soul. Now? I think reading time approaches. Candle is already lit and flickering on the table and soon I shall turn on some music. No more World Cup games on right now, alas!! I have been much enjoying all the World Cup action lately. Group stages which means multiple games every day and it’s just fantastic! The US team (surprisingly somehow) played a very adequate opener game against Paraguay. 4-1 and 3 points, hurrah! On to Australia. Yesterday Dani and I went went down with Angela and Lauren to a downtown bar that was swarmed with Brasilians and we cheered on Brasil with all our might. Alas they managed only a draw against Morocco. Well, Morocco is a strong team. Or at least that’s what we keep telling ourselves. And last night, Scotland grabbed 3 points against Haiti!! Oh Scotland let’s go!!! Though I don’t have high hopes of them going deep (especially with Brasil & Morocco both in their group), I’m hoping they make it to knockouts. We shall see. But that’s enough football talk for now I suppose. I do love the World Cup though and it makes me so happy that we have so many games upcoming these next few weeks!! Even today, there was a game actually played in Houston! (Germany vs. Curacao) Just wish the ticket prices were slightly less expensive. Ah well. Now I’m off for real. Sorry for all the rambling, maybe I shall write something more substantial in a bit. Peace and love, my friends.
Breakfast
Hello friends and happy Friday! It’s been a bit and thought I’d bring back that old classic – an early morning pre-work post! Not promising I’ll say anything profound of course, just thought I’d dash out a few lines and say hello. I’m ever so grateful for a work-from-home day this Friday. Been a busy past few days at the office and so to have a day at home today is truly a joy. Already about done with my first cup of coffee and thinking it’s almost time to brew my second. But right now, enjoying a few quiet moments of peace.
It is good to be still and silent and meditate on life and all that has come before and all that now is and all that is yet to be. At times I feel we can be oh so busy dashing between this errand and that appointment and this event and that outing that we have no time to reflect and ponder. I confess that is not usually my weakness – some could say I have too much time to think and write! Yet I would still argue that we do such a good job filling our time that there is not those in between spaces that are so valuable to the health and growth of our own minds and souls. Those in between spaces are when our minds wander down those little paths and think thoughts that may turn out to be ever so fruitful. Of course not always. Sometimes we let our minds dance into thickets and briar patches that are not quite as amenable to our thriving! But still the point stands that we need to be careful how we are filling our time. Or how we are allowing our time to be filled. Even think of that ever present quite helpful device the phone. When we are at the store in line or in the elevator or just on the couch trying to read…how often do we pull out the phone on autopilot idly scrolling away at whatever the algorithm has decided to present to us that moment? And so we allow our minds to be filled and occupied by much that is not ideal. I am attempting to be more purposeful on what I think on. Ought we not think on what is good and true and lovely and meditate more on the real and beautiful instead of letting our minds pick at the vacuous fripperies that are shoved our way?
So today let’s think on the beautiful. I want to ponder how much I have been blessed and meditate on the God who made me and all things. I want to think more of Christ and the beauties contained in his work and word and all the glories he has brought me as he bought me with the blood he shed oh so many years ago. I want to think on that greater story that makes all else fade as I consider the solidity and reality of the fact that I am a child of God. What a wonder it is to consider the anchor that holds me fast as I know I am held and loved by the God who calls my name. Though too often I fear the storms of life and let anxiety fill my heart as I wonder what is to come, I need not fear. The storms may howl and the winds may wail yet no matter all the water that slops in the boat, I am confident that this boat in which I sit will never sink and that it will never run aground. Only someday I look forward to when we land on that far shore and I step out on the beach with heart exultant, eager for a good breakfast of fish and toast and communion with the one for whom my heart longs. Now we know in part – one day we shall know fully just as we are fully known. Peace and love, my friends. Peace and love.
Upon the Brow
Hello friends! A quick little post this evening before I dive into a bit of reading. I have just started a re-read of Name of the Wind and oh I had forgotten how much I love it. I am delighted anew as I read the words dance across the page. Yes this series may never be finished but I’m ok with that – the beauty in this book alone is enough. So yes, reading time awaits. It’s been raining much of the day and so it’s been that grey kind of day that lingers in the bones and makes one linger in the moment and ponder what’s come before. I am happy though and even pleased that I got to write a bit earlier (scroll down). Don’t take any of it overly seriously – all the writings were just little pieces of imagination attempting to let my creativity do something worthwhile for once. Not entirely sure I succeeded with any of them, alas. Especially the poems were something dreadful now that I look at them in the harsh light after the fever has worn off. I don’t know what’s going on, poetry used to be my bread and butter and now it seems a bit drab and off and doesn’t flow as well as it used to. My prose is where I live these days and I suppose I’m grateful for that. But I’m tempted to focus on poetry more now just to see if I can reclaim the flame and dash off some lines that make me smile even after the fact. We shall see, we shall see. Anyway, I’ve talked far too much about writing and not even sure why I decided to write this piece at all. But I will let it live, I suppose. Thoughts on the page are a reflection of lightning in the mind and I am grateful to have these odd writings to look at after a time. Whenever James-of-the-future re-reads this, he will maybe be puzzled at the existence of these lines yet I urge him to think that in this moment I feel at peace and oh so very alive. It is these quiet moments where the candle crackles and the music floats across the room and I look to see my wife smiling to herself that I cannot deny the magic of this life that I somehow have been graciously given. It is good for us to be here.
Eighteen Summers
condensation on the glass
smoke swirls up from the candle
and music hums in the air
and in this moment of all moments
my yearning grapples with my pain
and i shake in silent angst
droplets upon the page
nervous wipe them
before it stains
never mind just my tears
let them forever testify
to what i have felt this day
To the Brim
she walks up to the lighthouse
as i in fear linger behind
dare i follow or speak a word?
or would it be folly to presume?
and so i watch her step up to the door
in a second she’s gone inside
and i tremble and look up to the stars
even as their beauty overwhelms me
my thoughts flee and i let out a sigh
no matter where this day ends up
no matter if my heart stays broken
i still am anchored by the oath i have given
and held tight by the love i have known
and i too am counted beautiful
and named even as the countless stars
so i name her now in my heart of hearts
and hurry up the path she trod
Harp Song
Silver water slides underneath the bridge and I feel an urgent desire to shed my shirt and shoes and jump right in. Usually I can push off mad thoughts such as this but not this time. Off comes my shirt and off come my shoes and I climb over the railing and balance on the lip of the bridge. I stretch my back and legs and then push slowly up once as I hold on loosely to the rail behind. The sun beats hot upon my head and I feel the sweat begin to trickle down my neck. The swift water below looks absolutely delicious. I once more slowly press down upon the bridge with my toes and then I force myself past the point of no return and off I leap. The water rushes toward me as my stomach leaps in protest as I have a half second to wonder if I’ve perhaps made a mistake. Never mind! My feet hit the water and my flailing arms and head soon follow. Ah I am cool and I am washed and oh boy is it cold! I immediately splutter to the surface even as I feel the water rush me onwards. I let it. I’m floating backwards and can’t quite see where I’m going but I know the river runs straight for a good half mile at least and I’m not overly concerned of stray rowboats. So I lie back and let the waters carry me on as I feel the sun smile down upon me. Its warmth feels good now. I am a part of the river and the river is a part of me and together we in unison dance with the sky above and the breeze that leaps between. It is a good dance, a rollicking affair. I am not at all mad about my choice, no matter what Madeleine may say later on. Up on that bridge I was a remote observer, standing upon concrete and mind elsewhere. Now? I am living true as the river carries me on. My mind is in the moment and present and oh so focused on the fact that I am in this river and I am breathing fresh air and I feel cold and hot at the same time and it is glorious and I hear creation’s song.
Astonished
A few little thoughts on a few little books this lazy Saturday.
45. The Gold at the Starbow’s End by Frederik Pohl. A collection of sci-fi stories by Pohl, this was a random free pick-up from an airport’s donation shelf. Win! I enjoyed a few of these stories but have to confess that Pohl’s style just may not be for me. Felt a bit dated and though some of his concepts were interesting, the tone was a bit overly cynical and the mood a bit dour. Not for me.
46. Bionicle #1: Rise of the Toa Nuva by Greg Farshtey, Carlos D’Anda, Randy Elliott. Right so throwback time! Reading this little graphic novel (less of a graphic novel and more of a compilation of the first few Bionicle comics) just filled me with all the nostalgia. I remember reading these comics back when they first came out when I was a kid, believe back in 2000-2002 or so? So reading this now was an exercise in happiness and warm sentiment, to be sure. But I do have to confess that I think I really only enjoyed this for the fond memories. Because of the way Bionicle lore and story was unfolded, these comics felt a bit scattered and partial at times, only telling small snippets of story. The rest of the story was told in some of the games and online resources that were out at the time. So I did not entirely remember all the interlude bits and found myself a bit confused! But hey ho, the art was still as gorgeous as I remember and reading this just made me smile. I still remember the wonder I felt at reading that first comic, watching a world come to life before me in all its mythic glory. And I will always fondly remember this franchise for the part it played in my own development. Not sure if I’d be a writer today if it were not for my first fumbling attempts exploring the Bionicle mythos back in the day!!
47. Silas Marner by George Eliot. A wonderful book. As soon as I started reading this book, I sighed in satisfaction, realizing anew how much I love Eliot’s writing and how beautifully she tells a story. This is a simple story in a simple setting, but oh is it told well. While at times Eliot can get a touch overly didactic and the narrator’s voice can intrude a bit more than I would like, I still love how Eliot treats characters and so beautifully shows how the decisions we make in our life affect the meandering course of our precious souls. There are some powerful moments in this one and some moments that made me smile for the beauty and truth contained therein. One of the minor characters unveils her philosophy around chance and providence in a way that made me lift my head and ponder as the simple statements she made in dialect contained some of the most powerful and encouraging truths I’ve read in fiction in a long time. I really loved this one. And I would strongly recommend it as a great introduction to Eliot to anyone who’s not read her yet. It’s so short in comparison to some of her others!
Hear Ye Now
And behold, a violent storm developed on the sea, so that the boat was being covered by the waves; but Jesus Himself was asleep. And they came to Him and woke Him, saying, “Save us, Lord; we are perishing!” He said to them, “Why are you afraid, you men of little faith?” Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the sea, and it became perfectly calm. The men were amazed, and said, “What kind of a man is this, that even the winds and the sea obey Him?”
-Matthew 8:24-27
What words are these! Mightily struck by reading the above this morning and ever so encouraged. Who is Jesus? This passage forces us to grapple with the question. He is one who is human – he needs sleep! – yet also one who holds divine power. Who holds such power over the very forces of nature? No mere man. This passage also has moments of humor – Jesus asks the disciples why they are afraid. If I were them, I would simply point to the sea that is even now swamping their boat! But in this question, Jesus is also gently rebuking them. They have already submitted themselves to Him and acknowledged his authority. But clearly their faith is at a weak point here and their verbal acknowledgement of Jesus has not yet extended to full understanding of who He is and a simple trust that clears away the daily anxieties of life. So do we too fear and doubt and worry and fret each and every day, forgetting that Jesus holds our hand and is united to us in a reality too wonderful to imagine. And that leads us to the last question the disciples ask, which is the only appropriate one to ask here. The disciples ask, “What kind of a man is this?” Indeed. We are united to Christ and we can delight in that fact. But do we realize that Jesus is not a mere man or a wise counselor or good buddy but…in actuality God Himself, containing all the fullness of deity and lacking none of his glory? Consider Jesus.
The disciples have weak faith and are feeble and frail in this passage, as so are we each and every day. Yet look at how they respond here. Despite their weakness, they respond just as we should. They go to Jesus, knowing that in him is their salvation. And then they consider the nature of Jesus and wonder. So too let us remember that only in Jesus is there any hope. The storms may rage and the seas may crash around us – as they so often do. Go to Jesus! And let us meditate more on Jesus, on who he is and what he has done for us who cry out to him. Oh how beautiful it is to think on Jesus and ponder His nature and wondrous glory. Jesus is our delight, our hope, our light and our song and our only salvation. We have salvation in nothing we have done. We have fullness of life and eternal delight only through Jesus. Who is Jesus? He is very God and very man, the way of salvation as eternally and divinely decreed in perfect wisdom and extravagant love. What makes our heart beat so in expectant hope and dawning joy? Consider Jesus.
Of An Evening
There’s a story that I know, a story full and rich in its beauty. I oft times think on it and linger in the feeling that this story brings. You may wonder what story it is and why I get so choked up when I talk of it. You may think it’s just words on a page or a song sung low on an evening as the sun slowly sets. What of it that you let your tears fall freely or that in the spirit of this story you write so much poetry? I know my friend I know it seems odd that this one story controls my life and sets me on the path I have been walking e’er so long now. Yet if you would read it for yourself and taste and see, I wager too that you would find it true. Come and read this story about Jesus, the one who in perfection and love unyielding laid down his life that we would know life as it was meant to be lived. This is life, knowing and being known by the living God as revealed in this very same Jesus Christ. Consider that this may possibly be true. I have considered and I have set my hand to the plow and I walk on.
Something Weird 