Beach House

It is a wonderful evening to write a few words of thoughts and even praises, although I do not think my mind quite capable of the task. It is common at the end of a finespun weekend to attempt to chronicle the threads that led one to where one now so at peace sits and in glory hums. Yet sometimes the process of telling over one’s own story with all the subtlety of snapping scissors can tend to detract from the beauty of the whole. So why not let my mind sit in graven anticipation of homeward calling, no matter how far from now that time may be. Why not says he? And so let me leap up and carefully procure a candle never used and prepare the wick for the flame. In silence I wait and in silence I muse over one thing over and over. And occasionally might I in silence ponder of that far off land and of the name that gives me a shiver and sets a spark in my frame. So why not let my heart dwell in eager imagination of homeward sailing, no matter how far from now that time may be. Why not says he?

To the Back of the Moon

What do you say when a certain someone asks you
to walk down this forest path side by side
for me I look at her and simply smile
and hold out my hand one more time
for in this moment that the sun trickles down
through the springtime fervor
of the trees that mighty roar with life
I cannot hide it
nor deny it
but simply in this moment drink deep and
in the arms of love abide
for i still yet cannot stop shivering
in breathless anticipation
clad in white robes breathing deep of pine

Tower of the Moon

Quick book thoughts this Monday morn.

25. How Long, O Lord? by D.A. Carson. A superbly brilliant book on evil and suffering. Carson looks at a topic that is not an easy one and with a pastoral heart and incisive mind attempts to put forth a Christian framework for understanding the horrors we daily see around us in this world in which we live. I would argue that Carson succeeds and my heart was very much encouraged reading this one. This is one of the biggest problems many people have with the idea of God or of Christianity. If there is a God that is so loving, then why evil? Then why suffering? Then why so many horrible things do I see on the news each and every day? Carson does not diminish or downplay the evils we see in this world, if anything, some of the examples he gives of severe suffering and loss are almost too much to read. Yet Carson also very much wants to look at this hard topic from a Biblical perspective and explore what the Bible has to say about suffering and evil but most importantly of all, what does the Bible say about the God who is in the midst of us, even now sustaining and holding this world together through his sovereign power. Does the presence of God in this world mean he smiles upon the darkness that swirls over the face of it? May it never be. Does the presence of evil upon the world that God has made mean God is incapable of holding it back? May it never be. Does this impinge upon the nature of God and the love that we so rightly ascribe to Him? Absolutely not.

This book is one that I shall revisit. Carson does not write this book as a balm or aid for those currently going through suffering (a fact that he reiterates), but rather – he writes this book as a preventative, a book to aid the Christian in understanding the problem of evil and suffering and how the God we worship yet reigns, rules and loves us still. This book is written to give us a higher idea of God and yet still encourage us that we have a Father who cares for even the smallest concern we have. The author acknowledges and leans into the mysteries that we cannot now fully understand (if ever) and is so concerned to rightly place those mysteries, which he locates in the very nature of God which our limited minds cannot fully grasp. The author is very much concerned that we not assign to God that which is not assigned to Him in Scripture and he is very much concerned that we do not contradict that about God which is fully asserted in Scripture. I very much appreciate Carson’s reliance and leaning into the Scriptural text and how it informs us of the God who is.

This is not a book written for those who do not know and love God, though I think it would be an interesting book for a non-Christian to read as it gives an insight into the Christian perspective on evil and suffering and how we as Christians grapple with such. For myself, I found myself profoundly encouraged by this one and seek to use it as Carson intended, strengthening and buttressing my understanding of this topic so that even as I go through trials and tribulations in my life yet to come, I will have a Biblical understanding of suffering and the God who is yet present. The chapter on Job alone was worth the price of admission. Very grateful for authors who write with such clarity of thought yet also such an overflow of empathy and compassion, even seeking to show us how we can best be with those who are suffering even now. It is rare to find such a balance. I cannot recommend this one enough.

Rendezvous

he leaps down the embankment slipping
on the rain soaked grass
oh well the flowers catch him softly
and then up he springs and off again
for if he has a chance of being on time
he must across country run
if he doesn’t want to keep her waiting
and shamefacedly arrive ten past one
so up the other side and across the
train tracks and down the cobbled street
and then he spies the cafe and through the window
she sits and raises to her lips a cup of tea!
and underneath awning he slips through the heavy door
sits across from her in that antique upholstered chair
and though he’s out of breath
she’s smiling red cheeked herself
brown sparkling eyes laughing
face framed by windblown hair

Cinnamon Roll

Oh what a glorious day! A Sunday that now slowly winds to a close, I can look back now and simply sigh in contentment, thanking God for this day that he has made. Typically I do enjoy my Sundays but this was one for the books. Started off on a good note, as yesterday a cold front rolled through so instead of it being mid-80s this morning, was mid-50s! So of course when I woke up, could not resist going for a nice early morning walk. Well, kind of early. It was before 8 at least! Made a cup of coffee and then down the MKT trail I went. There were others out and about (bundled as appropriate for this early April chilly day) and though the sun was not quite shining, that was no matter. A beautiful walk.

And after? Well I shall not go into detail of all the things, but a lovely time at church was had – worshipping the Lord and celebrating the Lord’s supper with dear brothers and sisters in Christian fellowship. Afterwards me and Dani decided tacos were in order so yummy breakfast tacos were enjoyed and then we made our way home at long last…I shall not say what time to preserve our dignity. After my (annoyingly persistent) daily work call, we ventured forth once again – a nice 3 mile walk or so up the Boomtown way and then down and around to swing the MKT trail once again this fine evening. The light slowly starts to fade, yet still the spring flowers shine forth in glory. The jasmine is blooming full and the wildflowers along the trail nodded to us as we passed. The flowers were definitely showing their displeasure with the atypically cold weather for April, but I have confidence they shall recover.

Now what complaints can I have with this day? I got a lovely walk and oh so many quality conversations with Dani…on surely one of the finest days of the year. All the trees blazing forth in new sprung green and the cold air reminding us of the blood that runs hot in our cheeks as we feel the smile of God upon us. Now the meatballs are made and in the fridge awaiting cooking later to go with leftover peas and pasta. And I shall soon set aside this laptop and read a bit more as the candle flickers next to me and I see Dani across the way. But thank you for allowing me to indulge in a bit of journaling (been a while since I did that, no?) this lovely Sunday. It is good to remember and praise God for his manifold blessings. Every day they are present. Some days I do better at remembering from whence they come.

Understory

See back and forth swings this pendulum above this weary earth. I wish that I could write now of all the things I’ve dreamed yet for some reason – as seems common to most – my dreams are so hazy now that to write them would be fun for only one person – me. I see them still with my inner eye yet to put them to paper would just bore my readers. Is that not true? How often have you told your dream to friends and been oh so excited to share the mystical reality of your sleep state and yet their eyes glaze over for…well, for some reason dreams lose the power in the telling for the majority of their power is in the gauzy visuals which cannot easily be communicated in words. Most dreams, of course. Sometimes though, a dream is vivid enough and one’s command of language is enough to communicate in entirety the luscious richness of the realities of your mind as it trawls the depths of deep subconscious. This is rare though. I have never quite accomplished it, as much as I wish I could. Speaking of dreams. I oft wonder why it is that we so often dream the same dream again and again. Do we all have a dream unique to us yet somehow we are dense enough it must be repeated? Or is that just me? Or another question. Do you have a dream you remember from childhood, one that happened again and again and yet at some point it stopped and you now feel its absence and it makes you weep for nostalgic loss. Our minds are odd to be sure.

I remember a dream of long ago and though I can’t recall having it in oh so many years, its tracing is still fresh and I still feel the rhythm of its lilt in my mind. I am afraid to try and type the bones of this dream here for I fear it will dry up its verdant wonder, yet I will at least say a few words. This dream that haunted my childhood is one of beauty and motion, adventure and gratitude. Gratitude? Why do I use that word. It springs to my mind when I recall this dream, yet I do not know why. The dream itself is tinged in yellow. Yellow grass, the trees on the leaves tend towards yellow and even the air has a golden tint. The path that lies before me is of course made of dirt that seems less brown and more yellow. But though the predominant color of this dream is determined, the destination is not. In the dream my body is less a body and more a disembodied soul. I rush forward quickly and effortlessly, bouncing. There is such a feeling of bouncing and swaying and unstoppable forward momentum. Ever onward I go, along this path, seeing the yellowed grass bend and sway to my side as the trees laugh in my face as I cruise past. I cannot stop even if I wanted to. Onwards I go. I mentioned the leaves, I will mention again. They are yellow but not just a mass of yellow on the tree. Each leaf leaps forward distinctly, the veins bright brown atop the yellow backdrop. I see the leaves vividly even as I soar past. I suppose I don’t have legs, though if I do they must possess marvelous springs for I do bounce wonderfully. Ever on I go through this yellowed wood. There is perhaps a cabin ahead? At least that is the faint thought in my mind as I rush through this forest, but I do not see the cabin. I do hear the stream nearby and now and again catch a flash that must be the sun off the water. The sun’s light is yellow which I feel I must mention because it fits the theme, yet I cannot in honesty say I noticed the sun in this dream. I only look straight in front of me, all else is peripheral. Onward I go. Why is the light so yellow, why is the air so silent? It is a beautiful dream and though I cannot quite tell you why, I can in confidence say that. It is a beautiful dream.

I do not think I have quite captured the beauty of this dream, which hopefully my hints early on in this essay prepared you for. Alas. I suppose I have only my own lacking literary talent to blame. But I am also secretly happy – selfishly so, of course. This dream will forever be mine. It will not be shared and so diluted. The nostalgic spark that flares within me shall not die. I feel joy as I roll this dream around inside my head. But oh! How I wish I could share the beauty now. Beauty unshared tends to turn a little cold, does it not? I have changed my mind. I wish you could see what I see. I wish you could feel what I feel. I wish the truths that spring to my mind unbidden could also flame into life in your very soul. Maybe that is possible. Maybe you will also dream of spring. Tell me if you do. Or if your mind seems to be too much dry tinder and not enough bright fire, tell me that too. We must meet up over a coffee and discuss. We shall discuss the dying thoughts of winter and the yearnings of the west they stir up. And then yes. We shall talk of spring.

Espresso Thoughts

Early in the morning I sit here in the office about to plunge into the cold deep pool that is my daily work. Bracing it may be, yet there is no point in putting it off much longer. But as is my wont on a Tuesday morning, I thought of writing a few words of my morning meditation here even without much time to think or craft. I think I just wanted to state how wonderful it is that even with a 30-ish minute commute, I’m blessed to be able to use that time to listen to solid sermons and muse on the Word of God. Often does my poetry well up from such deep springs, even if the words I write are far too shallow to reflect properly these truths that stir my heart so. Ah but it is good to be loved by God, is it not? Even when our heart does not always respond with as much vigor as we would like, those of us who rest in the salvation bought by Christ can rejoice nonetheless in confident faith that we are beloved children loved by our Father. Oh Lord – be near me this day, I pray! Think that the love that the Father has for Jesus is the same love he has for us. Is that not marvelous? Is that not almost too good to be true? Yet it is true! I look now to that far shore and my heart leaps. Soon I shall know fully what now I know only in part. But if this love I know in part is enough to thrill my soul, what will my heart sing then?