Tag: writing

Swamplands

James HoganLeave a comment

So don’t have a lot of time for a yummy long update now…so you will just have to settle for me showing my face! And yes, I am now back in Scotland after a brief(but supremely wonderful!) couple weeks in Tampa. Got to see so many people that I’ve missed so much my joy cannot be fully expressed. And now as I roll away from Starbucks and walk home on this sleepy rainy day in Aberdeen…

Nameless fear and graceless fall,
hear and bow down, sinners all:

In the Presence, at your altar,
all my weakness praises You.

My spirit sings at Your name
and my eyes shine in Your glory
and my heart is full of wonder
at the sight of Your face.
My spirit weeps in love.
My purpose found.
I am with Thee.
Forever and always.

Tea and a pen in hand

James HoganLeave a comment

And a lovely Thursday night to you all!! It’s approaching the time when I should be going to bed…but no, writing a bit would be *far* more fun! Tonight is the first night I’ve had by myself in quite some time…and that’s not a bad thing, but a little rest and relaxation is most definitely appreciated!! And so you may be wondering what I’ve been up to these past few days…but before I get to that, time for a little announcement. I have my USA return date…April 4th it will be! And sadly there won’t be any time to visit Florida, but I WILL have an approximately six hour layover in Houston! So any of you in Houston that have a few spare hours that day…just saying. Oh and wait a second. I never mentioned where I’m going, did I? Well, Oklahoma City it is! At least…for a few months. Apparently on May 2nd I’ll be receiving word on where my more “permanent” assignment is. But it’s a bit odd…a few months ago I was thinking that I was definitely looking forward to being back in the States…but now that I have my departure date, I feel strangely sad. Or maybe not so strange! Just thinking about leaving Aberdeen now…and not leaving the city, really, but the people. I mean, sure – I’ll miss the sweet narrow streets of Aberdeen embracing me close and the way the sun sets through the perfectly blue northern sky and the chill air’s touch on my cheek and the twinkling of the morning star as I drive in to work…and being reminded every time I step outdoors of the beauty of the earth that the LORD has made…but that is not all. And see, I’m trying to postpone my sorrow at leaving by not writing about what I’ll miss the most. I’ll miss the friends that the Lord my God has given me here…the church so providentially placed before me…the late nights and the early mornings and the coffee conversations and the cinema moments and the wonder and joy at sharing my life with such dear friends…Aiysha in her many distracting ways(I’m pretty confident in saying that we’ve had some pretty radically awesome conversations..)…Steven in his total awesomeness(we may have far too much fun together, but is that a bad thing, hm??? Oh God’s blessed me with his friendship)…Anna in her sweet intensity and joy(oh but we have a glorious time discussing the goodness of the Lord together….that He would bless such fallen ones as us!!)..and well…I could keep going, but it would take a while to get through everyone! Just know this – God is good. And He has blessed me exceedingly. As always. And then…well my church. Gilc is a place filled with people longing to glorify God and teaching the Word and reaching out to Aberdeen around…and it is beautiful. A place where the truth is preached mightily(went through the first half of Jeremiah 7 last Sunday evening. Yeah. That was a bit intense…Jeremiah was told to stop praying for the people…because God would not hear him, for His people had abandoned Him for that which does not save and for gods which do not move and for things which do not satisfy. And so the God of the universe prepares His wrath. Although his patience is exceedingly great, it will not last forever. And..yeah). A place where our glorious Jesus Christ is exalted.

And new paragraph time, neh? Because I did intend for this to be an actual update of what I’ve been up to lately…and I’ve failed miserably at that and instead turned it into random musings! But, I should stop thinking about leaving Aberdeen, since I have a good month and a half before I have to go! And that time will be spent glorifying the Lord, I so declare. And enjoying His goodness!

And now I have very little energy left for writing(or rather, little desire…since my writing muse has been used up on the previous! And my emotions are spent…), so it appears that the afore promised update will be a bit…er, short. ANYWAYS. Last Friday night, went down with some of the guys to Arbroath, where we were having our Gilc Young Adult Weekend Away trip, huzzah!! We started off having a good dinner together(must have been about 30-40 of us? I’m rubbish with estimating head counts) and then playing some intense challenge-type games. We were all in teams and each competed in separate tasks. Mine was to roll marbles across a table trying to catch the sticky tape at the end. Yeah. It’s harder than it sounds. Anyway, my team fell behind quickly, but came back to make it 3rd(out of 8 teams). Good show. And after that, a few of us stayed up for a while talking and chilling…

Next day, I meant to get up early! Alas, this did not happen, but made it down to the dining room for breakfast(the food all week was ridiculously good. Seriously. For Sunday dinner we had roast beef, potatoes, vegetables, Yorkshire puddings…cobbler…ice cream…and that was just one meal) and then later saw Steven and Anna! They couldn’t come the night before because of work so was most glad to see them arrive. We then had our first seminar…and to save time, I’ll try not to give you a blow-by-blow account of his teaching, but it was a most encouraging and exhorting time of realizing how important theology is to our walk with Christ(a good theology is critical in three areas…our sanctification, our service towards others, and our worship – yeah, that pretty much covers everything). Later that day, a bunch of us went on a walk along the coast of the North Sea…and oh it was beautiful. I can’t really describe it…other than to say that looking at the sea lap up to the cliffs below our feet as the clouds descended upon the distant horizon in splendor…I could have spent all afternoon sitting on the edge of the cliffs watching the sea(me and Steven climbed down to the edge to the great chagrin of some of the girls there…) but alas, I was with a group and so had to rejoin the party soon enough..

And walking back along the coast as the sun began to set and making sweet conversation with Anna, praying mightily and rejoicing in the goodness of the Lord. That’s a pretty good afternoon, no? After getting back to the conference center, Anna owned me in ping-pong(yes, I will admit it. 21-14, 21-18 I believe. Ow) That evening was more fun times engaging in costume hilarity(the theme was “Farm”. I was wearing my Iowa Hawkeye jersey shirt. Get it? Iowa? Farm? Yes? Yes) and more games. Stayed up late again…got some pool in and more talking. The next Sunday morning was our last breakfast together…then worship service time! And finally we all had to make our way home. If you’ll notice, I accelerated near the end there, but be assured that there was much more awesomeness than I’m revealing here!!

And now we come to Sunday afternoon, where we got back home to Aberdeen about 4pm or so. Made it to Gilc for evening service(for the aforementioned Jeremiah sermon of sobering intensity) and rejoicing with my fellow brothers and sisters(sidenote – read Psalm 130 that morning..sang it in the evening…oh God is awesome!)…and then me and Aiysha hung out for a bit(first time we’d seen each other in ages!!). The next day I was quite exhausted(work was tough, I’ll admit. My body cried for sleep). But Monday night did I sleep? Of course not!! When do I ever listen to my body, anyway? Steven came over for some Unit-watching action(Unit = an amazingly awesome special ops Army squad show. How did I miss out on this one??). Steven has the German version but thankfully we’re able to hear it in English. Anyways, we finished Season 1 on Monday and started in on Season 2, all the while enjoying some classic chicken caesar salad action…

So Tuesday night did I go to bed early? Of course not, once again! I think I mentioned this in my previous entry, but me and Aiysha hit up the cinema that night. Wednesday night was my weekly Starbucks dinner night(and by dinner I mean coffee. Shhh) and then worship/study/prayer at Gilc! We went over Romans 8:22-39. Just saying, Romans 8-11(particularly 8) have been some of my favorite chapters EVER these past few months(one of these days I’ll have to actually write up a mini-essay on that chapter..)…and so yet again, my Father continues to bless me. It was a glorious night.

And tonight? I rest. Can I write more? I can. Should I write more? Hm…if I actually want sleep, maybe not! Do you all want me to write more?? (No answer required)

But as I sip my mint chocolate tea and ponder on my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ…I can’t help but give glory. And I think I shall do a bit more of that in the privacy of my own head apart from this coldly glaring computer screen.

Love y’all.

Raging starfire

James HoganLeave a comment

So, at work a bit early this morning…despite the continued onslaught of snow against my fair city of Aberdeen! I woke up this morning and looked outside to see that not too much snow had fallen during the night. Relieved, I went to make my coffee and sandwiches and then sat down and read for a while. Before I left my flat, I looked outside again…to see it snowing furiously outside, with an additional few inches of snow on the ground!! Knowing that every second I delayed inside would mean more snow on the roads, I hurried outside to my car, quickly warming it up and scraping it off before undertaking the treacherous six mile journey in to work(which took an hour last night, ugh). You may ask why I’d drive to work in the snow, with a very reasonable probability of not being able to get back home tonight? Well honestly, I don’t know either. But driving convoy style on the dual carriageway(er, that’d be highway for us Americans), we all made it through the snow safely, each of us following through the tire tracks of the car before. And by the way, Rhapsody of Fire is pretty much the most intensely awesome music to listen to while driving through the snow, just saying. “The embrace of ice and snow could stop the bravest warrior, but the thirst for justice still and more will warm our soul.” What now?!! Finally made it in to work just to find that the lights were off in our Drilling office…yes, I was the first one in. That did give me just a bit of pride at first, being the Floridian and all in the land of Scotland, before I realized it might just mean that I was the only one silly enough daring to brave the snow. I’ve sat here for a while now, sipping my hazelnut-tinged coffee(props to Deanna for bringing over wondrous proper American coffee creamer from the States!!! You will be my bestest friend forever and ever for that, Deanna. Mmmmmm…and now you all know the way to my heart. Oops) and writing this snow filled entry.

And now, there are actually people in the office besides me and it’s about time for work to begin. Have a lovely day!! Hopefully there’s far less snow wherever you all are at..

Oh and I really will end this entry after this sentence, but Romans 8 is awesome, y’all; you should read it right now, that’s how awesome it is(I have been abundantly reminded of the glorious love of God our Father and of Jesus Christ our Saviour and of the Spirit our Comforter these past few days through this chapter) and I would be negligent indeed to not point you all to such an amazing wealth of words and storehouse of grace and fountain of truth that is contained therein.

Across the ocean

James HoganLeave a comment

Alright, I was going to post a long, EPIC entry, but alas, I took too long eating lunch and now lunch is about over and I need to work. But I still must at least write something! Hopefully the quality makes up for the quantity. Actually, it probably won’t, but shh. And now that I’m done talking about why I’m not writing more(and thus wasting precious time that I could have written a longer entry!), I shall just say a few words…

Firstly, Deanna is in town! What!!! Yes, you heard that right – Deanna’s in Aberdeen as of last night and that is just so much awesome, y’all. She’s staying with a family here in the church(Eleanor’s parents) currently and today she’s recovering from her flight adventure yesterday(which included a 4 hour “visit” with immigration officials. Ugh) and exploring around Aberdeen while I work. But tonight, going to go downtown and celebrate Rosemary’s birthday(hurrah!!) and then tomorrow, we go up to Inverness! As long as we don’t get blizzard-ed in the face, that is. We’ll spend a night in Inverness(of course exploring Loch Ness while we’re at it) and then taking the train down to Edinburgh on Friday(again, God willing) and spending a couple days there! It shall be sweet and epic and awesome and fantastically fabulous and perfectly lovely, I so declare.

Of course, I’m also a little exhuasted right now, because while I told myself ahead of time I’d get lots of sleep over the weekend in preparation for impending Deanna-visit, did I? Of course not. Instead I had a gorgeous weekend hanging out with people and enjoying amazingly encouraging and refreshing times at church and shopping(the worst part of the weekend!) and seeing random movies and staying up FAR too late every night and not getting any sleep at all(most of this is your fault, Aiysha!). But…what do I always say? Sleep is unnecessary.

And now it’s work time(for the last time until next Monday!) and then it’s epic Scotland with Deanna Adventure time! Peace out, y’all!!

Honey in the tea

James HoganLeave a comment

Ok, well remember my last entry how I said how I loved the snow, but was sure I’d get sick of it someday? Well, that may not have been yesterday. But it IS THIS DAY. I want it to GO AWAY right now. And actually it is quite lovely outside, now that I’m inside my nice warm cozy flat! Had a lovely Thanksgiving dinner(YES) at Rosemary’s tonight – me and Uche picked up Aiysha on the way…after being quite lost, finally made it to Rosemary’s – mmm, delicious roast turkey and potatoes and vegetables and yorkshire puddings and stuffing(made by yours truly)….oh yes. But, as always, the best part was just chilling with good friends and talking and talking and talking…

Of course eventually we had to go home. But upon walking out of Rosemary’s flat, we found out that it was snowing. A LOT. Our car already had about 3-4 inches piled on it. Yeah. After warming up the car, we made our way slowly down the road…successfully dropping off Aiysha before we got to very treacherous grounds. Cars were stopped and we were stuck and it was not nice at all. Some awesome guys helped Uche push our car a ways and another cool guy shoveled out the snow that was accumulating in front of my tires. My nice little Peugeot is most definitely *not* made for snow. Eventually we got mostly unstuck…and then made it home following in the tracks of a big car(I may or may not have gone through a couple reds to stay on his tail and not get permanently frozen in the middle of Anderson Drive). And eventually, after much much prayer and Uche’s encouragement, we made it home and swung into Headland Ct and pulled straight into an open parking space in front of our flat. Oh, all praise to the Lord!!!!!!! And so now, dear snow, I would really like it if you stayed away while I need to drive. Please?

Also, walking to church tomorrow will be fun. Truly! Walking in snow, I do not mind(I do sort of need better boots though..) It’s the driving and being totally stuck that is not so much fun. Grr.

But now, nice hot tea and book…mmm, yes.

A glimmer, nay, a star

James HoganLeave a comment

And you were dead in your trespasses
and sins, in which you
formerly walked according to the
course of this world, according to the
prince of the power of the air, of the
spirit that is now working in the sons
of disobedience. Among them we too
all formerly lived in the lusts of our
flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh
and of the mind, and were by nature
children of wrath, even as the rest.
But God, being rich in mercy, because
of His great love with which He
loved us, even when we were dead
in our transgressions, made us alive
together with Christ(by grace you have
been saved), and raised us up with
Him, and seated us with Him in the
heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so
that in the ages to come He might show
the surpassing riches of His grace in
kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.
-Ephesians 2:1-7

I was going to end that sooner, but two things prevented me. Firstly, it’s just so beautiful I couldn’t find a good stopping place…and secondly, because the sentence itself didn’t stop. Oh Pauline sentences, how I love thee.

Seriously, such a gorgeous passage, is it not? And two of the most amazing and heart-stopping and enlivening and lovely and starkly beautiful words of all time…”But God.” And hope bursts into glorious bloom, life eternal. This passage is one of my favorites, so I don’t know why I’m trying to unnecessarily validate these verses with my pitiful words, but I just can’t help marveling at the amazingness of God’s most gracious love and compassion towards such desperately wicked men and women…oh what a joy that springs from my heart, abounding towards the God whose love abounds still more! And I think this passage may (subconsciously) be the pattern towards which all my gasps of poetry tend to slip into –

darkness, expanding and vicious and cold blackness and
the depths of deepest despair and when all is lost and
man is
lost in a storm of whirling shadows and
torn in pieces by the knife that was his own and
rotting in the grave so eagerly dug and
drinking the depths of the debt that is owed and
wavering in glazed reality and
on his knees in hopeless emptiness and
on his face in stark weariness and
letting go of the last that could be done and then
light.
Light forever.
Glorious Almighty God.
Light and love and God Himself,
the pinnacle of infinity that the universe strains to grasp.
Oh glorious Lord!
And overwhelmed in joy and overcome by love
and soaking in the blood of the Lamb that was slain,
she is
dancing in the spotless grace,
singing in the newborn praise,
seeing with adoring gaze,
feeling the more perfect rays,
and now she quivers and says,
Oh I love how can I not?
When by His blood I am bought?
He loved me first,
oh those glorious words,
He loves me!

…and that’s what happens when I let my mind stray and wander and ponder the incomprehensible fact that…the Almighty God of the Universe loved me. How else can I respond but by saying…’Oh I love how can I not?’ I love my Father so. Oh I love Him!!!! If my tears could but grace His feet, I would weep for being so close to Him…my Lord and my God, I love Him so!!!!

Truly yours

James HoganLeave a comment

Driving back home from work in the rain, grey foreboding clouds omnipresent in the sky,
I crested the hill to look out over the city of Aberdeen. Oddly enough,
a gentle light bathed the city. I looked up to see an opening in the sky,
almost as if someone standing on the clouds above had taken a giant shovel
to the grim layer and scooped a hole. A diamond shaped hole,
wedged through the scowling storm-clouds like a tent peg driven through
the earth, boldly defiant on a canvas of weeping faces drawn
in pain and deep weariness and hopeless abandon of all that is good,
like a stained glass window except without the glass and without the stain,
and through this window in the sky I could see bright blue sky and golden tinted clouds,
bearing witness to the presence of the sun. All around me was rain and gloominess,
but in the sky, I could see hope. Hope in the shape of a diamond, pure and clear and and beautiful.
And as I drove further, I could see the city glow softly in the sun,
the moisture-laden air giving the light an inviting feeling.
And then, I entered the realm of the light.
The rain ceased. The clouds were still all around me, hovering.
But above, blue. And the sun.

To dream and hope and love…

James HoganLeave a comment

Because mere wonder cannot suffice for love…

Can you guess where I’m posting from? Yeah, Starbucks. And why, you may ask, am I posting on the middle of a Monday? Well, it happens to be a bank holiday here, so no work for me! It’s quite unfortunate though, because I was originally going to use today to explore around Aberdeen, maybe go visit a castle or something of the sort. Sadly beginning yesterday, I seem to becoming sick. Most annoying. Apart from having a stuffed nose, inflamed throat, sleep-inducing weariness, and a slight tint of dizziness, I’m quite fine. I swear! I actually probably shouldn’t have walked here to Starbucks at all, but I couldn’t stand the thought of being by myself in my flat all day long! Had to get out, so I made the trek here(I really should measure the distance, but it can’t be longer than a couple miles) and now after a few hours spent replying to emails, sipping on my peppermint mocha and reading the delightfulness that is the Word, I decided I may as well see if my writing muse had fled along with all my strength and vigor. Apparently not, hurrah! But I must warn you, I’m feeling slightly hazy, as if I’m dreaming yet awake. So we’ll see if my writings can actually make sense!

So yesterday(apart from the gradually feeling sicker part) was quite awesome! I love Sundays. I was originally going to go to a new church(Gilcomston South, a Church of Scotland) yesterday morning, but me and Mark(friend from work) had planned on going to the football game. Thankfull, Gilcomston has an evening service too! But first, me and Mark hit up the football game – Aberdeen versus the Rangers(of Glasgow). Apparently it’s one of the biggest games of the year, and the Rangers have been perfect thus far, winning all their games. I could believe it – quite an awesome atmosphere!! Right to our left we had a huge section of Aberdeen supporters singing and chanting most of the game and there was a large Rangers contingent at the game as well. It definitely wasn’t a boring game either – we went up 2-0 and it looked like the makings of a huge upset! Sadly it was not to be, as the Rangers came storming back the 2nd half. A couple brilliant goals and a penalty to win 3-2. Alas. Still, it was an awesome game!

Afterwards, came back to my flat and then got ready for church – it’s only a few miles away, right on Union Street, so I was able to walk. It was a lovely service, although by this time I was feeling quite under the weather and most un-energetic. Still, met a few friendly people and look forward to meeting more later this week!

And Saturday was a fun day of exploring and buying far too much stuff. After I spent the morning reading and relaxing at Starbucks(if you’re somehow desirous of reading more words by me, I wrote up a post on Adam’s blog here. Warning: content is sort of unedited…but joy inducing all the same, to me at least. I cannot ever forget or deny the majesty of the LORD, all glory to the Father!), I walked downtown and found a scarf and gloves(which people told me I’d eventually need) and then around lunchtime, found a statue of William Wallace and ate lunch there. After that, I quite by accident discovered an awesome 2nd-hand book shop! They had an Asimov book I’ve been wanting for a while(Prelude to Foundation – the first one of his I ever read, way back in 9th grade!) and I got a biography of William Wallace. My bedtime reading for the next week. It’s so cool to be reading it and finding mentions of Aberdeen and thinking, “Oh yeah, where I am right now!” I love finding random awesome book shops. And they mentioned that there was an even better one near the university. I’ll have to discover that one another weekend…oh and I also bought a Rhapsody of Fire album. I really shouldn’t have, since it was sort of expensive, but I really wanted to hear its epic-ness. I’ll just consider it my early half-birthday present to myself. Have I mentioned Rhapsody of Fire here before? They’re an Italian symphonic power metal band that primarily writes fantasy-based songs. Gorgeous songs that probably most of you won’t enjoy. But I do, so there. My favorite driving music ever, pretty much. And on the subject of music, I need to do another album rank-up post sometime soon…but this post is already starting to go too long, so we shall save that for another day!

And yay, apparently being sick hasn’t taken all of my writing powers(or my tendency to be long-winded…but shh)!

Alright, I’ve decided it’s time to leave Starbucks(I’ve probably already been here 3 hours…and I’m getting sore sitting in one place for so long…and my peppermint mocha is almost gone…) and go down to the store for some soup and Nyquil(or whatever passes for Nyquil in these lands). Hopefully my body can heal up enough that I can go to work tomorrow. We shall see. Now, off to walk on the ancient paving stones, dream of a time when there will be no sickness, dance in the beauty of the day…and rejoice in the goodness of our Lord!

Rock on, y’all.

September 6th, 2010

James HoganLeave a comment

Well, I was going to say it was a gorgeous day here…but then a hurricane sort of decided to visit my neighborhood. Ok so it’s not a hurricane, but the rain and wind are going crazy outside!! And I swear there was sunshine and blue skies not ten minutes ago. Oh Houston, how I will miss you…

And you may wonder what I’m doing writing a journal entry on a Monday morning? Well, it so happens to be Labour Day here!! And thus, I got to sleep in a bit(’til 9, woo!) and then make a nice pot of coffee and read to my heart’s content. And then I decided it was a perfect time for a wee update, no? And especially because I won’t get to do that many more updates in the States. Because LESS THAN A WEEK FROM NOW I will be in Scotland. Yeah. This Saturday, flying on a jet plane! First to Amsterdam(9 hour flight. Yay?), and then a short hop to Aberdeen. And the adventure will begin.

Hey, and now the rain’s gone! Fickle Houston weather.

Ahh, I still can’t believe I’m about to leave Houston, for what could be a long time! Of course, I could be right back here next year, but that is still undecided. *gets up to refill coffee mug* …and that’s better! Shout-out to Deanna for this delightful Hungarian mug! I do like sweet coffee mugs, and this one definitely qualifies!

Well now, what else can I update y’all on? I’m still trying to dance around the fact that I’m leaving soon…so I don’t have to think of leaving everyone behind. On Saturday, I passed the keys of my car on to Adam. Farewell, Aeryn! You served me well! Sort of. And yesterday, I spent much time packing, trying to figure out what I need to take to Scotland. I have to say, it is sort of annoying having to pack for Scotland because cold-weather clothes take up MUCH more room than warm-weather clothes. But I have no doubt I would sorely regret not packing all my sweaters…so I’m just not going to have much room for any books. Ah well. Only two suitcases for six months! Sound good?

And oh gosh, the rain is coming down hard again. Hurray? Oh wait, I lied. Now it is sunny again. Houston, stop being weather-schizo!

Oh also yesterday, had a lovely time at church…my last time there. For a while, at least. Saying goodbye to so many people…worshiping mightily in the LORD…loving my brothers and sisters…and being loved…I don’t think I can really describe my feelings except to say something I’ve said far too much…I am overwhelmed by the goodness of the LORD.


Dancing in the new born sun,
turning my head to the height
of the sky bannered in joy
striated in crimson delight.

Looking to the stars on high
turning my head to the ground
losing my hopes and my dreams
to the ecstasy of being found.

Kneeling in the rain-soaked field,
lifting my tear streaked face
to the one who loved me
to the one who loves me

And now I am

Rejoicing in the infinite
turning my head to glory
Dancing
Singing
Loving
Being loved.

Standing upon the ramparts
turning my head to the one
who makes me tremble anew
in purest
adoration.

And that’s enough emotional profusion for the day. I love y’all.

August 1st, 2010

James HoganLeave a comment

Wanted to do a quick update, but my dinner awaits! Thus, I will be a terrible tease and give you a brief glimpse at something I’ve been working on this afternoon. This may not stay online long, just as long as it takes to eat dinner and for me to write up a proper update. We’ll see:

Flash.

Jas jerked upright again. The fire had not died down yet, sparks still sailing the wind in front of his eyes. The night was not that cold, the fire not hot enough.

Flash.

Jas laughed aloud, pounding his thigh in open admiration. “Aliya, I’d swear to the stars that your dancing was beautiful, if not that you’d know it for a lie. A lovely face does cover a multitude of missteps, if I may be so bold.” Eyes wide in indignation, Aliya smacked his shoulder and cried, “You may NOT! And besides,” mischief returning to her voice, “You wouldn’t want to go home with a broken arm to add to your broken feet, now would you?” Jas threw her a look of mock horror before breaking down in laughter once again. Aliya ran her fingers through her long dark hair before reaching to her neck to adjust her fine woolen scarf. The blue-streaked green of the scarf did set her eyes off so. Jas told her that and earned enough punch to the arm. “Do you want me too bruised to take your arm, then, my love?” She smiled slyly in return and pulled him to his feet. “No, my Jas, I think it’s time for me to bruise your feet, instead.” Jas groaned, but his feet were already moving in time with the fiddler’s tune. “Right then, my star-blessed lady. We dance tonight!”

Flash.

Jas blinked to see the fiercely burning flames lick towards him. The fire was still burning. That was good. He reached out his hands to warm them. They shook. He would never be warm again.

Flash.

The sun shone dazzlingly high in the perfectly blue sky. Clouds accented the heavens only slightly, not enough to mar the beauty of the morning. Jas lay his head back in the grass and grinned to himself. There was never enough sky for him, never enough blue. The sky called his name like a sailor to the sea. Only, a sea-cursed man could find his dream of a sea and ship to sail, if he so desired. If only the days of old were born anew, Jas could fly the skies like an eagle, like a hawk climbing the ladder of heaven. If the stories were to believed, it was not considered a great thing to fly, then. Jas longed for the chance. Yet the grass under his back was soft enough, and the lowing of cattle soothed his longing heart. “You cannot cry over what you cannot change,” his dad would say. Jas smiled. The sky was beautiful enough. If he drifted off to sleep lost in the blue, it would seem he drifted on a cloud.

Flash.

Jas started awake. The coals at his feet feebly glowed in protest at the damp chill of night. Jas sighed and struggled to his feet. His legs barely held him. He peered up at the sky, hoping to see the stars. Only an oily sheen of clouds returned his gaze. The stars had been gone too long. Too long.

Flash.

And now that my appetite is satisfied, I find that I don’t quite have the desire to write a long update anymore! But as a gift(ENJOY IT!), I decided to leave my above randomness on this post, instead of deleting it like I planned. So appreciate the glimpse into the mind of a madman.

And while I said I wouldn’t write a full update, I do have to say that this past week has been quite intense! What with Deanna being in town(seeing her for the first time in over a year!!) and trying desperately to fight off the clutching hands of sickness, I’ve been on a roller-coaster ride this past week. I feel as if I’ve been wrung dry and burnished to a fine shine and broken and forged anew and pulled bare of the sheath in all my faded glory… But despite the fire and despite the pain, despite the glory and despite the rain, I stand. I stand. God be praised, I stand!

And for real, y’all, I’m off. Pardon my weirdness(or don’t – it’s all the same to me). Time for me to sleep the sleep of the sleepy. And maybe I’ll dream.