remember what it feels like to be at the bottom of that well
dug so long ago by Isaac and his kin in times of chaos
and you will tell me that i can’t imagine it because surely
in my safe and easy life when ever have i wept
and i’ll tell you that it’s when i knew i was loved not hated
so what so what you ask
have you not labored to earn the love of God
yes but in folly did i so strive for in folly was my heart bound
until at last i saw the ladder descend and looked upward
and knew at last the truth which my mother had so often told
that i was loved not for what i had said or done
loved before i was outside the womb
what have i done what have i done
then i worked and strived
for forgetting my name and prizing my pride
i put forth my own hand to the staff again and again
with strength grasped that for which i bowed to self
and yet at end of day when windows dim
and i succumb to that which my father before me did
i remember the truth of the word which was spoken
i was loved in sovereign love
and to my nostrils sweet came the smell of mercy
yet i remember how i worked
even for the crooked paths i walked
that i made so much harder than they had to be
and i remember that i labored so
seven years for Leah
she whose love i learned to treasure
seven years for your mother
she in whose love i never wavered
and seven more years for good measure
and all these years vanished as dust
along with these frail bones which i lay bare now
in fear and trembling remembering when my frame
was strong and able and i clung to him who loved me
and in fear i cried out but he simply said my name
i am loved in sovereign love
how or why i cannot quite know yet someday
all shall know in a new covenant struck by divine blood
in gladness of great joy i sing
of a great mystery that is now mostly hidden
of the song that someday i shall sing with all my children
why should i be loved and my brother hated
i weep now for divine and sovereign love
given for nothing good that i have done
watching for the one to bend and drink from that brook
running sure and swift with living water
no more shall i dig and labor
no more shall i cling to this staff and strive
instead let me simply bow and sing again
my eyes watering to know my maker

A couple unrelated (but are they?) scribblings.

evergreen even in february
winter dreams
half forgot
and hopes of spring
bloom
along
with strawberry skies


look!
a chrysalis
when will it open
the clock ticks
ashes to
fluttering wings
and Jerusalem calls
the river for feasting
the leaves for healing
how long?

the upright antique mirror dazzles
and gilded golden framework razzles
and i look into it and smile
look at that image it is beautiful
it is mine and i bow before
all it asks i shall do
and all its being i adore
for as i craft my vision statement i can only confess
that i shall do all that my image demands of me
for it is mine
see how beautiful this garden
grows underneath my feet
in the beneficence of my majesty
i laugh aloud with this image that laughs with me
for the foundation of my joy is that gilded mirror
which imprisons my very soul
in pride refusing to remember
that image bearer signifies
i am verily not my own
there is another

the branches bare wave in the breeze
early morning’s kiss in fog descends
and as i walk through the sleepy courtyard
all i can do is think of what came before
a momentary song, a crumpled piece of paper
a notebook half written in my pocket
what more can i do now than lift my voice
and pray
and seek in thought for that peace
sweet as honey on the bread that i had for breakfast
oh no matter that the air is damp with seaside humor
and that the tune from last week’s show
keeps dancing in my head
for i look to a higher hope than which i can rest my
hand upon
and in these pages now i write of all i’ve thought and said
aware that these represent but a leaf upon the wind
a sharp intake of breath as i consider eternity
and nothing more is mine now than that which was given me
so under this sun i sit in this waking courtyard
meditating as i think on the absence of that veil
and the lingering joy of that one epoch defining tree

There is a verdant reckoning with the asphalted symphony
or so it seems as she reaches down to experience
in silent wonder
the new song that has unexpected sprung from
chaos –
and in a leap she echoes the refrain
trembling awfully
in symmetry balancing on
metal ties binding metal rails
now her hand strains for faint heard melody
stars upon stars in milky kaleidoscope
incomprehensible candles lit
a bridge to whisper underneath
her breath
a gasp a prayer as she underneath her window sits
tagging home at last in humble harmony
this grand yet simple reckoning with holy writ

in the chill of night rests a longing
and my soul cries out to one
who is
and then though the path is narrow
and the briars and thorns threaten
to tear my clothes and rip my skin
i fear not
and look ahead to those green pastures
and quiet waters by the fruited trees
the forever presence of my Lord
even now shimmers the same as i kneel
and consider what it is
to be wholly at rest in him

the white chariot rises into the heavens
in the mirror of my dreams
and now my heart hums a new song
as i ponder the deep thoughts
of eternity
and so while i wonder of why and whereof
is the mist through which now
i walk
it is alright
it is ok
for see the lighthouse beckon
see the signal raised
there is more beyond than
mind can fully reckon
there is a land
which shores
i strain to see
and for a moment
in the corner of my mortal eyes
i catch a glimpse

misery filters
through the bar’s smoky haze
even though the music
proclaims triumphant rage
then again she smiles
what a sight to see
no matter this tawdry locale
perhaps there’s beauty in
this moment between you
and me

in torrents falls the rain
rat a tat tatting on
cathedral roof
and in response candles
flicker
as on our knees we pray
and ask God’s grace
upon us
as we bow our heads
this day
and dust falls from the high up
rafters
as thunder joins in on the chorus
oh Lord forgive our pride
as still in beneficent fashion
the water falls in buckets