Tag: journal

Pumpkin Time

James HoganLeave a comment

Hello friends! Thought I’d write a quick few words this Friday evening. How wonderful it is to get a little bit to rest, I do say! I am also eager at the moment to test out this new laptop which I’m writing on. It’s been eleven years that my previous one lasted and while it is still limping along, I felt it was time to transition to the next generation. It is kind of nice to have a laptop that boots up in mere seconds instead of a minute or two! And the keyboard is glorious. Is it weird that I particularly picked out a laptop that would have a decent keyboard? And didn’t at all consider gaming capabilities? Ah well, I guess I have aged a few years since my last laptop purchase and thus it makes a bit of sense that my priorities would have changed. Now I’m more concerned about how it will feel to type long passages of text than on how capable my graphics card is. Things change. Of course, that change comes with the hopes that I shall at some point type long passages of text that actually have a slight bit of depth or beauty. Praying for such.

And now for what do I hope? I hope for a quiet night in which I am able to truly rest. Grateful for the few minutes I’ve had now reading a lovely and inspiring book – “The Imitation of Christ” and looking forward to a yummy dinner of burritos and avocado/tomato salad. Shall I write a few words now to christen this new laptop keyboard? I’m not sure my mind is settled enough to compose anything suitable. Perhaps I shall attempt nonetheless.

she turns back from the ledge
and smiles at me
reaching out her hand that I might
join her
and then I step forward and take her hand
our eyes meet
in solemn concord
and together we bow our heads and pray
under the sun that blesses
let’s walk forward as pilgrims
bear our crosses as our joy
for nothing else
will satisfy
Christ crucified is our cry
better than life as kings and queens
why do we wail for the want of jeweled crown
when we have one that went before
from whose crown-pierced brow that blood fell
mingled with those tears for us

The Lighthouse at the Point

James HoganLeave a comment

A lovely little Sunday afternoon here. Dani and I will shortly be venturing forth and enjoying(?) the unseasonable warmth of this mid-October day. But let me not complain too much about the weather! We still much enjoy getting out and about and walking the trails and seeing all the others that had the same idea as us. I don’t know what it is, but I really am so fascinated by all the little stories I see as I people-watch. So many others having their own little moments in the grand epochs that are their lives. And now I’m just getting ridiculous so let me cease.

I haven’t written a proper journal post in ever so long – not promising one now either, don’t get your hopes up – but in the midst of doing some journal maintenance, was reading a bunch of my posts from back in 2007. Fascinating and wonderful both to read back into the mind of 19/20 year-old James and even reconnect with the emotions from those days as those memories flowed back into my mind. One must be careful to not dwell overmuch on the past, but is it still not a good thing to think back now and again and reflect back on what has been and who one was and consider the many wonders that has led one to the present? I say so. Of course, I am notorious for backwards looking so please keep me honest and gently remind me now and again to face forward and press on to what lies ahead.

And see, I’ve turned from talking about my life into getting a bit ridiculously meta and examining what it is to read one’s past writings. Joy! I can’t wait for the moment eighteen years from now when I come back and re-read this entry! That will be…something.

Forward! I now sit on the couch and enjoy the rest that is only proper on a Sunday, but I think it is soon time to enjoy some of my other favourite Sunday activities, namely…cooking, walking and reading/writing. Hopefully in that order. Burrito prep is needed if Dani and I will have a satisfactory dinner so I suppose I’ll get started that on that shortly. And then of course walk time. Maybe not a long one, but even a 2 mile (our standard of late) will feel glorious even in this dense humidity. And following? There will be some reading, the writing I’m not sure of. I do feel a bit of sadness that I’ve not written lately, but that is my own fault.

My heart does burn within me and soon soon I must write. I’m currently pondering where I want to focus my writing energies. While I do so love writing my little poems and stories and dialogues and metaphysical musings, where am I going with all this? I write what I hope to be beautiful, but is it perhaps possible for me to focus my fire a bit more than it has been of late? We shall see. I’m not certain I’m cut out for long-form fiction, but perhaps I will give it a go. These are my thoughts now, all prayers appreciated.

Now that I’ve written far too much about far too many diverse topics, I shall sign off. If anyone reads this, I hope it doesn’t put them off reading me entirely. I wish I could say I’m usually less scattered than this but well…you know. Peace and love, my friends. Peace and love.

Still Waters

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Oh how wonderful it is to have a spare few moments to sit and breathe and think on the abundant mercies of my God! I sometimes write in poetry and sometimes simply prose but for now I don’t think I have the energy about me to write much of anything creative this night, alas but is that really such a bad thing? Sometimes it is most beneficial to my soul to simply read on lovely things that are true and meditate on what God has done for me. So I will now shut this laptop and cease staring into a screen that I cannot quite commune with even while pouring out as many words as I write now. This outpouring of my thoughts from my head to this empty white space may seem grandiose at times but can it truly capture the flickering of the candle that is my soul? I know not but oh still I try. For now though, I am off for true. Farewell my friends and be at peace this night, I pray. Peace and love.

Modus operandi

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Often I forget how lovely my early morning reading and meditation times can be. Too often do I struggle to wake up early enough – truly, it is not always easy waking up hours before sunrise. And oh too often do I allow myself once awake to get distracted by silly things – oh phone, begone from me! Though I am crafted in the image of the eternal, still true is it that I am a product of this age and thus susceptible to the little thoughts and fears and cravings that are manifested in this current generation. Hence how important it is to be deliberate in setting guardrails and being proactive in setting aside some quiet time and space to sit and breathe and pray and read that I might closer draw to the God who made all things. And as I say all this in that elevated morning manner that comes from being fresh of mind and slightly caffeinated it might be easy for one to view me as the pretentious, haughtily pious type. Far be it from me to claim any particular uniqueness of thought or practice. Rather, I opened this tab and started typing this morning with the air of gratitude and wonder. Far, far too often do I spend my early morning times distracting myself with lesser things or allowing my thoughts to wander to places less profitable. So when there is a notable exception – such as today – I wish to chronicle. I actually woke up moderately on time. My coffee brewed, I sat down in my little corner chair and spread my books out and made sure my phones were across the room. And then I opened the book (the best book first, as always) and began to read and pray. And oh how my soul was blessed as I read many words and meditated upon many truths and cried out mini-prayers to my God as I was struck anew by the fact that I am an adopted son and am blessed with life eternal. Many minutes did I spend this morning reading and being refreshed by the truths of God. My heart feels enlivened now – reflecting a reality that I alas do not always feel. I feel freshened and ready to face a hectic and most likely stressful work day. I wish I always felt this way at the beginning of a day, but we all know far too well that our emotional state at the beginning of a day is not always a bellwether for that which is to come. So instead, I sit quietly right now and praise my God for blessing me with such sweet intimacies with him and I call on him to bless my day as I walk forward in hope and faith. And I ask that I might be faithful this day in all things.

Has Rain Ever Sounded So Lovely she Says to Me this Night

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A Friday evening. One of my favourite times of the week. This night has been looked forward to and now I rest and sigh and pray in gratitude for these little pleasures that have been given me. Dinner is in the oven and of course it is suitable to the occasion. A roast chicken with potatoes, carrots and onions to accompany. About to find a symphony or some sweet tunes to match the mood. And then a candle lit and a book opened and the delightful wait until the metaphorical dinner bell rings. Across from me I see a smile slowly unfurling. And from outside the window, the rain lifts up its voice.

Love Unyielding

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A glorious morning is mine. It is but a simple Sunday morning, but already I feel the grace of the Lord this day as I have enjoyed so many fine little pleasures. Woke up at a nice and leisurely hour (comparatively to my normal) and as the sun was already peeking over the horizon, decided to get out of bed and enjoy a long pre-church time of rest and meditation. Well, I say that – but I also decided that a little errand run was important. Dashed off to bakery and got a fresh loaf of sourdough for the week and then went to grocery store for a few little items for macaroni salad contribution for tomorrow’s Monday Night dinner. Back home again, and back to reading and meditating.

How sweet have been these past few minutes. A good cup of strong black coffee. Listening to the ever lovely Beethoven’s Choral Fantasy. Reading in the Word – words of lamentation and of hope as I continue reading through Lamentations and relish the joy-streaked melancholy of Chapter 3 – surely one of the most beautiful chapters of Scripture there is. And then in Luke – onwards we march as we witness the continuing ministry of Jesus as he calls all to repentance. And then what an overwhelming story of love and compassion as he teaches in the synagogue and then notices a woman afflicted with a grievous ailment. She doesn’t say a word, she doesn’t cry out to him, she doesn’t put herself forward. Jesus looks, Jesus notices, Jesus calls to her to come. She comes to him and what does he do? Jesus places his hands on her and pronounces her free from her pain and suffering, free from the chains with which she was bound by Satan. Glory glory – hallelujah and all praise to Jesus King of kings and Lord of lords who is our Sovereign who also has the hands that heals. It is almost too much to consider this Jesus who looks to us and sees us suffering and calls us to him that we might know his healing hands. See those hands marked by the scars of mercy? Look upon Jesus, the one who calls to us to come to him and be forever free from our chains. I love to ponder and meditate on such. Balm for my soul this Sunday to consider the Jesus who has saved me from all my sins and called me into communion with God.

MKT

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A lovely evening is at hand! Yes, the week has been long and tiring. Yes, it is now June and Houston is just loving getting back in the swing of summer dressed in all its torrid finery. Yes, work is hectic and the stress is starting to creep up and all the drama of office life is upon me. Yet. I cannot complain for I know the God who made me and the God who sustains me and every moment I breathe in I know it’s for the glory of the God who calls me his child. Joy fills my heart as I consider that I am beloved of God. What wonder, what bliss! All the fears and trials of the week fade away as I consider what it will someday be to look into my Saviour’s face. Someday comes.

After Midnight

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Monday starts slowly and for that I am grateful. And while I shan’t write long, I do want to pen a few simple words of gratitude for that which I have been given. This past weekend has been simply lovely, full of quiet and uninterrupted times of rest and also yes – conversations with dear friends and simply the enjoyment of being with others whom my heart loves. Yesterday was a lovely time at church in the morning – worshipping our Lord and hearing from his word! – and then following got to go to the classic Las Locas for lunch with all the friends to see John and Emily (and little Charlotte!) who were visiting briefly! Oh how wonderful it was to see John again and though we didn’t get much time to go deep on all the things, it did my heart good to see him again and see the work of the Lord in the life of him and his family! Later on, Dani and I got a wonderful walk (even though shorter than usual – I guess we can’t walk five miles every day!) even though summer has most certainly made its arrival known and I sigh to know that it will not get any better over the course of the next few months. Alas for summer in Texas. And after the walk and a quick little dinner, me and Dani went over to Kaitlyn’s for a movie night with her and Klayton! It was such a sweet time being with them and enjoying movie and quality discussion and simply being in the presence of good friends. Oh how blessed am I!

And I could write more of the past weekend and the thankfulness in my heart as I consider all that God has done for me and all the blessings he has given this undeserving one and the little simple pleasures of this weekend that made my heart sing (such as long stretches to read, the making and subsequent eating of epic lasagna dinner, watching classic BBC Pride and Prejudice with Dani for the first time and yes, all the walking and sweating and enjoying standing on the bayou bridge looking out over the quirky beauties that Houston has to offer…), yet I fear my words can’t do justice to the joy that fills my soul. For I consider the manifold and abundant nature of the mercies and compassion of my Lord and I know that I can never fully comprehend the infinite wonders of who he is yet that which I do see now in a faint sense is enough to send me to my knees in stunned adoration.

Cinnamon Roll

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Oh what a glorious day! A Sunday that now slowly winds to a close, I can look back now and simply sigh in contentment, thanking God for this day that he has made. Typically I do enjoy my Sundays but this was one for the books. Started off on a good note, as yesterday a cold front rolled through so instead of it being mid-80s this morning, was mid-50s! So of course when I woke up, could not resist going for a nice early morning walk. Well, kind of early. It was before 8 at least! Made a cup of coffee and then down the MKT trail I went. There were others out and about (bundled as appropriate for this early April chilly day) and though the sun was not quite shining, that was no matter. A beautiful walk.

And after? Well I shall not go into detail of all the things, but a lovely time at church was had – worshipping the Lord and celebrating the Lord’s supper with dear brothers and sisters in Christian fellowship. Afterwards me and Dani decided tacos were in order so yummy breakfast tacos were enjoyed and then we made our way home at long last…I shall not say what time to preserve our dignity. After my (annoyingly persistent) daily work call, we ventured forth once again – a nice 3 mile walk or so up the Boomtown way and then down and around to swing the MKT trail once again this fine evening. The light slowly starts to fade, yet still the spring flowers shine forth in glory. The jasmine is blooming full and the wildflowers along the trail nodded to us as we passed. The flowers were definitely showing their displeasure with the atypically cold weather for April, but I have confidence they shall recover.

Now what complaints can I have with this day? I got a lovely walk and oh so many quality conversations with Dani…on surely one of the finest days of the year. All the trees blazing forth in new sprung green and the cold air reminding us of the blood that runs hot in our cheeks as we feel the smile of God upon us. Now the meatballs are made and in the fridge awaiting cooking later to go with leftover peas and pasta. And I shall soon set aside this laptop and read a bit more as the candle flickers next to me and I see Dani across the way. But thank you for allowing me to indulge in a bit of journaling (been a while since I did that, no?) this lovely Sunday. It is good to remember and praise God for his manifold blessings. Every day they are present. Some days I do better at remembering from whence they come.

Countryside

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Just finished making my little tomato/avocado salad and popped it in the fridge. Now? Well the burritos will at some point be put in the oven for dinner, but that point is still far off. It’s a Friday evening and while it’s been a good week…also been a tiring one. Wonderfully – a quiet night is now at hand! I wish I could say I’d try and write a bit, but not sure it’s in the cards. Perhaps a poem or two, perhaps. And really at some point I should work a bit more on my long prose. But for the now, I’m oh so grateful for a night where I can simply rest in our cosy apartment at the end of a long week. I think a bit of quality classical music is in order and of course a candle. And books? Without question. I’m close to finishing up Mere Christianity – a joy and delight as expected, a vigorous fresh breeze of truth and clarity. And I may also read a bit more of my WWI book – Sleepwalkers, which is inordinately fascinating and I really can’t put it down, though I must at some point in order to make time for book club book – Mrs. Dalloway. I think that last shall be the crown jewel of the evening for there is almost nothing that I enjoy more than to open a new book and sink deep into the world within. Well in actuality there is a list of probably ten or more things that I enjoy more, but I shall not bore you now by listing those off. Let me simply end by saying how grateful I am for a night of rest. And of course – the joy that fills my heart as I thrill at the thought that I am a child of God. Peace, my friends. Peace and love.