the blank piece of paper calls out to be filled
and though the pen drops slowly from my hand
in trembling terror that it cannot be
good enough
it is ok
for look up to the one who is
who draws me ever more into
sweeter communion with himself
the God who knows my name
who in himself is sufficient
for all purposes my feeble mind can summon up
not to claim that i have any part in defining God
it would be with fear that i approach
and in reverent posture fall and kneel
for now at last my empty heart is filled
this morning i walk with God in prayer
Tag: god
Interlude
Hello, my friends! A quick few thoughts on latest read…
64. Why God Makes Sense in a World that Doesn’t by Gavin Ortlund. Many thoughts from this book that are still rolling around in my brain. This book is not written to “prove God” or construct a fool-proof argument for Christianity and I think it was important that the author stated that at the outset. Rather, the author uses an abductive approach to show the reasonableness of holding to theism, ending up by holding forth the attractiveness and sheer loveliness of the Christian faith as centered in the person of Christ. This is a book that spirals from the grand and cosmic to the intensely personal. The mind, heart and conscience are engaged from various perspectives before the author moves into a concise and winsome defense for historic Christianity. And no, the author is not presenting an airtight case that will convince the antagonistic skeptic. Rather, the author seeks to show that holding to theism (and more specifically Christianity) is not inherently unreasonable. Instead, there is a beauty, grandeur and pathos to believing in a God who is also a person, in a person who also walked this earth and died to reconcile us to Himself. There are parts of this book that hurt my brain and I daresay I probably need to read it again at some point to more fully understand all of Ortlund’s points. There are many books that the author referenced and quoted that I now very much want to read (this is a good thing!). And the plethora of movie and book references may be a bad thing for some, but I kind of loved them, as they very much spoke to the current moment in which we now live. This is a book that is a product of its time, speaking to the current ethos in which we live. But more than that, this book is an appeal to the humanity in all of us, asking if this humanity as such is simply a cold by-product of undirected physical processes or if in fact that which resonates within us points to a common story that has an Author. Yes, any book that talks about the origins of the universe, math, music, poetry, conscience and moral objectivity will have my attention. But more than any of that? This book calls us to consider the message of the gospel – and to ask the question of last things and what lingers beyond the veil. At the end, the author calls us to make a choice. This is a book that speaks to the seeker, the one who is seeking to grasp the infinite if in fact the infinite can be grasped. Is it possible?
There are many perspectives and views the author grapples with and at times it seems the author cannot quite do justice to the plethora of philosophical and metaphysical views that swirl in the minds of men. Yet he does try, and I appreciate that he does not shy away from the hard questions and that he attempts to honestly dialogue with those whom he disagrees. This is a beautiful primer to understanding how theism fits in and against the current trendy topics du jour, and if anything, it convinced me that most of modern popular thought is spending most of its time in the shallow end, unaware of the vast complexity of philosophy throughout the ages. This opens my eyes a bit, and reminds me how good it is to continue to read old books and old authors, to seek to avoid the biases that are confirmed when we only read authors who write in our own age. Of course I love the constant references and quoting of Tolkien and Lewis, and of course I love the firm devotion to Christ that the author cannot avoid from letting seep through. Yes, the author firmly holds to the task of speaking to the various philosophical schools of thought on many things, but he cannot help but let his wonder and love at the message of Christianity shine forth.
Tidings of Comfort
Happy Monday, dear friends!! I meant to write a few more words than I now have time for(maybe I should postpone checking my email until *after* I’ve written my planned entry!). Anyways, it’s a gorgeous December morning here(52 degrees as I drove to work – delightful!!) and I got to listen to some rousing Trans-Siberian Orchestra Christmas music on my drive to work. Now, I’m sipping on my hazelnut mocha and enjoying the peace that comes with an early morning. But seriously, I didn’t come here to talk about my coffee and this beautiful morning. I really wanted to write a review of my most recent favorite book. The long-form review may have to wait, so a snippet will have to suffice. Dallimore’s George Whitefield – ever heard of it? Well, I just started reading it last week for the first time. I’ve owned it for a while now, but finally decided to take a little break from Owens(love Owens, but can only take so much at one time!!) and read this biography. And wow, is it excellent – why did I wait this long?? I can’t think of a good way to say this without sounding exceedingly arrogant, but – I’ve read some 240 pages in the past five days…and I’m having trouble putting it down when I really should be doing other things. Thankfully, it’s a nicely massive two volume biography, so I have plenty more still to read. Anyways – since I really *don’t* have a lot of time to write, just wanted to state simply how much this book has blessed me these past few days – it has truly enlivened my heart and warmed my soul. Reading about this great man of God – so mightily full of the Spirit and yet so humble before the Lord – has been oh so encouraging. (And a tad bit convicting. Whitefield started his ministry when he was…about six years younger than I am now. Hm) And I just love reading about what God has done. God is working – always! And just as He worked through Whitefield and others, so He will(and is!) working through me, despite my weaknesses and frailty. Praise be to God – amen and amen! And it drives me to want to know more about what God has for me in my future – I want to serve God with every thread of my being and I tremble at bringing shame to His name by my failings. Oh how I long to glorify God every moment of every day – may that not be a thought for far-off heaven time. No, this is what I strive for here and now – to know God truly and to make Him known. And to witness His beauty and rest in the glories of His presence and to be oh so aware of His Spirit resting in me and to never cease from being in awe of the eternal lovingkindness of the Lord God of hosts. This is my prayer. May God keep me humble before Him. May God make me mighty in His power. May God keep me safe in His loving arms. Forever and always.
Afternoon Sun
By faith Abraham, when he was called, obeyed by going out to a place which he was to receive for an inheritance; and he went out, not knowing where he was going. By faith he lived as an alien in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, dwelling in tents with Isaac and Jacob, fellow heirs of the same promise; for he was looking for the city which has foundations, whose architect and builder is God. By faith even Sarah herself received ability to conceive, even beyond the proper time of life, since she considered Him faithful who had promised. Therefore there was born even of one man, and him as good as dead at that, as many descendants as the stars of heaven in number, and innumerable as the sand which is by the seashore.
All these died in faith, without receiving the promises, but having seen them and having welcomed them from a distance, and having confessed that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For those who say such things make it clear that they are seeking a country of their own. And indeed if they had been thinking of that country from which they went out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God; for He has prepared a city for them.
Hazelnut
Good evening, my friends.
It is a slow and sleepy night here in my little apartment. And my dinner awaits! Since I’ve been out the past couple nights, I skipped church tonight(scandalous!) to stay in and have a quiet night. And I am glad. Ever so peaceful afternoon, cooking up Mom’s spaghetti sauce and enjoying the aromas conjured thereby. And now the sauce and meatballs are nice and cozy in the pot, soon to be eaten!
And this afternoon, I took a short walk outside to enjoy the new spring air. And as I returned home and looked up to the sky and saw the brooding clouds swirl, I was just overcome by the wonder of the earth and the beauty of the skies and the song of the sun…and I felt my heart touched by the knowledge that God Almighty made it all. Our God and King. And Father.
Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty! The One who was, and the One who is, and the One who is to come. Holy is He and worthy of all honour and power and riches and glory and praise! Amen and Amen.
And now, I really think it’s time for a shower. Then dinner. Lovely spaghetti and meatballs and yummy salad and the thoughts of Christ that fill my heart. He is my greatest love. Now and forever.
Fresh Fallen Snow
I waited patiently for the LORD; and He inclined to me and heard my cry.
He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay,
and He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm.
He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God;
Many will see and fear and will trust in the LORD.
How blessed is the man who has made the LORD his trust,
and has not turned to the proud, nor to those who lapse into falsehood.
Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders which You have done,
and your thoughts toward us; there is none to compare with You.
If I would declare and speak of them, they would be too numerous to count.
Sacrifice and meal offering You have not desired;
my ears You have opened;
burnt offering and sin offering You have not required.
Then I said, “Behold, I come; in the scroll of the book it is written of me.
I delight to do your will, O my God; Your law is within my heart.”
I have proclaimed glad tidings of righteousness in the great congregation;
behold, I will not restrain my lips, O LORD, You know.
I have not hidden Your righteousness within my heart;
I have spoken of Your faithfulness and Your salvation;
I have not concealed Your lovingkindness and Your truth from the great congregation.
You, O LORD, will not withhold Your compassion from me;
Your lovingkindness and Your truth will continually preserve me.
For evils beyond number have surrounded me;
my iniquities have overtaken me, so that I am not able to see;
they are more numerous than the hairs of my head,
and my heart has failed me.
Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me;
Make haste, O LORD, to help me.
Let those be ashamed and humiliated together who seek my life to destroy it;
Let those be turned back and dishonored who delight in my hurt.
Let those be appalled because of their shame who say to me, “Aha, aha!”
Let all who seek You rejoice and be glad in You; let those who love your salvation say continually,
“The LORD be magnified!”
Since I am afflicted and needy,
let the Lord be mindful of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
do not delay, O my God.
-Psalm 40
Great and Terrible
Good evening my friends! And Happy Friday!!
I’m sitting on my comfy couch this Friday evening, content and at peace. Content because I have a delicious dinner in the oven and a warm flat and clothes to keep the cold at bay. At peace because, despite what swirls around and within me, I am a child of my Father God. And it is well with my soul.
After that opening salvo, I shall attempt to write just a bit more this night. But first, while I gather my thoughts, I’ll describe my dinner! For I truly am looking forward to it. Lemon rosemary chicken, complete with squash and potatoes. It’s really not as fancy as it sounds, but it does smell delicious. And now with dinner out of the way – let’s get to the heart of the matter!
I just finished reading Malachi(and thus the Old Testament) a few minutes ago, and it’s such a delightful book to read. Truly. And maybe delightful is an odd word to use, yet I can’t think of a better. Just reading the words of God, pondering His coming. Thinking of the return of my Lord – the bringer of wrath and the purveyor of justice – the Lord who cares for the downcast and the humble man – and who despises the arrogant and the unjust. Our God will return, one day. And it shall be most awesome. And I truly long for that day, when there is no more pain or suffering or injustice. I long for that day when all the earth cries out – Glory to the Lord! – and all the nations bow before the King of Kings. What a day will that be. Yet who may abide the day of His coming? Those whom the Lord loves. Who can stand when He appears? Those whom the Lord delights in, because He has chosen them as His own and purified them as purest gold by the blood of His son. For our Lord is like a refiner’s fire – holy is the Lord!
Pardon the above paragraph – I fear it’s a bit disjointed, but thus are my thoughts this night. Also – reading Malachi reminded me of how much I enjoy listening to Handel’s Messiah. There are few – if any – pieces of music that bring as much glory to the Lord as that one. Praise the Lord, my friends. Praise the Lord – all the earth!!
And now my dinner is almost ready, which – I suppose – means this entry should be coming to a close. Just think on the Lord Jesus this night. Think of His beauty. Bask in His love. Fall to your knees and pray to Him. No matter what this world throws at us, no matter how our emotions rage – we are children of the living God. We are known. We are loved. Hallelujah!!
Peace, my friends. Peace and love.
2013, In Memoriam
And so does 2013 end. And so does the year 2014 AD begin – may it truly be a year of our Lord. So it is and so it will be.
And with those words, let us celebrate and praise the Lord who this year has made! Happy New Year, one and all!!!
I have thought about doing a year-review survey, but truly, I think I could get much more words in by just rambling on, and I think my rambling might be more interesting than answering survey questions. Of course, possibly not, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take. Anyways – 2013! What a year it’s been. I was talking to some friends at our party last night and was remarking that 2013 was a year of great change for me. And I am most intrigued to see if 2014 will be as life-changing as this past year has been! We shall see. We shall see.
Anyways, before I bore you all to death(already too late? Oops), what’s been the highlights of 2013? Truly, too many to mention. I did a brief review of my journal entries from this past year. My discoveries? Apparently I’ve spent a lot of time in coffeeshops. I’ve drank lots of hot beverages. I’ve often promised to just write a few words and failed miserably at doing so. I’ve witnessed many glorious mornings. I’ve been continuously overwhelmed by the glories of our Father God. And that about sums it up.
And now I sit in a coffeeshop(Beans!!) eating my ham and cheese panini(with tomatoes and onions!). Yes I am a creature of habit at times. What can I say? Truly, though, it’s wonderful to enjoy this day off work and sit here sipping my mocha and thinking back over this past year and thanking God for what He has done in my life.
And that’s really what this post is about, is it not? I think sometimes we can be so self-centered as we reflect upon our past, but let that not be the case here. As I write these words of memory, let they bring glory to our Father in heaven. So let His praises be sung in all the earth!
And so 2013. I started out this year living in Aberdeen and I have finished it in Houston, Texas. I have returned to my homeland(in a manner of speaking). I have left friends innumerable behind in Aberdeen and I still miss them deeply. But now I am living in Texas and I am determined through the grace of my God to discover all the wonders and works He has in store for me. Texas is my home now. And I have already met and become close to so many people here, I can truly not complain!! Last night, bringing in the new year at the Youth Reach party with all my Bethel friends was simply fantastic. A few minutes after midnight, a few of us(Zach, Angela, Stef…) sang worship songs together as we stood in a field and watched the fireworks paint colours across the sky. Is that not a simply wonderful way to start off 2014? I say it is. (Of course, it was also pretty sweet to be able to go over to Andrew’s place afterward and play cards for a few hours. The girls had never played before, so we attempted to enlighten them in the dark arts of poker!)
But I have got off track. I keep meaning to talk more about 2013, but what shall I say? Shall I recount every shining moment in that year? There were too many. I could discuss what we call ‘highlights’, such as Maryanne and Laura’s trip to the UK and our awesome adventures. I could talk about my trips to Oxford and Northern Ireland. I could talk about the trips I had home for Maryanne’s graduation and later on my repatriation to the United States. I could recount the beyond awesome times I have had at home in Florida with Dad and Mom and Maryanne and Laura…all the ice cream we consumed and the Jack Bauer we enjoyed!! I could discuss the countless conversations I had with my dear friends. Sweet nights with John in the Calsayseat flat. Watching movies with people at Union Square – I think Les Mis was probably the highlight movie event of this past year! Coffee mornings with friends at Books and Beans. Now in Texas, coffee mornings with friends at Beans! I could talk about evenings drinking tea and chatting about life with so many dear dear friends(John, Ruth, Zara – did we not have some awesome nights together??). I could mention the remarkably awesome evenings I had with Chris and Jo(and oh do I miss our times together!!)…sadly no more playing Tomb Raider with Chris and no more watching Lord of the Rings and no more driving home from Gilc wednesday nights together. I could talk about the sweet birthday brunch I had with Ruth and Zara and John and Alec and Pip and Chris and Jo…best birthday ever!!! I could dwell on Gilc and the most wonderful worship that went on there every single week. I could think on all the friends at Gilc who I spent time with and encouraged and was encouraged by. I could think of the sweet times I had with Rosemary and April at their flat, eating scrumptious food and watching quality TV(Sherlock is playing today in the UK and I am missing it!!). I could talk about the breakfasts I shared with Graham and Joel and Ben…praying and talking together. I could discuss the beyond-awesome times me and Graham spent, just talking about life. And I could discuss so so much more. But truly, rather than spill even more virtual ink, just know that God has blessed this past year. And although I have talked mostly about Aberdeen and Scotland and my friends contained therein, my thanks to God for this year also extends to the Houston portion! I have become part of a special fellowship here, and I am oh so thankful to God for leading me to Bethel. My community group is a most wonderful group of brothers and sisters and I am ever so grateful. I greatly look forward to the coming days and weeks and months of getting to know them even better! I can’t wait to see what God will do this year.
And now, I’ve noticed I have created a rather awkward paragraph above, but I will let it stand in all its glory. I realise it may be a bit unwieldy to read. My apologies. I apparently cannot properly structure year-end posts! But this post is already far too long, so let me it end it quickly. You have read some of my thoughts on this past year. You have seen how God has blessed me. Know this – I am ever so thankful to Him for all He has done. Sometimes it is so easy to forget the blessings we are given when we are in the middle of a rough and exhausting day. Sometimes the storms and fog of the present troubles are all we see and we cease to gaze upon the majesty of Jesus Christ and we cease to dwell on His glory. And our world becomes small and mean indeed. But then should we stop gazing inward upon ourselves and our pleasures and our fears. Then should we turn to the most sacred Word of God and marvel at the words contained therein. Then should we turn in prayer to the Almighty God. Then should we think upon the glories of Christ. And then our heart burns in adoration and fiercest love for Jehovah God.
Be still, my friends – and think upon all God has done for us.
Happy New Year, my dear friends!! I am now off to do some shopping and try to decide upon the dinner menu for tonight! I wish I could watch some of the Outback Bowl(Iowa-LSU – currently wearing my Hawkeyes shirt!!), but no TV. Ah well. Michigan St. plays Stanford in the Rose Bowl, and I won’t be able to see that either. Alas – guess I’ll just have to get my updates from Dad!!
Hot Soup
Happy Monday, my friends! This entry shall be brief, but I thought I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to write a bit, since Monday afternoon updates are so rare! And for good reason, since I’m usually at work, correct? Well, this day is a most wonderful day off, for which I am exceedingly grateful. I’ve enjoyed a nice morning of coffee and reading and random internet errands. Soon I shall go and do some real errands and then back to my apartment for a productive afternoon. It is cold and drearily wet outside, but that is no matter.
Now my hot soup has arrived, mm!! It looks to a be a delightful amalgamation of chicken and rice and celery and carrots and onions and good broth. Delicious. So just took about ten minutes to dig into my soup, and I’ve made good progress! But really, I should finish writing this while I wait for it to continue to cool down…what shall I write about? Ah – yesterday! It was a long day, but a most wonderful one. Met Will at IHOP for breakfast before church – yes!! I haven’t seen Will since over a year ago, so the catch-up was truly deserved. And as always…great times were had. Sadly we’re not at the same church anymore, but we decided that doesn’t mean we can’t still hang out!
And church – to be with my brothers and sisters and worshiping God. That is where it’s at, my friends.
The afternoon was spent Christmas-decorating and cleaning(my living room is finally free of boxes!! Not my bedroom though. Shush) And then Sunday night – Christmas pageant at church! We sang heaps of Christmas carols and heard God’s Word read and it was delightful. But after that, did the night have to end? Certainly not! Zach had a great idea – we needed to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life.” And so we did! A few of us went over to Sarah’s apartment and spent the rest of the evening watching that movie(which some had not seen!). I haven’t seen it in a while myself. So much enjoyed. I’m not certain where it ranks in my pantheon, but it’s certainly up there. Finally made my way home late at night…but joys – it didn’t matter because Monday is no work day! Sadly, I have done some work today(emailing and such), but that’s alright.
This is much longer than I anticipated, and I want to get back to my soup! Just know that God is good. I’ve had some rough times lately, but in midst of it all, God has reminded me of all He has done for me. Simply thanking Him for all the things He’s given me…it does wonders for the soul. So be thankful to our God. Let your hearts abound with joy and praise and thanksgiving, my friends. No matter the wilderness we walk in or the darkness that plagues our souls – give thanks to our God and Father. And He is with us. Always. Always always.
And now, I’m away. To finish my soup!!
Fire and Ice
I was going to start this off by saying good morning, but it’s definitely morning no longer! I’ve been here at this coffeeshop a bit too long today, but no matters. It has been a good morning. I woke up early this morning to take my car to the shop for an oil change, then made my way over here for a nice breakfast and coffee time! I’m now on my tea and trying to decide whether I want to spend the remainder of my time writing or reading(I really should write, because of the disastrous state of my NanNoWriMo novel!). Anyways, we shall see. I just thought I’d write a few words here, since it’s been a while!
So I guess my biggest update is that I’ve moved into my “permanent” apartment! Got a nice little place that’s a bit more central – also only five minute drive from church! It’s so great being able to finally settle down – I got some nice second-hand furniture(including an epic map table!!). Today I need to put together my final bookshelf, and then I can start unpacking all my books, movies and music! I fear that I won’t have enough space for everything though. Three bookshelves are not enough.
I’ve been told that my walls are looking a little bare, so I guess I need some kind of art or something to decorate the walls with, but that can wait.
In other news…work is still going strong, and by strong – I mean insanely busy! I do have to offer up praise to God though – yesterday morning before going to work, I feared it would be a crazy day that I would have trouble surviving, so I prayed and asked God for strength and blessings. And lo! He blessed exceedingly and gave me grace with my endeavors and things went far more smoothly than I had anticipated. I can only praise my God. Always.
And this time next week – I will be home in Tampa with my family. Oh yes. Thanksgiving this week – home-time beckons!
I’m now going to sign off and attempt to write a bit. Farewell, friends.
Something Weird 