Dreams of Paris

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Some unconnected stanzas – enjoy or not, it’s all the same to me. I enjoyed the process of letting my thoughts spill forth on this day bursting forth in all its glorious reality.

shivering she pulls the blanket close
and cries out for that second cup of tea
and i cross the room and turn on the kettle
soon my darling soon
she smiles and says with bleary eyes
just make sure to put in the lemon
and lots and lots of honey

Drops of twilight on the canvas
unsatisfied he sighs
i meant to paint the sunset
instead look
it’s just another dreary urban sky

i remark unfavourably upon these stanzas
grumbling as i usually do
but look she comments it’s ok really it is
at least some of them
have the slightest ring of truth

let’s read deep into the evening
as the soup bubbles upon the stove
and perhaps our thoughts will be sparked
by the black and white on the pages
or if not
at least we’re cozy here at home

i seek that far country that i’ve sought so many times before
and yes i’m reassured to know there is written above the doorframe
a name that i will one day call my own
but that is not the name i cry now
for this country is only treasured for the name of its king
and so I sing it in all my songs and all my poetry
and ask that no one look to me
for one day i’ll walk across the river and up to the doorway
and smile to know i’ve found that land for which my God’s destined me

once more let’s climb the tree of abstract philosophy
she whispers in my ear or let’s not
and instead open the book
and taste and see

i tried to climb the sunset
i tried to reach the second night
yet all my tears and all my fears rang louder
in the absence of your light
so what my heart grumbled
so what my soul bemoaned
so what
my eyes trembled
so what she says
come home my love
come home

she balances upon the curb and laughs to see me walk comfortably upon the sidewalk
come over here and join me
there’s enough room for two!
but only if you stand in front of me like this
nose to nose
just as you love to do

the green light flickers a bit ill at ease
and i smile as i pull my jacket closer
content to walk beneath the neon sky
for though the night is cold
and rain drips down my neck
metaphorical dreaming swirls inside my soul
for i know my home is nigh

the Table is quite Well Laid she Remarks quietly

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What does one say on a Sunday afternoon when the light fades and it feels that all that can be said has been said? Surely that is untrue, yet sometimes imagination runs away and decides to play in a sandbox in a different place and I am left forlorn and abandoned, unsure of what is true. But perhaps the thought should simply make me dig in towards the center and look for this other place, that land for which my imagination yearns. If I am left alone, perhaps I am not in a position of authority to state that this land which I call my home is in fact the homely house for which my soul desires. But really, my thoughts spiral in on themselves and would collapse if it were not for the green and flowering arrow of reality that pulls my thoughts tight around it and points me towards that higher altar of light blessed truth. And so I turn once more my head and gaze upwards and slightly to the west.

Warm Rain and Fever Dreams

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A few short book ramblings this Saturday evening…

65. Oathbringer by Brandon Sanderson. Book 3 of the Stormlight Archive, this is a fine Sanderson novel even if I do feel it is a step down from the first two books in the series. Yes, the focus on Dalinar is fantastic and long awaited and his flashbacks are positively riveting. And some of the moments in this book stand as some of the best in the series. We get Dalinar Kholin standing strong against Odium. We get prolonged moments in Shadesmar for the first time. We get to see Shallan really come into her own (or is it Veil? Or is it Radiant?). But some weaknesses creep into this book that seem to only propagate further the deeper we get into this series. Although at first Urithiru was profoundly fascinating and other (and there’s some great moments early on, especially with Shallan’s confrontation with one of the Unmade), this book spends so much time there that I honestly get a bit bored with Urithiru near the halfway point and find myself groaning whenever we return there. Thankfully Sanderson perhaps realises this and moves the action away from there in the latter parts of this book. Also some of Sanderson’s stylistic tics start bothering me a bit more here. So much telling instead of showing. So much hand-holding of the reader. I feel a bit condescended to at times. And the italics. Oh make the italics go away. Please? Ah well, I am being overly harsh. Sanderson’s plotting is still superb and I continue to read this series just to find out where the story is going. On to book 4.

66. Dawnshard by Brandon Sanderson. A nice little novella sandwiched between Oathbringer and Rhythm of War, this book reveals some important plot points as well as further deepens the understandings of some of the characters we know and love (the Lopen!!). I enjoyed this book but was a bit puzzled over the fact that my enjoyment of it was very dependent on which character we were following. I loved the Lopen POVs. Lopen is ridiculous yes, but Sanderson is so self-aware of this fact and so much leaning into it that I can’t but laugh and go along for the ride. And Lopen actually gets a major moment of self-reflection that although maybe a bit too on the nose, still most welcome. Rysn though. I have always loved Rysn POVs before (her interludes were always some of my favourite), but her moments in this book felt a bit stodgy and overly introspective and honestly didn’t really feel like Rysn. Not sure if it was because of Sanderson’s special care to make sure he accurate portrays her disability and subsequent way of thinking, but something just felt a bit off with how he wrote her. Still though, this was a fun book and a good palate cleanser prior to the plunge into Rhythm of War!

67. The Swimmers by Julie Otsuka. A profound book. I will warn readers that if you have not heard of this book yet, I would almost urge to not read the back of the book or a plot summary. After reading, I looked at the description on the back of the book and it made the book sound so trite and I fear would have ruined the reading experience. Instead…if you wish to read a book that is real and deep and dives into the depths of a person and their whole story and being, even as cracks propagate through their very sense of self…please just pick it up and start at page 1, wading into a work that will be well worth your time. I didn’t know what this book would be about (except well, a pool and swimmers, assumedly – as per the title of the book and front cover image) and I’m glad I didn’t. As I read the first third or so of this book, parts of it irked me a bit and felt a tad ridiculous and I wasn’t sure what I was even reading. But once the perspective shifts and you start following one person’s story, you sigh and put your hand over your mouth and yes, you understand. Or you think you understand. Then you keep reading and keep taking in gulps of breath to avoid the claustrophobic feeling that comes with feeling you are in unknown waters and hemmed in on every side by the walls that are closing in more quickly than you would dare imagine. You may think you know what this book will be about if you read a summary or thoughts by strangers online, but you will not truly understand until you feel the weight of this book on your lap and trace your fingers across the words on page and let them soak into your brain which even now sparks and hums in ways that are far more miraculous than you can imagine and which you take for granted as it works so wonderfully (until it doesn’t). This book will hit you hard because though it is a work about a particular person and particular relationship and particular family, it is also universal in scope as you also have a family and you also know what it is to live and be frustrated and to love and to cry. This book is deeply textured and there is so much hyper-specific detail that you can’t help but feel it is a true story. And of course, it is a true story. You know this in your core. And though you may be annoyed at times (as I was) at the 2nd-person POV, it is delicately handled and puts you in this story with such solidity that eventually you come to accept it and feel that this story could not be written any other way. There is a moment near the end that you may cry as I did. Perhaps you have not yet experienced some of the realities that exist so unashamedly naked in this book, yet you can imagine perhaps you will someday? And yes, that terrifies you and makes you almost weep as you imagine someone you love experiencing such loss and pain. This is a sad book. But it is a book that chronicles the true pain and suffering so many people in this world experience. Maybe one day you will experience it. It is a book about universal things, but at the end of this book, you realize also that this is a book that dives into the intimacy of a human soul crying forth to be known and loved and not forgotten or abandoned. To be forgotten is one of the deepest horrors you can imagine. To forget that you are forgotten, perhaps worse still. Life is a breath, smoke in the wind. This book reminds you of that. And refreshingly, it reminds you of hope that beckons.

Mornings I Look Up

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the blank piece of paper calls out to be filled
and though the pen drops slowly from my hand
in trembling terror that it cannot be
good enough
it is ok
for look up to the one who is
who draws me ever more into
sweeter communion with himself
the God who knows my name
who in himself is sufficient
for all purposes my feeble mind can summon up
not to claim that i have any part in defining God
it would be with fear that i approach
and in reverent posture fall and kneel
for now at last my empty heart is filled
this morning i walk with God in prayer

Interlude

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Hello, my friends! A quick few thoughts on latest read…

64. Why God Makes Sense in a World that Doesn’t by Gavin Ortlund. Many thoughts from this book that are still rolling around in my brain. This book is not written to “prove God” or construct a fool-proof argument for Christianity and I think it was important that the author stated that at the outset. Rather, the author uses an abductive approach to show the reasonableness of holding to theism, ending up by holding forth the attractiveness and sheer loveliness of the Christian faith as centered in the person of Christ. This is a book that spirals from the grand and cosmic to the intensely personal. The mind, heart and conscience are engaged from various perspectives before the author moves into a concise and winsome defense for historic Christianity. And no, the author is not presenting an airtight case that will convince the antagonistic skeptic. Rather, the author seeks to show that holding to theism (and more specifically Christianity) is not inherently unreasonable. Instead, there is a beauty, grandeur and pathos to believing in a God who is also a person, in a person who also walked this earth and died to reconcile us to Himself. There are parts of this book that hurt my brain and I daresay I probably need to read it again at some point to more fully understand all of Ortlund’s points. There are many books that the author referenced and quoted that I now very much want to read (this is a good thing!). And the plethora of movie and book references may be a bad thing for some, but I kind of loved them, as they very much spoke to the current moment in which we now live. This is a book that is a product of its time, speaking to the current ethos in which we live. But more than that, this book is an appeal to the humanity in all of us, asking if this humanity as such is simply a cold by-product of undirected physical processes or if in fact that which resonates within us points to a common story that has an Author. Yes, any book that talks about the origins of the universe, math, music, poetry, conscience and moral objectivity will have my attention. But more than any of that? This book calls us to consider the message of the gospel – and to ask the question of last things and what lingers beyond the veil. At the end, the author calls us to make a choice. This is a book that speaks to the seeker, the one who is seeking to grasp the infinite if in fact the infinite can be grasped. Is it possible?

There are many perspectives and views the author grapples with and at times it seems the author cannot quite do justice to the plethora of philosophical and metaphysical views that swirl in the minds of men. Yet he does try, and I appreciate that he does not shy away from the hard questions and that he attempts to honestly dialogue with those whom he disagrees. This is a beautiful primer to understanding how theism fits in and against the current trendy topics du jour, and if anything, it convinced me that most of modern popular thought is spending most of its time in the shallow end, unaware of the vast complexity of philosophy throughout the ages. This opens my eyes a bit, and reminds me how good it is to continue to read old books and old authors, to seek to avoid the biases that are confirmed when we only read authors who write in our own age. Of course I love the constant references and quoting of Tolkien and Lewis, and of course I love the firm devotion to Christ that the author cannot avoid from letting seep through. Yes, the author firmly holds to the task of speaking to the various philosophical schools of thought on many things, but he cannot help but let his wonder and love at the message of Christianity shine forth.

Warmth of Heaven

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A few book reviews this evening!

62. Edgedancer by Brandon Sanderson. A fun little novella that is only right and proper to read when you’re doing a Stormlight Archive re-read! I’ve read this once before and while I enjoyed it again this go-around, I must confess it was a little odd to read it and realizing the first good chunk was lifted (oh dear) straight out of one of the interludes from Words of Radiance. Still, despite that repetition, still enjoyed this. Lift’s a bit ridiculous at times but yes she is also rather awesome. And the ending was unexpected but rather heart-warming. Also for such a little novella, so much world-building! Appreciated the look into the western lands of Roshar. I can’t say I read this book often, but I will continue to re-read every time I’m doing my SA re-read! A lot of charm for such a little book.

63. Psalms of Praise – A Movement Primer by Danielle Hitchen & art by Jessica Blanchard. A lovely little encouraging book full of good verses and gorgeous art! This book is probably best for small toddlers (ages 1-2 or so?) but even I much enjoyed the (quick!) read of this book. Verses that point to God and talk about different postures/movements that one ought exhibit before the Lord! Simple, but what is better than reading the Word to our small children? And I mentioned this briefly already, but the art is simply beautiful. Quality children’s book all around. It is never too early to start reading verses out of Scripture to our small ones.

moments counting

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Many stanzas unrelated yet not perhaps entirely

We walk down those faded corridors
marked with water stains
and faded ink
and broken promises
hand in hand we go
with light steps
and broken hearts

the light shines down on your face
and your eyes tell the story
that your lips never would
as they move to count down
i raise a finger to shush
i already know the time
yet you move closer

She stands upon the doorstep
tilting her head curiously
and as i raise my hand
and start to pretend
i change my mind and say
let’s have a nice long talk
as we go for a walk alongside
the sea

hello my darling let’s not pay the toll today
for it’s been paid so many times before
surely it counts for something
the frequency of our visits
maybe a loyalty program of sorts
instead spread some jam and butter upon that scone
and i’ll pour you a cup of tea
and let’s open the book and dive deep into what we’ve read
and talk lit and art and most of all what it means
to be immersed in this systematic theology

Reading upon a sofa sprawled out all comfy in my way
and upon the table burns a candle marking the time since
and she walks in and stares at me and says
really have you moved at all?
and of course not i say although that’s not entirely true
for i may have gotten up to change the music once or twice
but in sentiment she understands and smiles and rolls her eyes
and leans over and pats my leg and tells me to relax
i wish i could fall into a book like that

how does theology affect our lives i wonder
and though some may say it really doesn’t
i would argue then what’s the point
for then your theology’s bereft
and all your thinking has no merit
true true they answer back and so why bother?
i turn to them and say consider this
if God’s real and true and all that?
and if furthermore he’s written to us of himself?
well i’d like to understand
at least in such feeble way as this mind dares to grasp
understanding they say is futile for how can what is finite
comprehend the infinite
it can’t
truly
for only when the infinite and finite has somehow married
can there be a listening to the radio that is now tuned
but how – there can be no such
and yes i also wondered until i considered that this question
has been answered
hence why i’m reading theology
and seeing the poetry of God
this strange, wonderful symmetry that is god made man
and sent down from eternity to walk this earth
and then die upon a tree
this sweetest simplest theology
of God who made a way to be known by feeble, finite, little ol me

she tenderly caresses the cover of the book before her
wondering if she dares to open the cover
will the writing match the gorgeousness of the artwork?
she hears a whisper
yes
taste and see

One more girl hangs out the 3rd floor window
and shouts down to me of what she’s found
what is that i say
cry louder!
and she says i won’t but i’ll do you one better
i’ll come down

the sunset ripples through the sky
and i breathe in deep the last remnants
and wait for my God to draw me nigh

Doorways

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come across the street please
for you can see it’s barely raining
and bring me a coffee if you would
and before opening time
we’ll lie down on the carpet
in the record store
and look up at the cracked and faded ceiling
as we discuss all that’s come before
and i’ll try not to burn my tongue
as we sip this bittersweet coffee
and talk and pray and wait
for the rising of the sun

Once Upon a Time Whispers Whispers in the Dark

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A few books this Monday afternoon!

59. Words of Radiance by Brandon Sanderson. Still one of the best books Sanderson has written. It stands next to Way of Kings as the best the Stormlight Archive has to offer, and I almost considered placing it first! But I shall not be rash. This book does start out a little bit slow and it’s not perfect by any means, but oh boy the story it tells is a fun one. And once it gets going? It moves. All my favourite characters are at the top of their game here. Dalinar is fantastic, Adolin comes into his own, Kaladin has all his requisite ups and downs and I still love him…and this is probably Shallan’s best book. Which makes sense, since this is her book after all. I love seeing her grow here, even though sometimes she drives me crazy with her recklessness. But she is fantastic. The interludes are fun and worthwhile (always so many good nuggets to unpack!) and though parts of this story confuse me here and there as I don’t always remember all the Stormlight lore, I still love seeing how everything gradually starts to come together. This book is definitely one of the best books Sanderson has ever written and I’ll always be happy to return to it for my fantasy fix.

60. Rejoicing in Christ by Michael Reeves. Sometimes one just must meditate more upon the person and work of Christ, you know? Recently a dear friend recommended this one to me and it has been a joy to read it – slowly! – over the past few months. A book like this is almost devotional in nature, really. Don’t gulp it quickly. Enjoy, savour, meditate upon the truths unpacked about Christ in this really rather small work. At times the prose in this one can be rather purple and I winced a few times at the florid phrasings…but I am almost certainly the last that should accuse others of such. Grateful for those who write such works as aids to necessary and encouraging meditation upon Christ. Reading a book such is this is far more profitable than most things we tend to fill our time with in this day and age.

61. Five Points – Towards a Deeper Experience of God’s Grace by John Piper. A slim volume extolling the truths and virtues of God’s sovereign grace. At first blush, it may appear this book is simply a defense of what is commonly called “Calvinism” – a system of soteriology commonly tied to reformed theology. And perhaps in a way it is, but it is certainly not attempting or trying to mount a comprehensive defense of the doctrines of grace. Instead, Piper here seeks to illuminate and introduce the reformed understanding of salvation to those who may not fully understand it. I would recommend this book heartily to any – Christians or non-Christians alike – who seek to understand more what the Bible teaches about the way of salvation. Piper seeks to increase our devotion to God and joy in our knowledge of Him as we more fully understand what God has done for us and the salvation that He calls us to. Understanding these truths should not result in a dour and combative Christian – oh no! – but rather a deeper understanding of God’s way of salvation should bring overwhelming thanksgiving and joy to those who know themselves to be a child of God! I will not summarize this book – yes it talks about the infamous “Five Points” of Calvinism, and yes, it gets slightly technical at times. Even so, sometimes I wished for a more intense and deeper dive into what the Word says about salvation. That’s not what this book is. This book is an introduction into the beliefs of reformed soteriology and attempts to kindle our love for God afresh as we learn more about Him. This is not merely an academic pamphlet. This is a work written to increase our devotion and faith in the love of our Lord, encouraging us as we walk this path our God has placed before us. Grateful for works such as this, am definitely eager to read this one again at some point soon.

Renewed

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So I’ve been reading through Deuteronomy of late, and while I’ve known for a while how wonderful of a book it is…I think I appreciate it even more as I have read through it this past time! There are many reasons why this latest read has encouraged me, but I think I just appreciate the fact that the laws God gives are a reflection of who God is. And at the end of the day, obeying God is – as according to the words of Deut 12:28 – doing what is good and right in the sight of the Lord Almighty. Do we truly care about what God thinks? We should long to obey and please Him – not because it will benefit us(though it will!), but because to obey God, pleases God. And as a child of my Father God, oh do I wish to please my Lord. A small excerpt from my Psalm reading this morning that echos my heart…

My soul cleaves to the dust;
Revive me according to Your word.
I have told of my ways,
and You answered me;
Teach me Your statutes.
Make me understand the way of Your precepts,
So I will meditate on Your wonders.
My soul weeps because of grief;
Strengthen me according to Your word.
Remove the false way from me,
And graciously grant me Your law.
I have chosen the faithful way;
I have placed Your ordinances before me.
I cling to Your testimonies;
O Lord, do not put me to shame!
I shall run the way of Your commandments,
For You will enlarge my heart.
-Psalm 119:25-32