And Further On Sound the Horns of the Embittered Knights

Briefly!  I was very happy I finally got proper reading time this morning.  Obviously it is not a good idea to take paper-based materials on a canoeing trip – thus I didn’t have my Bible with me the whole weekend.  And then yesterday I somehow slept through my alarm so got no reading time.  Finally, finally – today I was able to make a nice cup of coffee and read for at least a few minutes!

And while I shall not now retell all my readings, thought I’d share one line that struck me as I was reading further about the life of Joseph – “Now Joseph was thirty years old when he stood before Pharoah, king of Egypt.”  The reason this struck me is patently obvious, I think – for just as Joseph was thirty years old then, so I am thirty years old now.  So it is natural for me to compare myself to him and ponder and measure myself thus.  But for a moment – think about Joseph.  Think about his life up to this point and the difficulties and pain he had suffered.  Sold to slavers by his own brothers at a young age.  Working as a slave to an Egyptian official and even making something of himself there…when it all unraveled again and he was falsely accused and imprisoned.  Years in prison.  Then when he thought he had made a connection with a man who could get him out…that man forgot him.  For two years.  And so his life had been one of slavery and bondage for years…and years…and years.  But – had he used that time to grow resentful and bitter and wrathful?  Had he let his spirit shrivel away as he abandoned hope in the God whose man he was?  No.  He continued to trust in God.  His faith surely wavered and flickered at times.  But his spirit was further forged through the fires of affliction and his eyes fixed themselves upon the God who knew his name.  For when he was asked from where his talent for dream-speaking came, he claimed no portion of the credit.  He humbly acknowledged the God who made all things.  And so at the age of thirty, he stood before the king of Egypt, prepared for a greater work, humble yet confident in the power of His God.

And this is where I can very briefly glance at my own life – knowing not what lies before me, I can confidently assert that God has continued to work in me these past thirty years of my life, shaping and molding my spirit, refining my soul through fire.  I know not what lies ahead, no.  But God grant me the grace to stand prepared to do His work, whatever that may be.  I may not stand before kings, but may my life be fit for such.  These past years of my life haven’t necessarily been full of bondage and harsh suffering, but they haven’t all been easy either.  And that is not a bad thing – for through such fires are humility and holiness forged.  Why do I stand in readiness now?  Because of the God whose man I am.  Why do I stand in confidence now?  Because of the God who knows my name.

The Buffalo

So…a few(for reals!) words as I sit sleepily here on a slowly lightening Monday morn…

I had a delightfully adventerous and exhausting weekend up in Arkansas with John, Jared, Peter, Chase and others on a camping and canoeing trip…and while I wish I could say it was all beautiful(trust me when I say there were plenty of beautiful moments!!), it also had moments of cold and wet and somewhat miserable sensations…I think I felt like I relate to Sam Gamgee quite a bit…adventures are wonderful when you’re reading about them, but as you go through them, you realize there’s quite a few unpleasant and painful bits!!  But the moments of briskly kayaking down the Buffalo River, cliffs towering on one side, proud trees on the other and gorgeous blue water ahead were what made it all worth it…the solitude and sound of rushing water and the sunshine resting on my head…all of this was beautiful and much loved by me.  And so I could sing a few refrains from favourite songs and thank the Lord who made it all so. 

But now as I am sore and tired and yet have a full week of work ahead of me…I suppose I shall take those sweet memories of beauty and peace and hold them dear and then proceed about my business.  It shall be a good week, though I know not what comes.

Peace and love, one and all.

Moor Street

The fog is not quite lifting
though the night has been dancing
far too long
and although the
sky is darkly misting
and the cold breeze makes me
shiver, shiver,
I can smile
and be ok
and pull my wool coat snug around my neck.

For yeah, the fog’s still drifting
and yeah the night’s trance
is coming on a little strong,
but my feet do a little dance upon the pavement
in the streetlamps’ orangish light
and my eyes burn with
truer song
and starlit dreams
even through the bitter night.

The Last Hurrah

So I was going to write a much longer post (and maybe even a poem!) but alas (not really) I actually talked to Dad on phone instead, which was very worth it!  And so now my minutes to write are few.  But quickly…

It is still wonderfully cold here – sub-50s temperature when I walked out to my car this morning!!  One last time I shall say – long may it continue!!  Even though…I know that no, it most certainly will not continue long.  But I shall enjoy it much.  Oh shall I enjoy it!  Yesterday was sublime.  After church and various errands, came home and quickly made and ate lunch(chicken & curry-spiced cauliflower & red peppers!) then fled to the glorious outdoors.  Walked down White Oak enjoying the strains of live music that were being played at every other bar and restaurant…then went to Red for a quick espresso (because why not, yeah?) then got to talk to Maryanne for a bit to wish her happy birthday as she is now 27 years old, what!!!  Happy happy birthday, Maryanne, dearest sister!!!  Then I realised I’d missed a call from Daniel…so once I walked down to EQ and settled in my usual spot on the porch, called him back and we had a beautiful time chatting.  Oh how I miss him.  But it was a great talk and I must remind myself to pray for him more, that God continues to bless him and grant him peace in all things.  After that…well, no more phone chatting, so I instead settled in my chair on the porch and soaked in the sunshine.  Brilliant blue sky.  Scents of springtime abounded.  And as I read my book (The Dragon Reborn, of course) and enjoyed the sounds of people talking all around me…I could not help but lift my eyes to the heavens and thank God for all that He has made.  Glory hallelujah.

That was yesterday and it was beautiful.  Briefly before I fly – must also mention how great Saturday night was!  Earnie and Mandy had both finally taken their PE exam on Friday and they were deliriously happy at being done with that!  Earnie feels most confident, Mandy slightly less so but I am still sure they both passed.  Anyways – since they finally now have time to have a social life again, I had them over for dinner.  I made burritos and avocado/tomato salad and we ate and talked and laughed…and many many hours later we realised it was almost 12:30 in the morning and probably a good time to part since church was indeed coming up the next (same!) day.  I just want to say though – their friendship is oh so precious to me and I am very grateful for them and the encouragement they are to me.  It even made me happy that I got to lend them a couple of my books – Revival and Revivalism by Murray and a Douglas MacArthur biography.  I love lending books to friends – it gladdens my heart!

Right.  I have now written far more than I thought I would, but I’m glad I could chronicle this wonderful past weekend.  Now, my friends, farewell.  Peace and love.

Springtime

It is still…just…so…lovely outside!!  Yet again a perfect blue sky bright sunshine luscious jasmine kind of day here.  And so yes once again after work, I walked down Heights and had my (as is now tradition!) reading time on the porch there.  I keep thinking summer is here, but not yet.  Not yet.  The walk to the coffeeshop was framed in brilliantly blossoming green and flowers and all kinds of growing things…and it was all so beautiful.  It is good to consider the loving creative grandeur of our God.  And now I am back inside, about to have a relaxing sushi dinner…but thought I could at least express(faintly – oh so faintly!) the joy of my heart and the love that I feel washing over my soul.  Because, truly regardless of all the external wonders that surround, I think on the fact that I am loved by God and I realise I need no other gift than this.  The love of my Saviour.  The love of my God.

Be at peace and be at rest, all you, my dearest friends.

Tinted Blue

So this morning as I drove in, I resolved I was going to try and write an actual poem this morning.  Alas, my resolve wavered and quickly fell apart once I actually sat down at my desk here.  I sadly got distracted by various emails and other things and now I can only confess my muse has been shattered in a thousand pieces and there is no chance of any creative output…at least for the now.  Honestly – it’s probably for the best as I was contemplating writing a somewhat sentimental, romantic piece…which who wants to read anyway, am I right?

So I suppose I shall just write a few more words expressing my joy at what I read this morning in my morning reading time.  Beautiful words in various places, but in my continued progression through Genesis, was encouraged anew at reading on Abraham’s life and his obedience to God.  Our Lord God came to him when he was 99 and promised that he and Sarah would have a son.  She was 90 and he was 99…and they were promised a son!  Abraham laughs, Sarah laughs, there is laughter all around.  (Even when Sarah denies it and talks back to God, “I didn’t laugh.”  Our Lord: “Oh yes you did.”  Is it bad that I laughed?)  Anyways!  God renewed his covenant with Abraham and then made circumcision the sign of this covenant and commands Abraham in this.  And what does Abraham do?  He that very day obeyed God and had himself and his whole house circumcised.  He may have laughed at the thought that he would have a son but he did not hesitate in obeying God in this awkward and somewhat painful rite.  I hope I would as eagerly and quickly obey God in my own life.  Oh may we all be so desirous to follow our Lord in all that He asks us to do!

And I could go on and talk about God sharing his plans for Sodom with Abraham and I could share how Abraham is beginning to fulfill his role as mediator as he pleads for the cities that they be spared and I could say a few words about Lot and how despite the fact that he was a righteous man whose heart was grieved at the sins of the land was nevertheless weak, sinful and fearful and subsequently mightily suffered the consequences of his sins.  But no – for now, I just want to think on the life of Abraham and that when he was confronted with the Lord God Almighty standing before him, he obeyed God.

May we all – as we with unveiled faces contemplate the glories of the Lord and meditate on the wonders of His grace to us – relish the chances we have this day to obey our God in all things.  Despite the fact that oft our hearts are hot and frantic within us, may we be at peace this day as we consider the love of Christ Jesus our Lord.

Sleeping Kittens

I am having a restful evening tonight. So happy. Had a (fairly?) productive Saturday…now eating my burrito dinner and Rockets/Thunder game about to start. So I am looking forward to a fun evening of basketball with a little bit of reading on the side. The march through Owen must continue!! Quite encouraging reading about the Holy Spirit and His work…in my life and the lives of all those who believe and in all things as God wills. Alright, no rambling from me tonight. Be at peace, dear friends one and all. Peace and love.

Waiting

My latest read:

10.  The Great Hunt by Robert Jordan.  Finished reading this last night on the porch of EQ, sun shining bright.  Now already on to the third book in series!  But…this one was great fun and once again I forgot how many dramatic events happened in this book!  Rand’s first real duel with swords(goodbye Turak), Egwene’s experience with the Seanchan(horrifyingly scary), Ingtar’s salvation(“Shinowa and the Light!”  …this moment is still one of the most tear-inducing sequences in entire series – no one is so far gone that they cannot yet be redeemed…), the Heroes of the Horn, the Portal Stones, Lanfear’s grand entrance…alright, I’ll stop now since most of you have no idea what any of this means!!  Just know it was a brilliantly written book that almost never stopped for breath.  Love it.  Also sad since this one is the last book we get with relatively “normal” Rand.  Now his descent into madness begins…

And since I’m writing, might as well also share my encouragement at my latest readings.  Reading Psalm 77 & 78 and then further in Genesis this morning.  And I do so love Asaph’s psalms because he is so real and honest about his emotions and how he is feeling.  He didn’t always feel the presence of God – just as we don’t always – and sometimes he wondered if the goodness of God was even real.  “Will the Lord reject forever?  And will He never be favourable again?  Has His lovingkindness ceased forever?”  And on and on in this vein he goes.  And then he pulls himself together and resolves to remember the deeds of the Lord and ponder all the things that God has done in his life…and confidently declares that the way of the Lord is indeed holy.  Might we remember this in our dark moments when it seems as if God is not working at all.  Meditate on what God has done in your life in days past…and hold on to the truths of who God is.  God is faithful and loving and holy and good and sovereign and magnificent and glorious and He is God.  And in Psalm 78 we get the counter-example of the nation of Israel…even though they did eat the bread of angels and saw with their own eyes the glories of God, they still committed the most serious sin of unbelief.  They did not believe what God had said despite seeing His works with their own eyes.  Might we tremble as we think on the fact we have so often failed to believe in God in our own life.  Despite the fact that He loved us.  He loves us!  How can we yet fail and fall so many times.  But we do and although it is a terrible thing that we would doubt God…our Lord is loving and faithful to forgive us our sins, because He is our Father who loves us dearly.

And one further reminder of how it is good to be still and wait on God even though we oft don’t believe He is working.  Abram received the promise of God that He would have a son from his own seed.  And this is a grand promise and one that Abram did indeed believe – “He believed God and it was credited to him as righteousness.”  But later on…did Abram doubt?  I think he did.  Some time later, he still had no child.  And he must have thought – “Well, I suppose God wants me to take matters into my own hands?  Maybe I’m supposed to do something different.  I’m oh so tired of waiting.” Alright, I’m sure he didn’t put it exactly like that…but when his wife Sarai suggested that he have a child with the maid Hagar instead…Abram agreed.  What a terrible idea, right??  “Well, I can’t have a child with my wife…so I suppose I will have one with my wife’s maid instead.  That’s surely what God has in mind.”  And it is definitely a bad idea and there is much fallout from it yet God uses it as He uses all things.

But don’t we so often do the same thing?  We are tired of waiting for God.  And we think that if we just took matters into our own hands…then things would work out the way they were supposed to.  Right?  We rationalize an ill-founded decision because we think it will get us what we want.  We stop believing in God.  We start believing in ourselves.  I will forge my own destiny and I will obtain my heart’s desires.  Oh us of too little faith in God and too great of faith in ourselves. 

Think and ponder and meditate on the glorious nature of God and on what He has done in your life.  Be thankful and rejoice in the works of the Lord in you.  And although waiting is irksome and tiring at times, it is good to be still and wait on our Lord.  Rest in the knowledge of the most perfect love of Christ.  Forever and always.

The Grave Is No Bar To My Call

Last night the thunder rumbled deep and the lightnings frequently pulsed throughout the sky and although the rain did drop but softly, the night was not quiet.  And so despite the fact that it would have been glorious to have a good night’s sleep, I am sad to report that it was not so.  And thus I am most sleepy this morning.  But I still cannot complain, for the storm heralded the cold front which has now swept through and although 58 degrees isn’t particularly cold, I will take what I can get in April in Houston.  And today as I sleepily traversed the concrete river that is I10 into work, I pondered on the fact that back in Aberdeen days, I used to be able to commute with the countryside on my right side and the North Sea on my left…oh how I do miss the beauty of those days!  Alas it is not quite as pretty driving through the heart of Houston.  Yet this morning my heart was soothed with the music from the inimitable Seaspray and I reflected on the fact that my God assuredly has His hand upon me this day.  Now and forever.  And after I had a fun coffee chat with Jacqui over in my old building, I walked back over to my office and relished the chill air of the morning and gazed at the slowly lightening pre-dawn sky, blue striated with iron-grey clouds and holding the promise of far more than the eye can see.  Just as surely as in my Genesis reading today when Abram was told to go forth and he did and was promised many wonderful things…so I know my path is laid before me and my future is certainly beautiful.  Peace and love, my friends.  Now and forever. 

Scribblings

The scent of jasmine wafted through the open window.  He breathed deep.  Truly, this was a different place.  As he continued to climb the stairs, he looked out the window to his right and gasped.  The grey sky from down below was gone.  Now there was only blue sky as far as his eye could see, even to the horizon.  Below him green foliage waved cheerfully.  The tops of trees, he realized.  From above it was difficult to identify the types of trees, but they were large, that he knew.  Yet it seemed as if he looked out upon a carpet of living green tendrils, welcoming and inviting.

The sky glowed an even deeper blue.  The sun was nowhere to be seen and if he had to guess, it was surely not far past noon.  Yet the breeze floating through the window was cool and crisp and he breathed in the scent of jasmine once more.  He came to himself and found that he was standing still at the window, captured by the glories of the day, enraptured by the true found stories.  He had heard tell of this, but even now, he didn’t know how it was possible.  This was a dead world.  Or so he had been told.  Where did this life come from?  Was it a dimensional pocket extrusion or a fancy holographic illusion?  He doubted it.  Even the finest light tech couldn’t replicate such beauty as lay before him.  Maybe it was a different universe.  Indeed, he thought his own incapable of this.  Maybe in Old Earth.  Not here.  Not now.

And now he understood why some would come to pilgrimage here.  Now he knew why some would come to live a half-remembered dream.  Even if he didn’t truly understand where or how or why he was, he did not doubt that he was.  He breathed in deep.  Again the jasmine.  Again the light of the heavens startled him with its brilliance.  Surely it was not possible for something to be so blue.

He supposed he should keep climbing.  He had been standing at the window for what could have been either hours or days.  He knew not.  With a sigh, he turned and stepped upwards.  He knew he dare not linger, even though he felt as if he may never see such a glorious sight with his own eyes again.

As he continued up the stairs, it seemed that the staircase started to spiral in a tighter circle, that possibly the stairs began to narrow.  He wasn’t sure, so gradual was the change.  The deep mahogany of the handrail felt warm beneath the skin of his hand as he ascended.  His legs now seemed incapable of stopping.  Upward and onward.

Every few steps he would pass another window of blue radiance and he would smell jasmine and honeysuckle and he would feel the wind caress his cheek.  Yet he did not stop for he knew that what he sought was nigh.  What he sought!  But he sought for nothing, that’s what he had told the old man down below, so long ago now.  The old man in his violently violet robes, welcoming him in a voice that had seemed overly pretentious and full of joy at the time.  Now the man wondered.  Was everything coming true?

He wasn’t a pilgrim, he had told the old man.  Pilgrims are fools, blinded by the whispered glories of a dead past.  Why was he here?  Well, it was simple – he had superiors who had superiors who in a most superior fashion had declaimed desires of revealing what lay beneath the pernicious rumours.  And he was the least threatening of his kind, so of course he would be the one sent.  To discover and learn and seek the truth.  To expose, as he thought of it.  To rip the curtain back from the hallowed temple of the weak-minded.

And so he had entered the squat building earlier this morning (week?  Month?  Year?) and despite the cheap ceramic-overlaid interior décor, he had smiled as he heard strains of Rachmaninoff’s 2nd faintly echoing, as if from a far-off room.  And then the old man had ruined everything with his ridiculous grand entrance and pretentious posturing and vain attempts to justify the existence of the Tower.

Despite the old man’s pleas, he had ignored all the scribblings and carvings.  He had seen the same such artifacts countless times before.  Forward to the main attraction, forward to the staircase.  At least he knew of the staircase now, after his…encounter of the night before.  Gooseflesh rose.  He would not recall those memories.

But now he climbed.  And at the bottom he was a man who believed nothing and ventured everything because what was there to lose?  Now as his hand gripped the rail tightly, he shuddered.  Did he believe?  Could he believe?

 A doorway loomed ahead.  There were no more stairs.  The door was small, barely taller than his own height.  It was of oaken appearance, inlaid with finely wrought metallic elements.  Light glowed and pulsed amongst the metal engravings.  Warming, welcoming light.  His hand left the railing and he grasped at the doorknob.  It was cool and smooth under his touch, and it seemed to melt into his hand as if his hand was the only key that could unlock the door.

He shuddered again.  In fear?  In bliss?  He did not know.  What had they done to him?

What were they doing to him?

He could not resist any longer.

He ever so slightly turned the doorknob.

And the door swung open.