A momentary beauty and a fundamental truth encourages me in this day that feels so real and present yet I know by tomorrow it will be yet another wafer thin page quickly fading in my memory to mist. But does that fact that the existing moment in the present is quickly shoved aside to become ever less important in the grand scheme of the timeline that rushes stubbornly in one direction mean that moment is in actuality less important or is it only a trick of perception? I would argue so though it is difficult to state my case when I can say for almost certainty that if this earth still spins a few hundred years hence there will be no one left alive who remembers my name (and certainly not my face). I’ve had the thought myself when looking at old photo albums – who is that? No clue. Turn the page. Page turned and accomplished and we move forward in swaggering sureness of importance of self. Hard to think otherwise when one exists as one does and can only reference to self because well one thinks as oneself does one not? Oh pardon me for this angst induced overly indulgent existential rage. I am proud and selfish as most of us tend to be, us mere humans scraping through the rubble of our shattered dreams attempting to salvage an idea of the grand reality that was promised. Does your heart thrill to that thought too? Is there a true myth that causes your heart to skip a beat and the hair to rise upon your neck as you put your hand to your lips as unconsciously you yearn for a taste of the miraculous? Or is it only again the scrabbling through the ashes of the forest attempting to construct a mansion out of trees that never could bear the weight of expectations as you turn your face aside to cry? I ask for your forgiveness, friend. My thoughts dance ahead of my reason and I fear the turmoil of my heart is now bare for all to see. What is this lot of mine, this suffering? Do you hurt too? I ache for that weight of glory. I beg for the veil to be removed. I crave to live in a real house someday. I can’t bear this tent much longer, surely not. But there is a sense of something beautiful in the corner of my eye and I rest my hand upon the truth that truly never lies. Someday resurrection will be seen face to face. For now though I see not, I believe. I can’t help but otherwise when the fire burns within me so.
Snapshot
she darts a gaze my way
that woman leaning against
the little yellow car
profound in its solidity
she slumps in her transience
and meets my eyes
small smile plays about her lips
even as the cigarette touches
i walk past the stranger and don’t look back
oh now i smell the smoke
Fits and Starts
Sidewalk strolls seldom feel entirely purposeless when the sky so shyly smiles as she does presently. Involuntarily I smile and lift my head up in silent prayer. It is good to sing a new song this day. Puddles abound and the birds chirp. The earth has been freshly washed and the bayou runs high and I marvel at the many waters flowing underneath my feet. The bridge bounces as past me runs another who loves the early mornings. The sky’s face is veiled behind a thin layer of clouds. Some would say this early morning grey is a bit of a dull affair especially when the air has chilled so. I would beg to differ. There is a special kind of beauty in early morning sky when the predominant colours are soft grey and pale gold. My heart sings in harmony with the notes of this new day. I close my eyes and lean over the bridge and let my imagination run afore me as I ponder the now and not yet and think on all that is to come when I am truly home. I open my eyes and see in the far distance the skyline rising through the fog. There is a shimmer or sort of sparkle as a ray of sun bounds through. And my eyes change color too. From grey to green they progress in the light of morning’s fullness.
Home By Eleven
Hello friends! A rainy Saturday here and it’s nice to be warm and dry inside with nothing on the agenda this evening. Well, maybe some reading and perhaps some Great British Baking Show shenanigans. And I do hope some reading as well! But we shall see. I’m a bit tired but it’s not even 7pm yet so surely I can’t even start to consider bedtime yet. So thought I’d log a few of my latest reads and perhaps I’ll write more later? Nah I don’t want to promise that. But here we go, let’s talk about some books most briefly.
26. Disaster on Windy Hill by Lois Walfrid Johnson. The Northwoods series comes to a close! I do like this book and think it’s a lovely little capstone to the series. Finally they are all back at home again and we get the whole family and Kate continues to grow up and though the plot is pretty basic, the character arc is what matters here. Love to see Kate growing up into a strong woman of God. And some truly memorable scenes here, my favourite being when Kate witnesses Papa go out to the woods to seek the Lord and read the Bible in a time of hardship and fear. Might I remember this. Where do I go when I fear and my heart quakes? May I also cry out to the Lord in my distress, to one who shows lovingkindness to me his child!
27. Lost in a Good Book by Jasper Fforde. Another absurd romp by the literary mastermind Fforde. He really is quite a clever writer and I found myself much amused by this one. I suppose it really helps to have a good grounding in books and literary topics and I doubt I would have appreciated this one half as much if I read it fifteen years ago. Reading it now…well, it was simply superb. I don’t want to spoil overmuch, but the first part of the book is good, though just kind of ridiculous and off the wall. But about halfway through, when Thursday starts to enter other…er…dimensions…the book just becomes superb , tickling my fancy to the extreme. If you are a book lover and appreciate a book that doesn’t take itself too seriously and is wacky and fun and also chockfull of clever wordplay and bookish illusions….well, you’ve come to the right place.
28. Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery. Didn’t quite think I’d read this book again so soon after my last read, but ended up reading it for book club this month and though I probably could have foregone the read and just gone off memory…of course I had to read it again. And oh this one still delights. Some may wonder why this book resonates so much with my soul. I doubt I can fully explain but I just know my heart thrills when reading this one. Such simple sweetness, such profound beauty. I love reading of the good and the beautiful and the human, and this book delights in all the ways. It’s brilliantly written – Montgomery has such a way with words and so many wonderful turns of phrase. The humour is top-notch and I found myself laughing out loud multiple times as I read! Yes Anne is a bit ridiculous and at times overly whimsical and full of drama. Oh so many mishaps and misadventures! Still yet we see her grow into a young woman who loves deeply and begins to think of others before herself. I do so love how the author alternates between scenes of nature that delight the imagination and lengthy passages of dialogue where you can just hear Anne speaking her heart and soul. This book is one that reminds me of the sheer beauty of the world in which we walk and breathe and also speaks of the wonder of what it is to be human. So many times as I read a short descriptive paragraph of the path Anne was walking, I found myself smiling as my heart warmed as I imagined walking there myself.
I did find one passage that I marked in a past read and I wondered why it was the only passage I had marked off. Read it and then nodded to myself. Yup, I agree with past James. This passage thrums a chord deep in my heart and I shall close with this now. “It’s nice to be eating ice cream at brilliant restaurants at eleven o’clock at night once in awhile; but as a regular thing I’d rather be in the east gable at eleven, sound asleep, but kind of knowing even in my sleep that the stars were shining outside and that the wind was blowing in the firs across the brook.”
That Old Story
Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. For we know that if the earthly tent which is our house is torn down, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For indeed in this house we groan, longing to be clothed with our dwelling from heaven, inasmuch as we, having put it on, will not be found naked. For indeed while we are in this tent, we groan, being burdened, because we do not want to be unclothed, but to be clothed, so that what is mortal will be swallowed up in life. Now He who prepared us for this very purpose is God, who gave to us the Spirit as a pledge.
-2 Corinthians 4:16-5:5
Thanksgiving
the bread broken and the wine poured
up to the table i walk once again
still it feels as the first time
the wonder and the love that somehow
this feast before me is rightfully mine
but why when my feet are dirty and my eyes dry?
the wrong assumption of course
it is not my eyes that looked with love as they spat upon him
it is not my feet that were pierced through with heavy iron
so i do not claim anything of mine own as merit sufficient
if i did that would not be a rightful claim
only pride
instead i clutch a ticket stub that has stamped upon it
paid in full
by that divine one Jesus Christ
with whom one day I shall dine as we break bread
and he looks me in the eye
and we toast each other and each take a sip of wine
someday soon i pray but for now
i cling to his feet and sing once more
the song that is forever mine
he loves me yes i know
A Mock Severity Demonstrated
See how the storms howl outside? Yes of course I’ll be safe, but let me open the door for a second, just a second I promise! And let me stick my head out to feel the spray of the rain on my face and feel the raw wind in all its glory. Too often the safety and security of our modern life aids in our forgetting the fragility of our frames. We are used to being master of all we survey. Stand for a moment as the thunder rolls and you will not feel as if you are much of a master at all. Perhaps it is good to feel small now and then. I close the door once more. Only a little wet, see? Now I don’t need to take a shower for the water falling from the heavens was sufficient to wash me clean. No I won’t shake myself on the mat. Throw me a towel and I’ll dry off and then let’s turn the oven on as we prepare for dinner. I like the natural beauty of the outdoors but I also crave simple comforts like dry clothes and hot food. Electricity is pretty nice too.
Westering
she knows it won’t be long before again
the sun shall slip below
the horizon
but before that moment
a gasp of beauty
a slash of light
once more sings my heart this night
the glory of the stars most visible
when it is darkest after all
even as we peer up from the bottom of the well
do your eyes fill up as mine do?
someday we shall ascend the ladder too
According to Some
Hello friends! Happy Saturday!! I would promise I’d write a nice newsy post just now, but I really won’t be doing any such thing. It has been a most lovely full day here and I am now at the point where there are a few minutes for me to sit on the couch and rest and I think I desire some reading time (cue everyone’s shocked face). Tomorrow I will try and write. I think. But truly, today was beautiful. A nice walk down to coffeeshop and precious moments reading and meditating on the truths of God. Back home to Dani and then we were off for breakfast tacos! All the yummy tacos were devoured as is proper. Following that, errands and driving around city for us, or adventure times, as Dani and I like to say. Home once again, were we done? Of course not. A MKT walk was enjoyed in the fading evening sun and then one more grocery store errand before home again. Really this was not an efficient day. But does everything have to be about efficiency? Today was a beautiful day enjoying the small wonders that my God has granted me. I am ever so grateful and my heart is full.
Now? About to read some of the “Apostolic Fathers” and perhaps some Anne of Green Gables following. Chopin plays in the background. A candle flickers softly. Eventually dinner time shall be had. And Dani and I will look at each other and smile in most certain love.
Second Spring
Good morning friends! About to dive into the maelstrom of work and become reacquainted with all the projects that I had left behind (and hopefully discover that my unread emails are in the 3-digits and not 4-digits) but I can breathe deep now and thank my God for being with me no matter what storms befall me. Grateful for time this morning to sip on my coffee and read good true words and meditate on the God who died for me. I wish I had more time to chronicle all the doings in Florida these past days, but maybe later, we shall see. Ever so thankful to my God for all he has given to me. I sometimes don’t quite understand the mercies that have been shown me. I walk down that aisle with a bouquet of death, possibly not that attractive in my graveclothes. Yet I walk. Miraculously so. And then somehow my garments transfigured and my face shining, I approach my Lord. It is good to meditate on such thoughts as these. Each and every day presents its own challenges, its own trials and tribulations. Yet I live in the light of the glory that is being found in Christ. My heart strums in vibrant harmony with the song creation sings unceasing. Stars and seas lift up their voices and I cannot help but hum along.
Something Weird 