I don’t know what I want. I long expected to hear those words from her lips but even so, the moment stuns me a bit in its rawness. I feel a crackle through the air and I feel the sudden urge to sneeze, the same urge that springs upon me in those pivot points of life. So too here, as the air fairly shimmers with possibility. She turns to me in faintly disguised anguish, eyes wet. I know I’ve kept you waiting, I know the ball’s been in my court for oh far too long. But what was I supposed to say? You wanted to hear me say I love you? I couldn’t and I can’t still. But there is something here, I know it and so do you. And I fear if I shut it down and let it go, there will be regret someday. Does that make me selfish? Don’t answer that, I’ve already punished myself enough for not being able to make a choice. Decision paralysis. That’s me and not even the excuse of immaturity. Also don’t answer that. I reach my hand across the table, a mute reminder of my initial question. Although it seems perhaps now is not the time. I draw back. She bites her lip as we both stay silent and I hastily take a sip of tea. She takes a deep breath and puts her hands to her face as if to delay the moment a little longer. I hear the rain patter on the cobblestones outside and think that I will always remember this August afternoon.