Lingering, my heart burns

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Don’t have time to write long this sleepy Monday morning…but wanted to log my latest read:

8.  The Eye of the World by Robert Jordan.  This is a book(and series!) that I haven’t read in a while…and by a while I mean probably at least three years?  But oh is it a classic.  One of my favourite(surely top five) fantasy series of all time and this is the book that kicks it all off.  I forgot how quick-paced it was – just a rollicking fantasy adventure…but so rich in detail – truly a finely woven masterpiece of a novel that also manages to introduce myriads of interesting, real characters.  And that’s probably part of the reason I love this series so much – as much as the world is a gorgeously coloured tour de force of imagination and the history is deeply layered and the prose is utterly delightful, the fact that the characters feel living and breathing is something that not many authors can manage to do, especially this many characters!  So yes, reading TEotW was a fun, magnificent experience…and now time for Book 2.  Will probably start that tonight!  As I finished this book last night, I realised how perfectly the ending opened the door to a wider world and invited you in…a grand adventure is ahead. 

Now, my friends, it is surely time for me to end this entry and begin(or at least attempt) my work this morn.  While I could attempt to describe my weekend and the fun times with friends that were had…that is unnecessary to chronicle and my fingers are not quite up to the task.

And so just know that my favourite part of this past weekend was surely Friday night…drinking my tea and reading more of David Brainerd while basketball played on in the background(Syracuse v. TCU was not really that exciting to be honest…).  As much as it is good and enjoyable to have entertaining nights with friends, sometimes it is better to sit with a mug of hot tea and a comforting book.  Thus I declare.  And the fact that this book is also convicting and awe-inspiring and magnificent in the description of a man who was known by God and used by God and loved by God…all the better.  My heart is encouraged.  Despite the ease at which we fall into complacency, may our souls long for that greater joy that comes from thinking on the things of our God.

Éponine

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Read some of my favourite verses this morning…

For we know in part and we prophesy in part;
but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.
When I was a child, I used to
think like a child, reason like a child;
when I became a man, I did away with childish things.

For now we see in a mirror dimly,
but then face to face;
now I know in part,
but then I will know fully
just as I also have been fully known.
-1 Corinthians 13:9-12

I would like to dwell on the following phrases this day.  Firstly, “…but when the perfect comes…”  What a sublime few words, what a gorgeous sigh of hope.  Someday.  Secondly…”…for now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face…”  Oh so true is it that our eyes can scarcely pierce the hollow lies of this dark and weary world.  There is a Truth about this world and though sometimes we glimpse it and though sometimes we may reach for it, our reaching is fumbling with our eyes half-closed.  There is a light glorious though and that light beckons true.  Someday our knowledge of the Truth will not be as though seen through shifting waters.  No, someday our knowledge of the Truth will be complete and full and perfect because we shall see that Truth face to face.  To bow at the feet of my Lord Jesus Christ.  Someday.  And “…just as I also have been fully known.”  Now our knowledge is partial and wavering and oh so frail at times.  Yet now – even now – we are completely and utterly known.  Our souls are not lost in the void and despite the devils’ siren call to blissful nothingness, we can with confidence state that we are loved by the One who knows our name.  Is it better to be self-determinedly lost and not yet found?  I say no, I say never.  Never again.  We have a higher hope, a sweeter faith, a most perfect love.  After all, we are fully known.

Caemlyn

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It is still beautiful outside…!  (Of course, right now it is also dark outside, but that is no matter)  Last night was perfectly gorgeous.  I was previously pondering on going to see Wrinkle in Time in cinema because it is truly one of my favourite books of all time and a chance to see a proper adaptation on the big screen was most tempting.  But…the early reviews are…not promising.  Even so – I figured I could grab a 4:50 showing after work and at least give it a whirl.  But walking out to my car quickly convinced me otherwise as the afternoon was most perfect mix of sunshine and blue sky.  So…I could go sit in a dark movie theatre by myself…or I could not do that thing.  So I instead chose to go home, knock out a quick work-out…then walk down to EQ in the simply *glorious* late afternoon light.  Read for a while on EQ’s porch and enjoyed the fine spring evening that I’d been blessed with.  It’s not yet too hot or humid…and the dazzingly brilliant cerulean sky and the sunlight upon my book and the green – so much green! – fresh growth everywhere around me convinced me I’d made the right decision.  Not too many days come around like this one, especially in Houston, mm?  And so my heart swelled near to bursting at the beauty of it all.  A good night.

And now…’tis another morning and I must work.  Peace and love, one and all.

Gleeman

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So today I am…once again…but for the first time in a while…sitting at Starbucks here in Houston.  And as I let my mocha americano slightly cool so I can drink it without burning myself, I’m pondering on what to write here and as I think, I believe this will be a bit of a musical entry.  I realize I haven’t posted any of my most recent mixes(the horror!), and so I shall at least chronicle one of them this day(will save others for later on).  This is one of the mixes I did pre-Christmas, both for myself and to give a copy to Laura and Caisson!  I quite enjoy this one even though it’s quite an odd mix of alt and folk and…pop?  It makes me happy, even though it is maybe one of my most melancholy mixes yet.  If you listen to it, you’ll notice the “turn” or the “upward, boundless gaze of the heart” doesn’t come until…the last minute of the last song?  That is a rather late turn by my standards, but oh is it beautiful.  In my mind, this is a beautiful mix to play when it is grey and wet and dreary outside…bare branches waving in the wind and heart swooping to follow.  I should stop trying to describe it but merely post the tracklist.  Do be aware – it is named after one of the Ainur from the Silmarillion – the angelic being who weeps for grief and cries for mercy, even for the very foulest evildoers.  Enough dawdling pretense.  Allow me to present…The Tears of Nienna:

1. Kitchen Door – Wolf Larsen
2. Hunnie Pie – Zella Day
3. Forget About Life – Alvvays
4. Grazed Knees – Snow Patrol
5. Soon – Big Little Lions
6. Where Did You Come From – Andrew & Veda
7. Top of the Stairs – Scott Mulvahill
8. Modern Nature – Sondre Lerche
9. I Don’t Know – Benjamin Gibbard
10. Vito’s Ordination Song – Sufjan Stevens
11. Promise – Ben Howard
12. If I Go, I’m Goin’ – Gregory Alan Isakov
13. Upward Over the Mountain – Iron & Wine
14. This is What Makes Us Girls – Lana Del Rey
15. New Year’s Day – Taylor Swift
16. Day Breaks – Norah Jones
17. Liability – Lorde
18. Go Home – Julien Baker

And there you go.  Random eh?  I’m actually quite happy with it.

Now you may think I’m done with my musical talk for today but it is not to be.  I’ve spent the last hour(!!) or so updating my music metrics spreadsheet(by the way, this is my engineering side coming out…yes, I’ve made a spreadsheet to compile my music taste.  Delightfully nerdy, I know!!).  It took me a lot longer to update the artist/album counts…mostly because I didn’t realize how many mixes I’d made in 2017.  Seven!  Shockingly high count by my standards but it makes me happy too since I do like doing it.  At some point when I have more time, I may detail out some interesting(maybe) facts about my music listening…but for now, I’ll give the top nine artists on my list(for period 2015-2017, inclusive).  We have:

1. Green Day (12 tracks!)
2. Lorde (10)
3. Oh Hello’s (9)
4. The Postal Service (8)
5. Needtobreathe (7)
6. Seryn (7)
7. Switchfoot (7)
8. The Dø (7)
9. Zella Day (7)

I feel that Green Day is cheating just a bit, since I had one playlist last year(Lost and Not Yet Found) that had nine of their songs, which is practically a best-of and thus shouldn’t count…but hey, I’ll count them anyway. I do (somewhat guiltily!) love Green Day, so it’s not misleading.  The rest of the list makes sense…no big surprises.  I still have somewhat random taste, per usual.

My newest mix, which is still in my car – Never Again Sighs the Dawn – I’m still not totally sure if it’s going to be the final mix or not.  I like it…but wow, the flow is quite quirky.  (Even by my standards!!)  And it breaks some new ground in regards to country music…which may surprise a few people here and there.  Anyways, once I do finalize it I’ll eventually post tracklist here.  Eventually.  Next one I post here will be my dance CD from Christmas last year – one which Laura at least said she much enjoyed – yay!!

Ok – now I have sat here at Starbucks far too long and I really should probably get moving.  I have only talked about music today…shocking!!!  Ah well – ’tis fun to write about.  Now must get on to the rest of my day…be well my friends – go in the grace of our Lord!!!

Coffee and the Tea

James HoganLeave a comment

Good morning friends, and happy Thursday!!  A brief few words…

I’ve much enjoyed this morning – sub-fifty temperatures for (maybe?) the last time this year.  Oh how I love a good cold morning!!  Now sitting here at my desk with a nice cup of black coffee(honey-sweetened, of course) and since my heart is full, I suppose I thought it was a good idea to write at least a little bit, before my day heats up drastically.

This morning as I was slowly waking up, I had the half-conscious thought/prayer, “Lord I am trying so hard”.  Don’t ask me what it was in relation to – in total honesty, I can’t quite remember – only I know that it’s a sigh of the heart that I often have – do you not sometimes pray and not even know what you’re praying?  Anyways immediately some words came to mind that much encouraged me – “It is not the man who wills or the man who runs, but the Lord who has mercy.”  That stunned me – because again I was sorta half asleep at the time – and I felt much blessed that God should grant me these words from my past reading of the Word.  I couldn’t quite remember the reference at first(first I thought it was Isaiah…then Romans.  Had to be somewhere in my recent reading, right?), but eventually(i.e., right now) I looked this up and found it is indeed Romans 9:16, which I read sometime in the past week or so.  Anyways – I say all this not to prop myself up, for surely that goes against the very spirit and words of that verse, but just to remark upon the graciousness of God and to encourage you all to make reading the Word a priority.  How much of a blessing was it for my self-centered, erroneous words of prayer to be immediately corrected and for myself to be much uplifted by these words of Scripture.  Truly a work of the Holy Spirit.  All praise be to God!!  My human effort and vain attempts at justifying myself are as nothing.  Dust in the wind.  Yet the grace and merciful lovingkindness of the Lord is sufficient for me.  For me!  Think on the wondrous mercy and love of our Lord.  Behold our God!

And a few brief more verses that are some of my very favourites that I do not think on often enough:

When my heart was embittered and I was pierced within,
then I was senseless and ignorant; I was like a beast before You.
Nevertheless I am continually with You;
You have taken hold of my right hand.
With Your counsel You will guide me,
and afterward receive me to glory.

Whom have I in heaven but You?
And beside You, I desire nothing on earth.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

For, behold, those who are far from You will perish;
You have destroyed all those who are unfaithful to You.
But as for me, the nearness of God is my good;
I have made the Lord GOD my refuge,
that I may tell of all Your works.
-Psalm 73:21-28

Never Again Sighs the Dawn

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Monday morning here…hello friends!!  A quick few words.

Firstly…this is my 900th post here on livejournal.  I suppose that’s not too momentous and really only matters to me, but I wanted to make it known.  When will I get to 1000 I wonder…

Secondly…another book I need to log – even though I feel it’s cheating a bit since I really read most of it last year and then stopped reading it for about…9 months!?  Finally picked it up the other night and finished the last few chapters.

7. Alexander Hamilton by Ron Chernow.  Maryanne gave me this for Christmas of 2016 I believe, so quite a ways back now!  I do so love biographies even though I typically focus on Christian ones.  This was still quite good – got such a good glimpse into the historical details of the Revolutionary War period – and finding out more about Hamilton was indeed so fascinating!!  Of course this book has now become super popularized because of the musical(which YES is amazing if you haven’t heard it yet!!), but the book deserves praise on its own merit.  An extremely fun and easy read – I would definitely recommend to anyone who likes history and reading about interesting individuals.  (And no excuses for me taking over a year to actually read this)

Thirdly…last night I went to bed far later than I should have.  Two reasons for this.  I for some reason felt in the mood to throw together a playlist of a lot of my most recent songs I’ve acquired(via John or my random youtube listening)…and then I realized I actually had enough for another CD and so I put them on a playlist and had to listen through to see what stuck.  While I was doing that…I started my next book – a re-read of a series that will probably take a while but it is one of my very very favourites.  The Eye of the World by Robert Jordan.  I forgot how good this book is.  I got sucked into the world of Rand al’Thor and the village of Emond’s Field…and before I knew it, I had enjoyed listening to a fantastic playlist(CD of which now sits in my car!  It might be terrible though because it’s been vetted much less thoroughly than I usually do…) and read far too many chapters of EotW.  Ah well.  It was a pleasant Sunday night…I could have done far worse than had a night reading a good book while listening to lovely music…

Fourthly…I am consequently very sleepy today.  All hail peppermint mocha and much espresso therein!

Peace and love.

A New Hope

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“It will come about in that day that I will respond,”
declares the Lord.
“I will respond to the heavens,
and they will respond to the earth,
and the earth will respond to the grain, to the new wine and to the oil
and they will respond to Jezreel.
I will sow her for Myself in the land.
I will also have compassion on
her who had not obtained compassion,
and I will say to those who were not My people,
‘You are my people!’
and they will say,
‘You are my God!'”

-Hosea 2:21-23

Your Palms

James HoganLeave a comment

Happy Friday friends!!  Quick few words before work begins.  (Wanted to write more but sadly time does not allow!)  Firstly, need to log my latest read…(which you’ll probably not be surprised at if you’ve read any of my entries lately)

6.  The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien.  This book is one of my very favourites.  And I typically like to re-read every few years…but this past re-read was after a little longer gap than most, mainly because of my nostalgia for the last re-read, which was in Aberdeen(in which this was my “garden read” whenever it was sunny outside!)  So although I wanted to hold onto that Scotland memory, I could eventually wait no longer and started this book anew in the latter part of last year.  Every time I read it, I do kind of wonder if I’m going to still have the same love for it…and every time I am reminded of my why I love it so.  A book that is gorgeous and full of pathos and hits me in the inner parts of my soul.  If I could write half as well(nay, a quarter!) as Tolkien, I would be thrilled.  Alas!  But reading this again, new passages continue to thrill me and I fall in love with Middle Earth and all my favourite characters all over again.  I must confess, I didn’t read the appendices, but I don’t think I have to read those to count this book as read, right??  (Although – I did read a little bit of one appendix…after finishing the last chapter last night, I read the story of Aragorn and Arwen Undómiel.  What love!)  So I have written many words but little substance, so to conclude this I will just say that this book remains unparalleled amongst fiction – so beautifully does it rhyme with my soul and present glimpses of that more perfect Truth.

And now – the sand runs swift through the glass, yet I will press on a bit longer.  Today I was blessed with a special gift…waking up extra early and actually being able to stay awake long enough to enjoy a gorgeously long coffee and reading morning.  Fresh-ground coffee and wonderful words to be read and a few special moments with my God.  What can compare?  So I had over an hour to read and so I got to read a bit of David Brainerd’s diary, then Psalms 9-10, Proverbs 2 and Daniel 10-12(gorgeous chapters…love what Daniel is told at the end…terrible paraphrase: “Keep on keeping on…until you die and then someday at the end of all things you will rise anew – gloriously, wondrously!”  Oh that I were a man who might also be called “one who is greatly esteemed” by my Lord) and also Romans 8.  Sometimes I struggle to make it all the way through Romans 8…but today I had the time to luxuriously read through the entire chapter.  Still – that first verse was almost too much for me and I can still barely grasp its magnitude –Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  Bliss.  And…who will separate us from the love of Christ?

Might my heart always burn so hotly for the love of my Lord.

The Steward and the King

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‘Then you think that the Darkness is coming?’ said Éowyn.
‘Darkness Unescapable?’ And suddenly she drew close to him.
‘No,’ said Faramir, looking into her face.
‘It was but a picture in my mind.
I do not know what is happening.
The reason of my waking mind tells me
that great evil has befallen
and we stand at the end of days.
But my heart says nay; and all my limbs are light,
and a hope and joy are come to me that no reason can deny.
Éowyn, Éowyn, White Lady of Rohan,
in this hour I do not believe that any darkness will endure!’
And he stooped and kissed her brow.

And so they stood on the walls of the City of Gondor,
and a great wind rose and blew,
and their hair, raven and golden,
streamed out mingling in the air.
And the Shadow departed,
and the Sun was unveiled,
and light leaped forth;
and the waters of Anduin shone like silver,
and in all the houses of the City men sang
for the joy that welled up in their hearts
from what source they could not tell.

-Tolkien, LotR, p962

Smeared Black Ink

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So it is the exact midpoint of the week.  Wednesday at noon and while I should be beginning my lunch (cheese sandwiches – don’t judge!), I somehow feel like writing a few words instead.  So I shall do that.  Only a very few words though since I am hungry!  Today read a number of passages in my coffee time, but the words that struck me the most came from Romans 5…the first few verses.  And since they so powerfully rocked me, I shall quote them here:

Therefore, having been justified by faith,
we have peace with God
through our Lord Jesus Christ,
through whom also we have obtained
our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand;
and we exult in hope of the glory of God.

And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations,
knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance;
and perseverance, proven character;
and proven character, hope;
and hope does not disappoint,
because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts
through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

That’s Romans 5:1-5.  And truly, reading those words…does that not stir your soul?  Each line more thrilling than the last – a whirlwind of love and glory, a symphony of hope and awe.  I shan’t talk about all these words as my time and abilities don’t stretch that far….but look at that first line: “Therefore, having been justified by faith.”  This is the bedrock of our salvation – and rather than something as grand and magnificent as some great work that we have done…we have been justified(i.e., had righteousness credited to us) because of our faith alone.  Simply confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead and ye shall be saved.  (And at this point I must mention before I forget…that these words in Romans 5 really must be read with the understanding and context of the first four chapters of Romans.  In which, briefly – our sin and utter damning lack of holiness before God demands a response.  There is no one righteous, not even one. And nothing we do in and of ourselves can atone for our sins or is something we can boast in.  The wages of sin is death.  All we can do as we consider our great and overpowering sin before the face of a holy God is…tremble.  And fall flat on our faces before the Almighty.  And wail and weep.  And yet.  There is an Answer.  There is a Hope.  And that Hope is Jesus Christ, in whom is our redemption and our salvation).

Ahem.  So…in returning to my point, we are justified by faith.  How marvelous is that?  Simple, precious, beautiful faith – believing and trusting in God and understanding that He is able and willing and desirous to save us from our sins(from ourselves!).  And that next line…because of our faith, we have peace with God.  How can we possibly react to this.  We – who are dirty and vile and impure and rotten and dark and lost – have peace with God.  The Creator of the universe and the Most Holy One who sits in the heavens.  We have peace with this God.  We should tremble in awe and adoration at these words – how can it be that our God shouldst grant us this peace?  And one more line…this peace is through our Lord Jesus Christ – of course! – because of what He has done for us.  Our God – died – for – us.  So we now stand, not sit or kneel or even flat on our faces as wouldst be appropriate.  We stand in the grace of God.  And our response?  We sing and dance and praise – we exult in hope of the glory of God, for that is from whence all our joy should spring – that God is glorified in all these wondrous things!

And…funnily enough, this passage continues.  You would think it would be a perfect spot to end – exulting in hope of the glory of God, right?  Wrong.  …we exult in our tribulations. Hm, that’s weird.  Tribulations?  Sounds terrible and not at all appropriate to be part of an uplifting and self-affirming passage as this right?  (Well, there’s your first mistake – this is most definitely not a self-affirming passage!!  If you think that’s the purpose of reading Scripture – to uplift and affirm yourself – you are gravely mistaken).  Anyways.  Our tribulations result in perseverance, proven character…and hope.  So next time you encounter tribulations(perhaps later this afternoon?), rejoice.  And seek that perseverance, proven character and hope that is promised here – for truly, this is a promise from God.  What is God teaching you through your tribulations?  Trust in Him, lean on Him and surely you will rejoice as God honours your acknowledgement of Him alone as the sole Sustainer of your soul.

And now that my appetite begs me to eat lunch…how can I end this?  Simply by reminding you that if and as you are a child of God because of your faith in Him then the Holy Spirit has been given to you.  This is true!  And what a miracle – we have God in us.  We have a Comforter with us at all times.  And because of this Spirit, the love of God has been poured out within our hearts.  Let me repeat – the love of God has been poured out within our hearts.  Does that even make sense to you?  It takes me aback.  I question it.  I wonder.  I certainly don’t always feel that.  Yet.  It is true.  As children of God, we have been abundantly and staggeringly blessed with the love of God Himself.  Consider that as you go throughout your day.  Next time you’re tempted to complain or fear or snap…pause.  The love of God has been poured out within your heart.  Stunningly beautiful words.  Meditate on them.  What cause have we for grief and sorrow in the face of such an overwhelming jewel of light and beauty as this?  The love of God has been poured out within your heart.  Remember.