Scribblings

The scent of jasmine wafted through the open window.  He breathed deep.  Truly, this was a different place.  As he continued to climb the stairs, he looked out the window to his right and gasped.  The grey sky from down below was gone.  Now there was only blue sky as far as his eye could see, even to the horizon.  Below him green foliage waved cheerfully.  The tops of trees, he realized.  From above it was difficult to identify the types of trees, but they were large, that he knew.  Yet it seemed as if he looked out upon a carpet of living green tendrils, welcoming and inviting.

The sky glowed an even deeper blue.  The sun was nowhere to be seen and if he had to guess, it was surely not far past noon.  Yet the breeze floating through the window was cool and crisp and he breathed in the scent of jasmine once more.  He came to himself and found that he was standing still at the window, captured by the glories of the day, enraptured by the true found stories.  He had heard tell of this, but even now, he didn’t know how it was possible.  This was a dead world.  Or so he had been told.  Where did this life come from?  Was it a dimensional pocket extrusion or a fancy holographic illusion?  He doubted it.  Even the finest light tech couldn’t replicate such beauty as lay before him.  Maybe it was a different universe.  Indeed, he thought his own incapable of this.  Maybe in Old Earth.  Not here.  Not now.

And now he understood why some would come to pilgrimage here.  Now he knew why some would come to live a half-remembered dream.  Even if he didn’t truly understand where or how or why he was, he did not doubt that he was.  He breathed in deep.  Again the jasmine.  Again the light of the heavens startled him with its brilliance.  Surely it was not possible for something to be so blue.

He supposed he should keep climbing.  He had been standing at the window for what could have been either hours or days.  He knew not.  With a sigh, he turned and stepped upwards.  He knew he dare not linger, even though he felt as if he may never see such a glorious sight with his own eyes again.

As he continued up the stairs, it seemed that the staircase started to spiral in a tighter circle, that possibly the stairs began to narrow.  He wasn’t sure, so gradual was the change.  The deep mahogany of the handrail felt warm beneath the skin of his hand as he ascended.  His legs now seemed incapable of stopping.  Upward and onward.

Every few steps he would pass another window of blue radiance and he would smell jasmine and honeysuckle and he would feel the wind caress his cheek.  Yet he did not stop for he knew that what he sought was nigh.  What he sought!  But he sought for nothing, that’s what he had told the old man down below, so long ago now.  The old man in his violently violet robes, welcoming him in a voice that had seemed overly pretentious and full of joy at the time.  Now the man wondered.  Was everything coming true?

He wasn’t a pilgrim, he had told the old man.  Pilgrims are fools, blinded by the whispered glories of a dead past.  Why was he here?  Well, it was simple – he had superiors who had superiors who in a most superior fashion had declaimed desires of revealing what lay beneath the pernicious rumours.  And he was the least threatening of his kind, so of course he would be the one sent.  To discover and learn and seek the truth.  To expose, as he thought of it.  To rip the curtain back from the hallowed temple of the weak-minded.

And so he had entered the squat building earlier this morning (week?  Month?  Year?) and despite the cheap ceramic-overlaid interior décor, he had smiled as he heard strains of Rachmaninoff’s 2nd faintly echoing, as if from a far-off room.  And then the old man had ruined everything with his ridiculous grand entrance and pretentious posturing and vain attempts to justify the existence of the Tower.

Despite the old man’s pleas, he had ignored all the scribblings and carvings.  He had seen the same such artifacts countless times before.  Forward to the main attraction, forward to the staircase.  At least he knew of the staircase now, after his…encounter of the night before.  Gooseflesh rose.  He would not recall those memories.

But now he climbed.  And at the bottom he was a man who believed nothing and ventured everything because what was there to lose?  Now as his hand gripped the rail tightly, he shuddered.  Did he believe?  Could he believe?

 A doorway loomed ahead.  There were no more stairs.  The door was small, barely taller than his own height.  It was of oaken appearance, inlaid with finely wrought metallic elements.  Light glowed and pulsed amongst the metal engravings.  Warming, welcoming light.  His hand left the railing and he grasped at the doorknob.  It was cool and smooth under his touch, and it seemed to melt into his hand as if his hand was the only key that could unlock the door.

He shuddered again.  In fear?  In bliss?  He did not know.  What had they done to him?

What were they doing to him?

He could not resist any longer.

He ever so slightly turned the doorknob.

And the door swung open.

Passion

So…baseball Opening Day was yesterday.  Sadly – I did not go to any baseball games, but surprisingly(and probably for the last time this year), all three of my teams won!  Rays had a comeback victory over Boston, Baltimore took out the Twins in the 11th with an Adam Jones homer…and the Astros just plain dominated with Verlander pitching like the Hall of Famer he is.  So I am happy.  Yay baseball!  Spring is now officially here.

But…far more importantly…today is what is commonly called Good Friday, despite the fact that the event it commemorates is horrifyingly brutal in the extreme.  The day man decided (once again!) that they knew better than God.  The day humanity decided (once again!) that they were better off without God.  The day we killed God.

And as shocking as that turn of events was…in the end it truly was a Good day.  For it was the day that God sacrificed Himself.  For us.  For all of us who put our faith in Jesus.  For all of us who give up our lives in submission to the only true God.  For all of us who bow the knee to the One who saves.

In honour of the events of today, I much enjoyed reading Philippians this morning…many many verses kept striking me with their brilliant truths, but I shall only quote a few of my favourites this day.  Despite the filth and lies we are surrounded by…remember:

But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ.
More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ
Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish
so that I may gain Christ,
and may be found in Him,
not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through
faith in Christ,
the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith,
that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings,
being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.

and…

For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a Saviour,
the Lord Jesus Christ;
who will transform the body of our humble state into conformity with the
body of His glory, by the exertion of the power that He has even to subject
all things to Himself.

-Philippians 3:7-11,20-21

Let us remember these things.  Let us pause this day in the midst of our frantic lives and ponder and meditate on the One who did not consider equality with God a thing to be grasped – even though He is God – but instead emptied Himself and became a Man and lived and died and rose again.  For us.

Amazing love, how can it be – that Thou my God shouldst die for me!?!

Be a Man

Hello friends!  A quick entry today as I sip my peppermint mocha.  It must be very quick, as soon work is to start and I must catch up on my myriads of emails that have piled up here in my one(!!) day off.  I had a very good reason for that day off though…as I was up in Omaha this past weekend for cousin Brittany’s wedding!!  It was an utterly delightful affair which I shall not even attempt to fully describe.  But the whole weekend truly was marvelous.  Good times with family dear.  Fun chats and catching up with so many of the relatives!  And the wedding of Brittany and Dallon…oh how I love weddings – and witnessing them making their marriage vows to each other was truly special.  Oh how I pray that our God blesses their marriage and brings them closer to each other as they seek to glorify God in all things.  And of course the party afterwards was fantastic…so much dancing.  So much!!  And so I was quite tired at the end of the night and so when we all(me, Maryanne, Laura, Caisson, Mom, Dad) took a picture at our hotel at end of night…definitely can spot the weariness!  But hopefully also the joy was abundantly manifest.

And..I can’t write much more, but one more note – the conversations that were had with family members dear…oh so glorious and encouraging.  God is good in granting me these few precious days with them in Omaha.  I am ever grateful for my family.  Always.

A Little Slice of Sunshine

Hello friends…and happy Friday!!  I’m dashing off a quick entry before I dive back into work.  Had a lovely lunchtime break…walking to my favourite little Vietnamese place and enjoying my standard curry.  A beautifully relaxing time just eating and texting various folks and enjoying the goodness of the Lord.  And this evening has the potential to be just as wonderful.  No big plans, hence I’m thinking I’ll have burritos for dinner, watch a little basketball, drink a little tea…and very possibly read some John Owen, which I’m excited to report I have now resumed reading!  This morning much enjoyed my reading of him expound on the Holy Spirit and His work in the church in the New Testament.  Oh what a wonder it is to think on the fact that the Spirit of God is within us!!!  Remember this, and rejoice.  So yes – that’s my tentative plan for the night and I am much looking forward to this.  A book upon the lap and a mug of tea in the hand.  Very proper indeed.

Now I shall be off.  Peace, my friends.  Peace and love.

Ashes

And another Tuesday rears its head.  I have a few minutes in which to write, so write I shall!  This morning a tragedy befell me.  After a long and happy life, my cafetiere(or french press, if you want to use the coarse wording…) finally died the final death.  The crack that has been worrying it for some time finally finished propogating all the way around the glass and so when I began to try and pour my coffee into the mug…let’s just say quite a bit of coffee went in a direction other than the mug as well.  But this cafetiere has had a long and full life since I bought it in…2011 I think?  I still remember being shamed by Pastor Dominic back then when he found out I drank instant coffee!!  A rough paraphrase of his words, “James – my estimation of you has somewhat lowered hearing that.”  Thereupon I immediately went to John Lewis and bought this gorgeous little cafetiere and indeed it has served me well.  Now…I’ve written far too many words memorializing this coffee-making device and so I shall end with the happy news that because I am silly, I actually bought a back-up cafetiere from JL when I was in Aberdeen back a year and a half ago now.  So…now I’m excited to put that one into service!  May it last seven years as well.

And I suppose I should also log my latest read, which again – should not surprise you if you’ve been following my chronicles:

9.  The Life and Diary of David Brainerd edited by Jonathan Edwards.  Yesterday as the weather was still somewhat nice( Houston is heating up drastically though and I am sad!), I walked down to EQ and finished up this book on the porch, basking in the sunlight and the gentle breeze.  But better than those external factors…finishing up this book chronicling the life of a man who loved God and longed for His glory.  Oh how I wish I could make every one of you read this, but truly – what a wonderfully convicting and heartening work.  I looked it up on amazon just now and the version I read is only $13.58 and it is worth every cent.  So…buy it please.  And read.  I don’t remember this book affecting me quite as much the last time I read this, but I suppose I am in a different place now(emotionally, spiritually, geographically, whatev – ) and thus I should not be surprised at the change.  But I can now say with confidence this is surely in the top three of my all-time favourite biographical/autobiographical works.  I am a history nerd, I know…so partly the reason I love it so is the window into 18th century American Christianity, of course.  And I am a theological nerd(surprised?) and so reading the doctrinal thoughts and convictions of Brainerd(along with the notes by J. Edwards!  Brainerd actually died in the home of Edwards, so Edwards has quite a few first-hand comments regarding Brainerd and his circumstances) is supremely fascinating.  But…the reason I love this book the most is because it is a glimpse into the mind and heart of a man who loved God passionately and desparately.  And this book is the story of a man who poured himself out to the utmost, even to death.  All for the glory of God.  And so my heart cries for similar passion and love.  May I live such.  I am nowhere close.  But may I strive and may I cry.  If only I could live in such a humble, broken manner.  All for the love of my God.  

Lingering, my heart burns

Don’t have time to write long this sleepy Monday morning…but wanted to log my latest read:

8.  The Eye of the World by Robert Jordan.  This is a book(and series!) that I haven’t read in a while…and by a while I mean probably at least three years?  But oh is it a classic.  One of my favourite(surely top five) fantasy series of all time and this is the book that kicks it all off.  I forgot how quick-paced it was – just a rollicking fantasy adventure…but so rich in detail – truly a finely woven masterpiece of a novel that also manages to introduce myriads of interesting, real characters.  And that’s probably part of the reason I love this series so much – as much as the world is a gorgeously coloured tour de force of imagination and the history is deeply layered and the prose is utterly delightful, the fact that the characters feel living and breathing is something that not many authors can manage to do, especially this many characters!  So yes, reading TEotW was a fun, magnificent experience…and now time for Book 2.  Will probably start that tonight!  As I finished this book last night, I realised how perfectly the ending opened the door to a wider world and invited you in…a grand adventure is ahead. 

Now, my friends, it is surely time for me to end this entry and begin(or at least attempt) my work this morn.  While I could attempt to describe my weekend and the fun times with friends that were had…that is unnecessary to chronicle and my fingers are not quite up to the task.

And so just know that my favourite part of this past weekend was surely Friday night…drinking my tea and reading more of David Brainerd while basketball played on in the background(Syracuse v. TCU was not really that exciting to be honest…).  As much as it is good and enjoyable to have entertaining nights with friends, sometimes it is better to sit with a mug of hot tea and a comforting book.  Thus I declare.  And the fact that this book is also convicting and awe-inspiring and magnificent in the description of a man who was known by God and used by God and loved by God…all the better.  My heart is encouraged.  Despite the ease at which we fall into complacency, may our souls long for that greater joy that comes from thinking on the things of our God.

Éponine

Read some of my favourite verses this morning…

For we know in part and we prophesy in part;
but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.
When I was a child, I used to
think like a child, reason like a child;
when I became a man, I did away with childish things.

For now we see in a mirror dimly,
but then face to face;
now I know in part,
but then I will know fully
just as I also have been fully known.

-1 Corinthians 13:9-12

I would like to dwell on the following phrases this day.  Firstly, “…but when the perfect comes…”  What a sublime few words, what a gorgeous sigh of hope.  Someday.  Secondly…”…for now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face…”  Oh so true is it that our eyes can scarcely pierce the hollow lies of this dark and weary world.  There is a Truth about this world and though sometimes we glimpse it and though sometimes we may reach for it, our reaching is fumbling with our eyes half-closed.  There is a light glorious though and that light beckons true.  Someday our knowledge of the Truth will not be as though seen through shifting waters.  No, someday our knowledge of the Truth will be complete and full and perfect because we shall see that Truth face to face.  To bow at the feet of my Lord Jesus Christ.  Someday.  And “…just as I also have been fully known.”  Now our knowledge is partial and wavering and oh so frail at times.  Yet now – even now – we are completely and utterly known.  Our souls are not lost in the void and despite the devils’ siren call to blissful nothingness, we can with confidence state that we are loved by the One who knows our name.  Is it better to be self-determinedly lost and not yet found?  I say no, I say never.  Never again.  We have a higher hope, a sweeter faith, a most perfect love.  After all, we are fully known.

Caemlyn

It is still beautiful outside…!  (Of course, right now it is also dark outside, but that is no matter)  Last night was perfectly gorgeous.  I was previously pondering on going to see Wrinkle in Time in cinema because it is truly one of my favourite books of all time and a chance to see a proper adaptation on the big screen was most tempting.  But…the early reviews are…not promising.  Even so – I figured I could grab a 4:50 showing after work and at least give it a whirl.  But walking out to my car quickly convinced me otherwise as the afternoon was most perfect mix of sunshine and blue sky.  So…I could go sit in a dark movie theatre by myself…or I could not do that thing.  So I instead chose to go home, knock out a quick work-out…then walk down to EQ in the simply *glorious* late afternoon light.  Read for a while on EQ’s porch and enjoyed the fine spring evening that I’d been blessed with.  It’s not yet too hot or humid…and the dazzingly brilliant cerulean sky and the sunlight upon my book and the green – so much green! – fresh growth everywhere around me convinced me I’d made the right decision.  Not too many days come around like this one, especially in Houston, mm?  And so my heart swelled near to bursting at the beauty of it all.  A good night.

And now…’tis another morning and I must work.  Peace and love, one and all.

Gleeman

So today I am…once again…but for the first time in a while…sitting at Starbucks here in Houston.  And as I let my mocha americano slightly cool so I can drink it without burning myself, I’m pondering on what to write here and as I think, I believe this will be a bit of a musical entry.  I realize I haven’t posted any of my most recent mixes(the horror!), and so I shall at least chronicle one of them this day(will save others for later on).  This is one of the mixes I did pre-Christmas, both for myself and to give a copy to Laura and Caisson!  I quite enjoy this one even though it’s quite an odd mix of alt and folk and…pop?  It makes me happy, even though it is maybe one of my most melancholy mixes yet.  If you listen to it, you’ll notice the “turn” or the “upward, boundless gaze of the heart” doesn’t come until…the last minute of the last song?  That is a rather late turn by my standards, but oh is it beautiful.  In my mind, this is a beautiful mix to play when it is grey and wet and dreary outside…bare branches waving in the wind and heart swooping to follow.  I should stop trying to describe it but merely post the tracklist.  Do be aware – it is named after one of the Ainur from the Silmarillion – the angelic being who weeps for grief and cries for mercy, even for the very foulest evildoers.  Enough dawdling pretense.  Allow me to present…The Tears of Nienna:

1. Kitchen Door – Wolf Larsen
2. Hunnie Pie – Zella Day
3. Forget About Life – Alvvays
4. Grazed Knees – Snow Patrol
5. Soon – Big Little Lions
6. Where Did You Come From – Andrew & Veda
7. Top of the Stairs – Scott Mulvahill
8. Modern Nature – Sondre Lerche
9. I Don’t Know – Benjamin Gibbard
10. Vito’s Ordination Song – Sufjan Stevens
11. Promise – Ben Howard
12. If I Go, I’m Goin’ – Gregory Alan Isakov
13. Upward Over the Mountain – Iron & Wine
14. This is What Makes Us Girls – Lana Del Rey
15. New Year’s Day – Taylor Swift
16. Day Breaks – Norah Jones
17. Liability – Lorde
18. Go Home – Julien Baker

And there you go.  Random eh?  I’m actually quite happy with it.

Now you may think I’m done with my musical talk for today but it is not to be.  I’ve spent the last hour(!!) or so updating my music metrics spreadsheet(by the way, this is my engineering side coming out…yes, I’ve made a spreadsheet to compile my music taste.  Delightfully nerdy, I know!!).  It took me a lot longer to update the artist/album counts…mostly because I didn’t realize how many mixes I’d made in 2017.  Seven!  Shockingly high count by my standards but it makes me happy too since I do like doing it.  At some point when I have more time, I may detail out some interesting(maybe) facts about my music listening…but for now, I’ll give the top nine artists on my list(for period 2015-2017, inclusive).  We have:

1. Green Day (12 tracks!)
2. Lorde (10)
3. Oh Hello’s (9)
4. The Postal Service (8)
5. Needtobreathe (7)
6. Seryn (7)
7. Switchfoot (7)
8. The Dø (7)
9. Zella Day (7)

I feel that Green Day is cheating just a bit, since I had one playlist last year(Lost and Not Yet Found) that had nine of their songs, which is practically a best-of and thus shouldn’t count…but hey, I’ll count them anyway. I do (somewhat guiltily!) love Green Day, so it’s not misleading.  The rest of the list makes sense…no big surprises.  I still have somewhat random taste, per usual.

My newest mix, which is still in my car – Never Again Sighs the Dawn – I’m still not totally sure if it’s going to be the final mix or not.  I like it…but wow, the flow is quite quirky.  (Even by my standards!!)  And it breaks some new ground in regards to country music…which may surprise a few people here and there.  Anyways, once I do finalize it I’ll eventually post tracklist here.  Eventually.  Next one I post here will be my dance CD from Christmas last year – one which Laura at least said she much enjoyed – yay!!

Ok – now I have sat here at Starbucks far too long and I really should probably get moving.  I have only talked about music today…shocking!!!  Ah well – ’tis fun to write about.  Now must get on to the rest of my day…be well my friends – go in the grace of our Lord!!!

Coffee and the Tea

Good morning friends, and happy Thursday!!  A brief few words…

I’ve much enjoyed this morning – sub-fifty temperatures for (maybe?) the last time this year.  Oh how I love a good cold morning!!  Now sitting here at my desk with a nice cup of black coffee(honey-sweetened, of course) and since my heart is full, I suppose I thought it was a good idea to write at least a little bit, before my day heats up drastically.

This morning as I was slowly waking up, I had the half-conscious thought/prayer, “Lord I am trying so hard”.  Don’t ask me what it was in relation to – in total honesty, I can’t quite remember – only I know that it’s a sigh of the heart that I often have – do you not sometimes pray and not even know what you’re praying?  Anyways immediately some words came to mind that much encouraged me – “It is not the man who wills or the man who runs, but the Lord who has mercy.”  That stunned me – because again I was sorta half asleep at the time – and I felt much blessed that God should grant me these words from my past reading of the Word.  I couldn’t quite remember the reference at first(first I thought it was Isaiah…then Romans.  Had to be somewhere in my recent reading, right?), but eventually(i.e., right now) I looked this up and found it is indeed Romans 9:16, which I read sometime in the past week or so.  Anyways – I say all this not to prop myself up, for surely that goes against the very spirit and words of that verse, but just to remark upon the graciousness of God and to encourage you all to make reading the Word a priority.  How much of a blessing was it for my self-centered, erroneous words of prayer to be immediately corrected and for myself to be much uplifted by these words of Scripture.  Truly a work of the Holy Spirit.  All praise be to God!!  My human effort and vain attempts at justifying myself are as nothing.  Dust in the wind.  Yet the grace and merciful lovingkindness of the Lord is sufficient for me.  For me!  Think on the wondrous mercy and love of our Lord.  Behold our God!

And a few brief more verses that are some of my very favourites that I do not think on often enough:

When my heart was embittered and I was pierced within,
then I was senseless and ignorant; I was like a beast before You.
Nevertheless I am continually with You;
You have taken hold of my right hand.
With Your counsel You will guide me,
and afterward receive me to glory.

Whom have I in heaven but You?
And beside You, I desire nothing on earth.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

For, behold, those who are far from You will perish;
You have destroyed all those who are unfaithful to You.
But as for me, the nearness of God is my good;
I have made the Lord GOD my refuge,
that I may tell of all Your works.

-Psalm 73:21-28